Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Another French Lesson. Personal Stuff.

I gave another French lesson today. We are making good progress. Never thought I'd ever be teaching anybody French. It's great fun, specially teaching someone who is so willing to learn. As you can imagine or already know, teaching someone who isn't motivated is very difficult and definitely beyond my current capabilities.

And I felt pretty good today. I'm really getting better, I mean, it's such tiny increments, filled with ups and downs, still major frustrations at times, but I couldn't have given French lessons a couple months ago. So that's good. I felt really alive today. And there are more and more times where I'm able to get really excited about stuff like I used to when I was healthy.

Anyways. Other stuff... I had some bullshit personal problems lately that were really frustrating, but I decided I'm not putting up with that shit anymore. Frankly, I'm not taking anybody's shit anymore. This is what I've decided.

In that same vein, let me say that I will never ever again let anybody get away with insulting me about my illness. Like, saying I'm faking it or being lazy. That shit is crossing the line, and it's complete disrespect of who I am and all I've ever stood for and negates everything I've gone through with this illness. I was sooooo surprised each time I was insulted about my illness that I couldn't say anything. If I had opened my mouth to retort I would have unleashed a maddening frenzy of insults and threats, and possibly hurt someone, so I tried to keep my jaw locked. But I will be healthy again, and will always remember all the idiots who insulted me. Bitches are gonna get what's coming to them. I mean, I don't use revenge as motivation, mostly I just want to live my life and be happy, but I will never forget how badly I've been insulted. At least I learned who my real friends are.

And I wish I could talk more about the personal stuff but it wouldn't be right, not really fair to the other person. So I leave it at that, utterly vague and confusing.

Alan Parsons Project: Cask of Amontillado

10 comments:

Lisa said...

Hello new friend. I found you via heatherness. I am wondering where you came from... intriguing.

I am also a chronic sicky, coming up on 7 years of chronic back pain due to figure skating accident. The last few months have been some of the worst, but blogging has totally changed my mental state from lame depressed to hopeful and optimistic. I truly believe I'm gonna beat this now.

It really helps me to have a creative outlet. And it is quite fulfilling to be able to have a media where you can display your art, photography, creative writing, and whatever silly thing pops into your mind.

I, like any sufferer of chronic yuck, sympathize with you on so many levels. Here's my answer to the ever present question "Maybe you're just faking it. It's all in your head." I am an actress, so I get this line sooooo often.

I say to those non-sympathetic losers:
"Why would I choose this. Seriously? Why would I choose to never go to a restaurant because I can't sit for longer than 5mins, or go watch a movie in a theatre, or go have coffee with my friends or hang out with people in the outside world? Those are all pleasurable things I'd like to do and I would choose to do if I weren't really sick. If I could fake something, wouldn't I choose to fake being a super sexy healthy girl out pursuing my dreams. Because that is much more fun than faking all the pain and crying and fainting and puking and shaky/shivery fits. Not sexy. Not productive. Not fun. Why, better yet, HOW could I possibly fake this." Sorry that was a bit of a rant. *emotional topic*

Be strong. Blog. And come visit Lisa's Blog-o-rama. We shall be sick and arty together. Hooray! I will now go and check out your art site.

Mariana said...

I suggest we inject them with the same illness, so they'll know first hand what it's like. Then we'll pretend we don't believe they're really sick, of course. Seriously, fu** them and their crapiness. I'm 100% behind your no more taking any bullshit from anyone philosophy, I took it up a few years ago myself.

Babybull40 said...

Whatever happened to Compassion for people with illnesses.. Do they think that people with any other type of illness is faking it as well? Like come on already. Such a shame that more people aren't understanding of your situation and yeah you do learn who your real friends are.. Piss on those who can't see through their own ignorance. Glad you are doing better.. Everyday is a new day..

briliantdonkey said...

Interesting cartoon play(the word I am looking for escapes me). That is one of my all time favorite stories from school/college days. All the shakespeare and poetry stuff(which just isn't for me) I hated. This was one of the VERY few old old stories that I remember us reading and thinking 'wow that was awesome'. Thanks for stopping by and your comment.

BD

Heatherness. said...

See what I did here? I facilitated a new blogger friendship. It's like THAT yo.
Lisa, meet Sebastien. And ditto.

Heatherness. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tara said...

So is the young grasshopper learning his French? I took four years of French, and can only remember a few things about it. C'est vrai.

I have a friend who has myasthenia gravis. I may have spelled that wrong, but it's a neurological disorder that attacks her energy and her muscles. She's always in a wheel chair, but when a group of us were able to hang out together, she was able to move around sometimes without the wheelchair. People who didn't understand her illness said she was faking it. I hate when people take it upon themselves to declare that what a person is actually feeling isn't real.

frenchyflower said...

Can I just say I love the comments? (not that they're happy but I'm glad people sympathize.) I think blogging/internet is a great outlet and a great way to feel less isolated when you can't physically do everything you want. Really does wonders, it amazes me.

Any ways, I'm glad you're not taking anyone's shit anymore because life is much better when you can separate yourself from that and be however you want to be. Seriously, taking people's shit can just make you upset, and it's not worth it. Not at all. (Is it too cliche if I say that life's too short?)

Sebastien said...

Lisa: Thanks so much! I visited your blog and left you a response, but I'm sorry you have your own difficult struggle, but I'm glad you are feeling optimistic. The mental aspect of these things is probably the most difficult.

Mariana: Haha, thanks so much! Oh, I don't wish my illness or any illness on anyone though, but I think it's shitty to disrespect someone who is sick!

Babybull: Thank you! Yeah, seriously, this illness has been good for me because I really know who's on my side, and I've learned to be better about ignoring what idiots have to say.

Brilliantdonkey: Thank you for stopping over! Loved that clip on your site. Yeah, this is such a cool Poe story, the madness of revenge!

Heatherness: Crazy! We shall always be grateful for your facillitating ways!

Tara: Oh, I bet you could get back on track real quick! I'm so sorry for your friend, it's amazing how people assume that if you are able to do one thing, they just decide you are faking... Ridiculous and very sad.

Frenchy: It is a great outlet! Thank you Frenchy, you are awesome. And no, that's certainly not too cliche, very apropos!!!!

Sonja said...

I had my share of that before my illness became visual (as you know I had issues with my dad about it).

Anyway, this is how I feel about those with no compassion / empathy. I feel that there is something wrong deep inside of them. There's something missing in their characters, the lack of which is going to make them sick one day. Why? Because they are harboring negative thoughts about others, and negative thoughts will eventually make them ill. Like my dad, he can be a very hostile guy, and he's been suffering from heart disease for many years because he harbors ill will towards those who are not exactly like him.

So it may help you to not only stay away from people who accuse you of malingering to prevent further sorrow, but also to feel compassion for them, because they have many, many lessons to learn! My personal experience and I believe yours too is that having physical problems accelerates your spiritual growth.

You will beat this illness, Sebastien!