Showing posts with label kim kardashian. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kim kardashian. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Kim Kardashian, Federal Budgets, and Chocolate Policy


First off, look at this new photo of Kim Kardashian. Doesn't she look amazing! Very old school hairstyle, kind of looks French... part of a photo shoot to be published in O magazine, more info here.

I wish I could just talk about Kim, but, believe it or not, there are more important things to rant and rave about. Am I the only one that's worried about the federal budget, and the deficits we are putting up? I mean, I think at some point in time, we are going to get hit with the worst of both worlds (ie higher taxes and much lower social benefits)... it's like taking the worst part of the Republican and Democratic platforms: Give the government more money to do less! That's a lose lose in my book.

Supposedly there is a way out of this. Supposedly, if our economy grows at wonderful rates over a long period of time (maybe due to the discovery of new technologies and creation of wonderful super efficient businesses) we will massively boost our productivity, allowing for growth in government revenues and a reduction in debt, or at least stabilization. Some people would say another solution would be for the government to start acting responsibly, especially by showing fiscal responsibility. I wouldn't hold my breath, Republican or Democrat, they all stand to gain if the federal budget grows.

Hmmm... I have a different idea, and it doesn't hinge upon such a gamble (crazy economic growth or politicians' acting responsibly). If our debt keeps getting out of control, I say we focus all American manufacturing capacity towards making chocolate. We will offer chocolate to our creditors for the cancellation of debts and interest payments. If they refuse (and why the hell would they refuse chocolate!!!!), their second option is getting blown up by our nukes. It's a win win situation.

Not only that, but if we focus on chocolate production here in the US, and we become the chocolate kings of the world, we will be able to enter a golden age of chocolate diplomacy, where other countries will have to do what we want, because we have all the chocolate (I forgot to mention that this plan entails attacking all other chocolate producing countries of the world and stealing their production facilities, hence we will be the only producers of this all important commodity).

Vote for me and my chocolate diplomacy, it will help save us from our trillion dollar deficits, help us reestablish a manufacturing base in this country, will give us huge diplomatic clout, and also give us a great reason to use our military (remember? to attack all the other chocolate producing countries).

And we'll have lots of chocolate to eat as well!!!! Everybody wins.



(Full disclosure: My stock portfolio is 100% chocolate stocks)

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Kim Kardashian and Terrorist Ground Squirrels


I have so many important things to talk about. First off, Kim Kardashian is great. You are going to be shocked and saddened that I'm sort of over Paris Hilton right now. I've decided it was best for the both of us that we move on, and I'm delighted to announce that I've found new happiness and joy in my newest celeb crush which happens to be the marvelous Kim. The big news with her is that she has a photoshoot in an upcoming Life&Style magazine, and she looks gorgeous!

In possibly even more important news: the local ground squirrels are tearing up the cactuses in my yard. These creatures create little burrows, in and around the cactus, and proceed to eat the roots, thus slowly destroying the cactus plant. Creatures with such a capacity for evil and nefarious tactics fulfill the definition of 'terrorist,' nay, they go above and beyond, and can simply be branded 'Super Terrorists.'

I've done some pain staking/time consuming google research on these gruesome, awful, lazy (except in their quest for destruction), grisly, ghastly ground squirrels... and there seems to be research out there that tentatively links them to the duckbill platypus, a creature we all know to be without match in its attempt to destroy our global economy and establish a world wide duckbill platypus hegemony.

The potential link between ground squirrels and duckbill platypuses is cause for serious concern.

Here is a link to a picture of a ground squirrel, but let me warn you that their appearance can be shocking and frightening, and should only be viewed by people who don't have heart conditions or problems with nightmares.

I am currently working on dislodging the 'Super Terrorist' ground squirrels. Right now I am working through diplomatic channels, having offered them 5 pounds of dried cactus roots and a free vacation to Cancun (hehe, maybe they will catch swine flu, aren't I devious!).

Wish me luck in my negotiations, and if you have any ideas or tactics that you think might be helpful, please let me know!