Friday, February 02, 2007

Exxon is Awesome

Exxon sure made lots of money (by the way I didn't read the article, I just read the title and that's the extent of my knowledge! My motto: the less you know, the louder you yell. The more you know, the more silent and contemplative you become... Obviously I opt for the former). Anyways. Exxon made billions and billions in profits. Big surprise, supposedly it's some sort of record.

Those people working at Exxon sure are idiots. If they were smart they would've lied and cheated to make us think they made fewer profits. Their profits look even more ludicrous and sinister when placed in the context of the recently released UN report on global warming. Seriously, if I was in management at Exxon, I'd be like, people, people, we can't let the world know how much we're making. Put your brains together and find a way to fudge the numbers. I mean, let the stockholders know we're making money, but don't let the world find out the truth, don't let them find out we're making something like $76,000 profit per minute. The public will want to kill us if they find out the real numbers...

Seeing a company like Exxon make crazy profits arouses the populist mentality and anger within a whole heck of a lot of people. I can just imagine it, after hearing the news, people gravitating towards their gunracks with a silent anger and the hellbent goal of gunning down an Exxon executive. But you know what, those people at the oil companies are just doing their job, and they are getting PAYED! It's our own fault. We need to change. Everyone should ride a bike. Everyone should get sloppy drunk all the time. And become fruitarians. And become one with nature so you can have existential debates with the squirrels in your yard (just like me). And build bat caves where we would have super bikes that run on water and fight crime and beat the evil duckbill platypuses. See, I'm all about solutions. They always say the haters don't have solutions. Call me a hater, but don't say I don't have solutions. One word for you. MacGyver.

But I still can't believe how stupid those people at Exxon are. Haven't you heard of shady accounting, for godsakes, you work in business, in management, I have to assume you aren't so naive that you don't know how to pull the wool over peoples' eyes (and kick them in the nuts while you're at it). Man oh man, I guess those oil company CEOs really don't care, they do their little 2 year stint, get their $500,000,000 payday, then ladida, it's bing bang screw what happens to the company cuz I got mine and that's what counts. Suckas.

On a side note: I wonder how much meow mix you can buy with $500 million...

17 comments:

Les said...

Lots of debate over here about the amount of Coal that we are selling to China and that it is going to be a contibuting factor as china grows at the horendous rate that it does....if you have seen the doco's...many towns are becoming polluted to a point where nothing will grow because the sun is blurred by the haze.....Crazy! But the ships roll into port and load up with more Coal and off to China it goes....Oh well they say...When the Coal runs out we have heaps of uranium to sell,

Babybull40 said...

I have an interesting link at my blog.. about airplanes and conserving energy.. under a recent post..

Lauren Mitchell said...

Good rant. Unfortunately Exxon doesn't need to fudge the numbers...it's like their extra little "f--k you" to us. Fudging the numbers would require that they have consciences and souls, and actually feel bad that they're all getting rich by raping the planet and the little guy.

taarzaan said...

Great rant! Happy birthday, too!!

Mariana said...

You could run for president and win!

WAT said...

testing

WAT said...

Ugh, I had a whole good comment and it wasn't saved. Anyway, I agree with you. When I read that Exxon has made such a record profit, I was so annoyed, especially with the huge issue of global warming at hand. The time to act is now, and even then, it may be to freakin' late!

GREED! CORPORATE AND INDUSTRIAL GREED!

How terribly sad.

DotMySpot said...

Hi, just stopping by :) nice blog you have here.. gooday!

Sebastien said...

Les: Ah yes, Australia is quite rich in natural resources, except I think there's trouble with water at the moment. It's so hard to curb all the pollutants...

Babybull: Thanks, I really enjoyed it.

Lauren: Yeah, good point, they really don't care...

Taarzaan: Thanks Trey!

WAT: I hate it when that happens! Yeah, it's so sad, but we can all try and do our best!

Dotmyspot: Thanks for stopping by.

Hedy De Vine said...

i wonder if exxon is hiring....

Anastasia said...

I can understand why they'd make a huge profit (sure I freaked out when I read the figures) with the price per gallon rising everywhere on the globe. When the petrol/gas price hikes started, out of interest I looked at the OPEC website around the time of Hurricane Katrina, and I also freaked out at the surplus of oil that was stored. There was a suprisingly high quantity, making me wonder why the price per gallon/litre increased. So the market is controlled in a certain way, it's not fair. I wouldn't mind the profits so much if these corporations were also contributing to the many communities, but it appears that they're not, so the wealth ends up in the smallest proportion of people as well.

MrManuel said...

I could do a lot with 500 million!!!

I hope you had a great birthday!

Sonja said...

Exxon sucks. I used to go to the local station all the time. Now I don't go anymore. I'm sure they're wondering why my credit card is inactive. Or maybe not - they got so many other customers.
Did you get any swell gifts for your birthday?? Hope it was a good one!

Babs said...

When was your birthday? Can I live in a cave near you?

Why the fuck do I have to log in to comment? I'm logged in on my blog. Damn you Google!

It ate my comment. Google is after me! I need a cave!!!

Sebastien said...

Hedy: Yeah, I wonder if they need an artist, maybe I can help them out with their image, they're not doing so well in the arts community...

Anastasia: Yes, it's so frustrating. I think more so if you are an American, because we as a nation overconsume. It will be nice when we can waste less energy and not be such energy hogs.

Mrmanuel: Thank you! I did!

Sonja: I had a great birthday, thanks Sonja!

Babs: Couple days ago! Yes, yes come live in a cave with me Babs, we'll have a great time! Google, they're only starting with you... Might I suggest moving to a cave in Afghanistan...

Babs said...

Happy late birthday!
Afghanistan? But how will you protect me there? Wait, you won't protect me against the evil Google! Hmph... some superhero you are!

Sebastien said...

No, I'll go with you! Afghanistan must be fun, lots of heroin and opium there, or so I hear.