Coffee Bear Still Trying to Get a Handle on Properly Drinking His Coffee

Coffee bear has trouble drinking coffee. Here he can be seen with an upside down coffee cup on his head. HEY! That's not how you are supposed to drink your coffee!! your manners are deplorable, disgusting, and downright disturbing!!!



Sometimes coffee bear gets excited about his coffee and dunks his whole head into the coffee-filled cup. Mmmmmm, looks like a nice way to enjoy coffee... but once again, I have to say it doesn't seem like proper coffee-drinking etiquette.

Floating Kids

Floating kids? I think I had too much to drink again.

When I Was a Boxing Bear

There was a period back in 80's when I boxed. I was the champion of all the land (in my mind at least). People were always down on my dream of becoming a champion bear, saying things like, "You are too old," or "You are too fat," or "I don't like you," or "Your teeth are so crooked it'd be great if you got punched in the mouth to straighten those suckers up" or "I hope you get knocked out because you deserve it for being such a terrible bear."

These things stuck with me, and fueled my fire. Fueling my fire was a good thing in many ways, as it was a cheap and affordable energy that I could use to not only heat my home but light my cigarettes.

People in the boxing business noticed my amazing skills, and dubbed me, "Great white bear who smokes a lot." I was truly flattered. And then I got flattened. Flattened by another bear, no less!

Gosh, the memories are just rushing back, searing my veins and bringing tears to my eyes... I want, I want to talk about this tragic fight, but the loss to this other bear, the memories still rumble through my brain and make me sink into the deepest of bear depressions.

The good thing about being a bear is that during these bouts of sadness I can go off and hibernate. Hibernating is very therapeutic, even for bears who are down and out on their luck!

Hide and Seek!

I was babysitting Sebastien again, when he mentioned that we should play hide and seek. I agreed with glee, since it is one of my all time favorite games (even if I am at a disadvantage, being a super humongous bear makes it hard to find good hiding places for myself).

Well, my turn came to cover my eyes and count, and Sebastien was supposed to go off and hide... things didn't turn out the way I expected. I sort of ended up with an axe in my forehead.

Lesson: Don't play hide and go seek with axes and little kids. Or maybe I shouldn't ever play hide and go seek with Sebastien ever again. I wonder if we can play something innocuous like Scrabble without me ending up with an axe in the forehead?

He Needs Coffee!

So, sometimes I have to babysit this little kid. In order to avoid prosecution and death threats, let's change the name of the little kid and just call him by the code name 'Sebastien.'

Sebastien can be very bossy. And he likes his coffee. He will ring a tiny bell from his bedroom, usually around 3am, to signal me to prepare the coffee and come deliver it.

I am a bear. I wasn't made to serve coffee, especially into someone's skull. It sort of freaks me out. But hey, babysitting Sebastien pays well, so... life ain't all bad.

Explosive Driving

I remember driving a car that exploded fire out of the exhausts. It was pretty great. Until I barbecued some innocent pedestrians...

I have to admit, that in my life as a bear, well, I was pretty focused on bear things, like catching fish and hibernating. Soooo, driving wasn't really my strong suit (sorry pedestrians). But I was soooo good at hibernating, so at least I had that going for me.

In other news: I am going to be taking and posting some pictures of my most amazing garden experiment (one bell pepper plant and one chili pepper plant).

You will be blown away.

I promise.

Let's Go For a Ride

This is a little sketch I scanned from my sketchbook. It is not a very clean drawing, but it clearly illustrates a memory from my youth.

I used to hang out with this little kid, and he would drive us around in this egg-shaped car that had helicopter wings on top. I usually had to drink a lot of liquor, because my little kid friend was not a very good driver. The alcohol helped me deal with my terrible fear of dying in a fiery car accident. Of course we ended up having accidents, but I was fortunate, I had the constitution of a bear, so when we did end up in those wrecks, I didn't suffer too badly. A little scratch here, a little scratch there. And my little driving companion didn't ever get hurt either, thank the good lord.

I will rehash other memories in the coming months on this blog... I had a period of time where I was a bear priest in Southern Mexico. Also went through a period where I made my living as a bear wrestler (I mean I was a bear that wrestled, not someone who wrestled bears, at least I didn't consistently wrestle other bears. I did fight against psychotic steroid popping gophers, transexual myopic raccoons ridden with rabies, and 3-legged 1-eyed crocodiles who had leather fetishes. I digress. But I do have to mention, not without some pride, that I won all those fights.).

This wrestling faze, like my career as a bear priest, took place in Mexico. I actually have quite a few wonderful memories from my time in Mexico.