Monday, March 19, 2007

Television. It's Great.

Ok, I haven't spent much time today on the computer, so I'm a bit behind on the blogs. I've been trying to rest because my body is so tired from all the damn headaches... but there is good news from all this resting. It means I watched lots of television. And watching television means I learned tons of kickass shit.

And I suppose this a bit of a rant, but hey, I've felt like pretty bad these past weeks so I'm allowed!

First off, I watched a lot of celebrity stuff. Which allowed me to find out that Sandra Bullock has a new movie coming out. The movie's premise made me laugh because it's been done about a zillion times, you know, stuff about reliving the same day. The movie is called Premonition, and I'm not going to say I have a premonition about how crappy this movie is going to be because that is such an obvious joke to make. I guess I just did. Oh well.

Secondly. I feel like my mind is hallucinating, like I took acid and I'm seeing machete wielding tyrannasaurus rexes who are wearing bandanas and sporting gnarly tattoos, because I can't believe what I'm seeing on tv. Is that show about Hugh Hefner's girlfriends for real (it's called The Girls Next Door)? I don't get it. Is that show a joke, or a parody of a parody, because it's as ridiculous, boring, and as insanely stupid as anything I've ever seen. Yet, somehow all those things combine to make it a great, captivating show! And I'm a huge fan of Kendra, the sporty chick... But seriously, I can't figure out if that show is made by left wing anti-capitalists who are trying to show us the perils of our consumer/sex obsessed society... because you couldn't make a better argument against the pitfalls of capitalism than you could with that show. I feel like behind the show's facade is a thick layer of irony... I bet it's produced by Noam Chomsky.

And the thought of Hef banging all those 20 something foxes, there is something so icky and twisted about that. Well, he's from Chicago, so his show gets a pass in my book, but just barely.

The Hef show is almost as ridiculous as that Flavor Flav show I saw a while back. But Flavor Flav is slightly more hilarious, and he gave out giant clocks. Giant clocks are always awesome and that's what made Flav's show a smashing success in my eyes. And I also learned that money buys love from that show. Which is a good thing to know, and it's a rule that Hef's show certainly reinforced.

Unfortunately, in all my tv viewing, I didn't catch any news on Paris Hilton. I love Paris. She is a true guilty pleasure for me. And I have a feeling she goes home at night and studies St. Augustine or something spiritual and intellectual like that. She is deeper than we think. You know what, I bet she also reads Noam Chomsky at night and she's the producer/force behind the anti-capitalistic Hefner show. It all makes sense.

I also saw a movie called Layer Cake featuring Daniel Craig. Actually I only saw the second half of the movie, and I had no freakin' clue what was going on. One guy gets his head chopped off which is then put in a freezer box, I have no clue why they chopped his head off, probably running his mouth off or something. Maybe he was a rat. Rats deserve to have their heads put in ice boxes. Which reminds me I need to get one of those Don't Snitch t-shirts.

Anyways. I was surprised when some random guy randomnly and much to my chagrin gets a bullet between the eyes. Which was sad but I didn't have the time to mourn the loss of this random character, because all of a sudden Craig is about to have sex with a nice looking blonde, which refocuses my attention away from guy with bullet in head to hot steamy sex with foxy blonde. But the idiot director decides to cut this sex scene short because Craig gets kidnapped by a bunch of random spoilsports (probably jealous of Craig being with the foxy blonde I assume) and then some old guy offers Craig money for drugs but you know the old guy is gonna screw him so then lots of people get shot and I have no clue what this movie was about. And the SWAT team is in cahoots with the bad guys which is great I guess.

I may have mixed up facts and sequences of the movie. But all I know is that the violence was certainly wonderful and executed at a very high level of sadisticness. But the sex wasn't nearly enough, specially considering the one sex scene I saw was interrupted by that stupid kidnapping. And sex counts in my book.

I'm never going to let my kids watch tv. Well, I'll let them, but only if they watch with wry smiles on their faces.

16 comments:

Mariana said...

The only time I liked Sandra Bullock was in Speed I. Yeah, TV shows seem to get worse and worse, whereas in the past they were mindblowingly dull now they're unwatchably gross. And don't get me started on comedy. It's like every guy I ever met who was offensive and inexcusably vain is now a "comedian", either him of his even more evil twin brother.

Ak-Man said...

Cor Blimey . . . TV eh?

I find myself gettin hooked on shows that seem pointless. MTV is the hot spot. They churn them out effortlessly. I can sit in front of thge TV for like 3hrs straight.

Sandra Bulloks new film looks lame, thats all i'll say about that.

I've seen layer cake, its entertaining but they try to twist the story too much and there are way too many names and characters to remember!

If you wanna be baffled though watch REVOLVER. Its a Guy Richie film and is totally pointless. Starts off so well but then your just feeling stupid because you dont know whats going on!!!! ARRGGGHHHH!

Faz the Cat said...

If you get the chance watch Layer Cake from the beginning it's violent but worth it. Premonition hasn't had such good reviews here in the UK but I do like SB so will probably watch it on download. Saw quite an interesting film last night called Children of Men (think it was based on a PD James book). Set in 2027 the world is a mess, everywhere is complete anarchy and a child hasn't been born in 18 years ... then a refugee gets pregnant and has to escape from everyone to protect herself and her baby. Watch it if you get the chance. Hope the headaches get better soon. C&Faz

fringes said...

I like TV. I just don't watch it very often. It's like this: I'm totally in love with my friend Darrin who lives in Miami. I like Miami. But I haven't seen Darrin in more than 10 years. My TV is 20 feet away from me, yet I don't walk over and turn it on. Mysteries of the universe...

Babybull40 said...

I like Sandra Bullock.. we have a friend who has a crush on her.. I liked her in "The Lake House' with Keanu Reeves.Sex and violence basically go hand in hand.. Alot of these reality shows rely on these elements to draw in the viewers. I don't watch the shows you mention but I have heard of them.. As for Paris she really only uses her name to get into the show business industry..Plus any media scrutiny makes her look like a complete idiot.. but again that type of thing sells..

Tara said...

(initiate lustful sigh) Daniel Craig (lustful sigh complete)

nikhil said...

i think u should watch porn 24 hrs a day..remember how happy u were when u used to do tht. sorry "workin"..
see this is wht happens when u allow ppl who have lived with u to see ur blog.

all sense of decency will be eroded.
pudgy

nikhil said...

oh tht hot chix...dude! sienna miller!! i suggest some clips be downloaded???
trust me..

Sebastien said...

Mariana: I haven't seen many SAndra Bullock movies, I did like Speed though. Oh yeah, I know what you're saying about comedies nowadays!

Ak-Man: Thanks, I'll check out Revolver, Ritchie's films are fun.

Faz: Yeah, I have a feeling it would be a better experience for me to see the movie from the beginning! Oh, I heard that one is good, the Children of Men movie... I will try and catch it!

Fringes: TV is a cure all and brings us to different places. Love that guy who invented the remote control.

Babybull: Haven't heard of the Lake House, I'll have to see what it's about. Yeah, tv shows are pretty bad, although there are some very good ones, but I haven't gotten a chance to catch the good ones.

Tara: HAha, he is good looking.

Nikhil: Hey! Thanks for commenting! Haha, those were the days! I didn't realize that was Sienna Miller.

~*SilverNeurotic*~ said...

If I was going to have kids, I wouldn't let them watch tv either. That Daniel Craig movie sounds like a really effed up version of a 007 movie.

Sonja said...

I have to admit, I can only watch TV for so long, then I get bored out of my skull. Then - it's on to a good book!

MrManuel said...

Yeah, Premonition didn't look like the best film. That is why it didn't have the best opening last weekend. But, it did well enough that we can expect more movies like this.

I just saw Daniel Craig on the Bond movie this past weekend. It was ok.....

As for Paris. Gotta love her.....

bice said...

I rarely watch TV. I come here to stay current with what's on the air and in the news.

Sebastien said...

Silver: Yeah, I liked it though!

Sonja: Oh so true, I would much rather be reading than watching tv...

Mrmanuel: Gotta love Paris! I didn't know Premonition had already come out.

Bice: Haha, I'm a very viable news source :)

Anastasia said...

Premonition and Groundhog Day, could be a parallel there. There have been a lot of remakes lately, but I have to say that the Departed was one of the most kickass films I've recently seen. Mind you, as I slid the DVD into the player, I thought 'pfft another remake' (of Internal Affairs with Richard Gere), but man...the Departed dances rings around IA.

Layer Cake...hey I didn't know what the hell the story was about in that film, and I saw the entire thing. The sex scene! tell me about it, there's Sienna Miller all decked out in a black suspender belt, and before you can fart, the entire scene is gone and you're thinking 'what's the point?'

Sebastien said...

Oh yeah, the Departed was AWESOME!

And we totally got screwed with that sex scene!!!