I was visiting Tara's blog, and I learned what day today is!!! It's create a conspiracy about duckbill platypuses and their desire to take over the world day!
So, let me tell you a story, a perfectly true story. The veracity of this story is unquestionable (since it's coming from me, duh!). But first a warning: this story I'm about to tell you, well, this story is not suitable for children or people with heart problems. This story is frightening, shocking, apocalyptic, mind-jarring, and it's all about my encounters with a duckbill platypus(es).
On to the story...
I was visiting the doctor's office 2 weeks ago. It was a normal sunny day outside, but as I walked into the office, something wasn't right (and it wasn't the fact that a fat rabbit was tugging at my shirt sleeve asking me for a carrot and 6 dollars for the bus, while also trying to sell me a baggy full of marijuana). Trying to ignore the rabbit, I scanned the room. I noticed an elderly couple, sitting, waiting for their appointment. They seemed normal enough.
The receptionist waved to me with a smile, I waved hi back... but still, something, something was wrong. Then, as my eyes scanned the room, I saw IT. Two creatures sitting in the corner of the room. Duckbill platypuses. These two duckbill platypuses were quietly sitting and reading waiting room magazines. One of the creatures was reading People magazine, the other was reading Gun and Ammo magazine. Not only was the one platypus reading People magazine, but it was the latest issue, the one I wanted to read. Damn that hideous creature.
I tried to play it cool. I quietly sauntered over to the pair and surreptitiously tried to grab the People magazine away from the platypus in a kind/gentle/sneaky manner. But the platypus wasn't falling for my sneakiness, and yanked the magazine away from my prying hands. The creature snarled at me and threatened me with its stinger... "Whoah," I said, as I started to back away slowly, "whoah now, I just wanted to see what issue of People magazine that was. Ok?"
That's when they called my name. It was my turn to see the doctor.
So I go to the back room and wait a couple minutes for the doctor. Finally there is a knock at the door and the doctor enters the room. But I notice there is something odd about him. He isn't his usual 5'10 height, he is more like 3'5, midget height. How very odd. And he has grown a duckbill, and instead of skin, he is covered with brown fur. I'm beginning to think something is up, something weird and sinister, and yet, I want to attribute these weird changes that I'm seeing to the massive quantities of opium I'm smoking day in and day out... but I just don't know.
So, my doctor, or at least, this creature whom I assume is my doctor, speaks up, and says, "How's it going Sebastien?"
"Fine," I says.
"Well, even though you say you are 'fine,' let me inject you with a new super medecine. It's called Super Medecine," he says.
"Will it get me high?" I ask.
"Yup yup," he says, "and it's good for you."
"Yummy," I reply.
He opens the cabinetry, and pulls out a needle full of the super medeciney stuff. The liquid in the needle is a greenish color, and it's softly glowing. How pretty... and before I know it, he's injected the stuff into a vein in my arm. Wow!... not as good as heroin, but really, it's got a pretty good kick.
Moments afterward, the doctor (platypus?) starts laughing demonically. This isn't a good sign. With my razor sharp thinking, I quickly realize something has gone terribly wrong. My innards start to twist and turn, my body is feeling weird, rubbery, furry. I feel like I'm shrinking, and maybe even growing a bill. These weird changes happen for several minutes, and then I start feeling normal again, except more midgety, and furry, and I'm feeling slightly evil. I feel a new desire in my body, a desire to take over the world. The doctor, still in the room with me, quietly rifles through the cabinetry and finds a mirror, which he hands to me. I look into the mirror, and with utter horror/happiness (I'm not sure which), I realize I've turned into a duckbill platypus, and I want to take over the world.