Saturday, January 20, 2007

Rambo. Terrorist Gophers. Rambo Falls Off the Bed.

Rambo was sleeping on my bed tonight. He was dreaming of beautiful things, like chasing rabbits and gophers and all sorts of vicious creatures that constantly terrorize us and take away our courage to even step outside. Damn gophers... Sorry, I digress, Lord knows I can go on a tangent about evil gophers and their nefarious acts of terrorism.

I was sitting in a chair reading. Rambo, as I said, was sleeping on my bed, dreaming his dreams of sweet justice, you know, those dreams of catching and tearing apart villainous gophers.

That's when I heard a loud terrible crashing noise followed by a thud. I was frightened beyond my wits and immediately ran into my closet for safety. I hid behind my clothes.

But I was only panic stricken for a moment. As I lay curled up in a ball behind my clothes I decided to do something about the situation. I decided to throw on my superhero uniform. Part of my uniform is this t-shirt that has the letter C emblazoned on the front. To me it stands for courage. Unfortunately the back of the shirt specifies that it stands for the Chernobyl nuclear power plant facilities. Nonetheless, seen from the front the shirt is ambiguous and helps serve my purpose, plus the superhero outfit gives me courage and that's what counts.

Sitting in my closet for several minutes, I have finally drawn enough power and courage from the uniform I just put on. Now, I am ready to investigate the cause of the loud terrible noise. I won't lie, I'm still a little scared at this point...

Several minutes later I'm finished with my thorough investigation. I conclude that the noise and thud were caused by Rambo falling off the bed. There he lays, on the floor, blankets and pillows strewn around him. It is an open and shut case of innocent bed falling.

Or is it? I realize he isn't moving. Limp as a dead fish. Struck with a terrible fear, the thought that he might be paralyzed races through my mind. Could evil gophers have injected him with some terrible poison and pushed him off the bed as the coup de grace? All done while I unwittingly sat nearby reading a book... The possibilities are limitless, these unscrupulous gophers are unbelievably well trained and will stop at nothing to destroy Rambo and me.

I run over to Rambo, I check his paws and limbs and poke and prod him. Thankfully, he lazily reacts to my tests. He is sleeping so deeply he has not realized he has fallen off the bed. This must be what they call the sleep of the truly innocent, if only I could sleep with such peace...

I will leave you with several pictures. They depict Rambo and me working on gopher fighting exercises. This is top secret, we don't want the gophers to know how we train, but I don't think gophers know how to use computers so the likelihood of them finding these pictures on the internet is ludicrously slim. As you can tell from the pictures we carefully hone Rambo's skills so that he can methodically seize and interrogate villainous underground dwelling gophers with ruthless efficiency.

Furthermore, I know our methods might not please some of you tree hugging hippie wannabe's, but you know what, those gophers will steal your lunch AND my lunch if they get a chance, and I'm not willing to increase the risks by wussifying the training regimen and watering down our tactics.

And let me warn you, the following pictures are NOT for the faint of heart.

20 comments:

Sonja said...

First it's the scorpions. Then the platypuses. Now it's gophers. What are you doing to piss off all these groups? You can't survive all of these conspiracies, one of them is going to get you. Now I understand about your walrus incarnation - you're trying to hide in plain sight from your enemies!

People in the Sun said...

Right on. Enough of this PC bullcrap. Gophers are destroying our country and these damn Liberals think we can all sit around the bonfire together and sing songs humans and gophers like but there are no songs like that because the only songs gophers like involve "Death to America" as the chorus, and I'm not going to sing "Death to America" because I have a mortgage and that means I have a stake in this place NOT being destroyed. Rambo is doing a holy job. He's a very, very good boy.

Mariana said...

Awwwww... death by cuteness.

Salihah סליחה صالحه said...

LOL! Surfed in off blogmad...so glad to see that Rambo is a dog! When I started reading, not knowing you, I didn't know for sure...

; )

Babybull40 said...

Rambo is awesome.. sweet innocence when he is asleep.. glad hes ok...

imhelendt said...

Ok, he is very cute, but he doesn't so much look into the training. However, if you get him to start attacking gophers, could you send him my way? My friends are afraid I'm going to go all caddy shack on them and start blowing up the lawn.

Oh and you seriously need to place bats strategically around the house. Probably in the closet too. Walk softly and carry a big stick. That's my motto.

Shaymus said...

Hey he's grown heaps

MrManuel said...

My dogs tend to fall off the bed now and then. They can't seem to grasp the concept of "edge of the bed."

fringes said...

Rambo has convinced me to get a dog for the kids. What's a blog without pictures of one's dog? I am considering a Neapolitan mastiff. I'll have to find a purse big enough to carry him around town in.

Sebastien said...

Sonja: They're all after me! I swear! I can feel them, plotting, spying on me, everywhere, everywhere!

People in the Sun: Alright! Glad to see that you understand! Those gophers really love that song, 'Death to America.' It just makes me sick. They hide underground but turn up their stereos loud enough so I can hear that song... Those bastards!

Mariana: Rambo is sooo sweet, he really is! I love him so much!!!!

Salihah: Thanks for visiting! Haha, that's true, people might not realize Rambo is my dog, that makes the story even more fun!!!

Babybull: Thanks, yeah I really was frightened for a sec, him falling off the bed and not waking up...

Helen: What are you talking about! He's totally into the training! Bats... I like that, I like that alot, I'll wait for my sister to come home to do that...

Shaymus: It's crazy! He's a monster!

Mrmanuel: Awww, that's sad but funny! Crazy, Rambo is the same though...

Fringes: You should! You should! Your kids would be so happy and then you can put up pictures! Hooray!

Lauren Mitchell said...

He's getting so big! He's still a cutie though : )

Babs said...

I have to know... does your superhero uniform involve you wearing tights? And are you fondling that green gopher with your thumb?
Rambo is too cute. I want to pet him!

taarzaan said...

Gophers invented the internet. Little known fact.

Sebastien said...

Lauren: He's a monster!! No, just kidding, he's sweet, he is growing fast!

Babs: NO! No tights. I would never stoop so low. And NO! I am most certainly not fondling the gopher. He wishes.

Taarzaan: You know, I've heard about that, I thought it was a myth, but now that you mention it I'm sure it's true!

dolcedonna said...
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dolcedonna said...
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dolcedonna said...

oh my god!! rambo is soooo adorable! sorry.. but i think i am madly in love with him... can i pinch his cutie nosey! ok.. i got all mushy now.. haha! i guess he must be really deep in dreamland til he fell off and not realising it.. i could imagine his.. huh? wat happened kinda reaction!

psst.. could u send rambo a message from me.. tell him i love him lots.. hehehe! i just have this thing about german shephards.. loyal companions.. :D

Sebastien said...

Haha, thank you, Rambo is so happy! I will let him knoW. Man, he is a great dog. I love German Shepherds, they really are wonderful companions like you say.

SKY said...

Hi! I know I haven't been to your blog in a long time and there's so much to read and comment on, but I just had to comment on this post. The falling off the bed thing is such a cute story! I love any of your dog stories. I'll never be able to have a dog of my own (allergies) so I'm living the experience vicariously through you ok? Haha.

Sebastien said...

Hey sky! Been a while! So sad you can't have a dog. I will post more pics of the doggy soon!!!