Exxon is Awesome

Exxon sure made lots of money (by the way I didn't read the article, I just read the title and that's the extent of my knowledge! My motto: the less you know, the louder you yell. The more you know, the more silent and contemplative you become... Obviously I opt for the former). Anyways. Exxon made billions and billions in profits. Big surprise, supposedly it's some sort of record.

Those people working at Exxon sure are idiots. If they were smart they would've lied and cheated to make us think they made fewer profits. Their profits look even more ludicrous and sinister when placed in the context of the recently released UN report on global warming. Seriously, if I was in management at Exxon, I'd be like, people, people, we can't let the world know how much we're making. Put your brains together and find a way to fudge the numbers. I mean, let the stockholders know we're making money, but don't let the world find out the truth, don't let them find out we're making something like $76,000 profit per minute. The public will want to kill us if they find out the real numbers...

Seeing a company like Exxon make crazy profits arouses the populist mentality and anger within a whole heck of a lot of people. I can just imagine it, after hearing the news, people gravitating towards their gunracks with a silent anger and the hellbent goal of gunning down an Exxon executive. But you know what, those people at the oil companies are just doing their job, and they are getting PAYED! It's our own fault. We need to change. Everyone should ride a bike. Everyone should get sloppy drunk all the time. And become fruitarians. And become one with nature so you can have existential debates with the squirrels in your yard (just like me). And build bat caves where we would have super bikes that run on water and fight crime and beat the evil duckbill platypuses. See, I'm all about solutions. They always say the haters don't have solutions. Call me a hater, but don't say I don't have solutions. One word for you. MacGyver.

But I still can't believe how stupid those people at Exxon are. Haven't you heard of shady accounting, for godsakes, you work in business, in management, I have to assume you aren't so naive that you don't know how to pull the wool over peoples' eyes (and kick them in the nuts while you're at it). Man oh man, I guess those oil company CEOs really don't care, they do their little 2 year stint, get their $500,000,000 payday, then ladida, it's bing bang screw what happens to the company cuz I got mine and that's what counts. Suckas.

On a side note: I wonder how much meow mix you can buy with $500 million...

They Might be Giants and Meow Mix

Sometimes this band is annoying, and sometimes they are perfect. I think this is one of their perfect songs. I also like their crane song, I only heard it once or twice but I have never been able to get it out of my head. That song is stuck in my head just like those meow meow commercials where the cat sings, "I want chicken, I want liver, meow mix, meow mix please deliver..." Those advertising people really know what they are doing, God knows I don't want a frikkin cat jingle stuck in my head yet there it is.