Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Kim Kardashian and Terrorist Ground Squirrels
I have so many important things to talk about. First off, Kim Kardashian is great. You are going to be shocked and saddened that I'm sort of over Paris Hilton right now. I've decided it was best for the both of us that we move on, and I'm delighted to announce that I've found new happiness and joy in my newest celeb crush which happens to be the marvelous Kim. The big news with her is that she has a photoshoot in an upcoming Life&Style magazine, and she looks gorgeous!
In possibly even more important news: the local ground squirrels are tearing up the cactuses in my yard. These creatures create little burrows, in and around the cactus, and proceed to eat the roots, thus slowly destroying the cactus plant. Creatures with such a capacity for evil and nefarious tactics fulfill the definition of 'terrorist,' nay, they go above and beyond, and can simply be branded 'Super Terrorists.'
I've done some pain staking/time consuming google research on these gruesome, awful, lazy (except in their quest for destruction), grisly, ghastly ground squirrels... and there seems to be research out there that tentatively links them to the duckbill platypus, a creature we all know to be without match in its attempt to destroy our global economy and establish a world wide duckbill platypus hegemony.
The potential link between ground squirrels and duckbill platypuses is cause for serious concern.
Here is a link to a picture of a ground squirrel, but let me warn you that their appearance can be shocking and frightening, and should only be viewed by people who don't have heart conditions or problems with nightmares.
I am currently working on dislodging the 'Super Terrorist' ground squirrels. Right now I am working through diplomatic channels, having offered them 5 pounds of dried cactus roots and a free vacation to Cancun (hehe, maybe they will catch swine flu, aren't I devious!).
Wish me luck in my negotiations, and if you have any ideas or tactics that you think might be helpful, please let me know!