Monday, May 07, 2007

Create a Conspiracy About Duckbill Platypuses and Their Desire To Take Over the World Day

I was visiting Tara's blog, and I learned what day today is!!! It's create a conspiracy about duckbill platypuses and their desire to take over the world day!

So, let me tell you a story, a perfectly true story. The veracity of this story is unquestionable (since it's coming from me, duh!). But first a warning: this story I'm about to tell you, well, this story is not suitable for children or people with heart problems. This story is frightening, shocking, apocalyptic, mind-jarring, and it's all about my encounters with a duckbill platypus(es).

On to the story...

I was visiting the doctor's office 2 weeks ago. It was a normal sunny day outside, but as I walked into the office, something wasn't right (and it wasn't the fact that a fat rabbit was tugging at my shirt sleeve asking me for a carrot and 6 dollars for the bus, while also trying to sell me a baggy full of marijuana). Trying to ignore the rabbit, I scanned the room. I noticed an elderly couple, sitting, waiting for their appointment. They seemed normal enough.

The receptionist waved to me with a smile, I waved hi back... but still, something, something was wrong. Then, as my eyes scanned the room, I saw IT. Two creatures sitting in the corner of the room. Duckbill platypuses. These two duckbill platypuses were quietly sitting and reading waiting room magazines. One of the creatures was reading People magazine, the other was reading Gun and Ammo magazine. Not only was the one platypus reading People magazine, but it was the latest issue, the one I wanted to read. Damn that hideous creature.

I tried to play it cool. I quietly sauntered over to the pair and surreptitiously tried to grab the People magazine away from the platypus in a kind/gentle/sneaky manner. But the platypus wasn't falling for my sneakiness, and yanked the magazine away from my prying hands. The creature snarled at me and threatened me with its stinger... "Whoah," I said, as I started to back away slowly, "whoah now, I just wanted to see what issue of People magazine that was. Ok?"

That's when they called my name. It was my turn to see the doctor.

So I go to the back room and wait a couple minutes for the doctor. Finally there is a knock at the door and the doctor enters the room. But I notice there is something odd about him. He isn't his usual 5'10 height, he is more like 3'5, midget height. How very odd. And he has grown a duckbill, and instead of skin, he is covered with brown fur. I'm beginning to think something is up, something weird and sinister, and yet, I want to attribute these weird changes that I'm seeing to the massive quantities of opium I'm smoking day in and day out... but I just don't know.

So, my doctor, or at least, this creature whom I assume is my doctor, speaks up, and says, "How's it going Sebastien?"

"Fine," I says.

"Well, even though you say you are 'fine,' let me inject you with a new super medecine. It's called Super Medecine," he says.

"Will it get me high?" I ask.

"Yup yup," he says, "and it's good for you."

"Yummy," I reply.

He opens the cabinetry, and pulls out a needle full of the super medeciney stuff. The liquid in the needle is a greenish color, and it's softly glowing. How pretty... and before I know it, he's injected the stuff into a vein in my arm. Wow!... not as good as heroin, but really, it's got a pretty good kick.

Moments afterward, the doctor (platypus?) starts laughing demonically. This isn't a good sign. With my razor sharp thinking, I quickly realize something has gone terribly wrong. My innards start to twist and turn, my body is feeling weird, rubbery, furry. I feel like I'm shrinking, and maybe even growing a bill. These weird changes happen for several minutes, and then I start feeling normal again, except more midgety, and furry, and I'm feeling slightly evil. I feel a new desire in my body, a desire to take over the world. The doctor, still in the room with me, quietly rifles through the cabinetry and finds a mirror, which he hands to me. I look into the mirror, and with utter horror/happiness (I'm not sure which), I realize I've turned into a duckbill platypus, and I want to take over the world.

Cool.

30 comments:

mac said...

There's nothing like a good conspiracy theory loosely grounded on unstable reality. :)

Zhu said...

Seb, I had to tell you : you have a problem with rabbits. If you could talk about it, you might feel better, don't you think ?

Zhu said...

Your story reminds me of the crazy dreams I could have when I had a fever when a child ! ;-)

sir jorge said...

I don't know...I've never seen one of these in real life, so maybe they have yet to reach me.

fringes said...

I love your stories. Wacky, but so true...

Sebastien said...

Mac: Hi Mac! Haha, this is true. We all love conspiracy theories, the crazier the better!!!!

Zhu: You are so right, I never realized how bad it'd gotten, but I have a major phobia of rabbits.

Sir Jorge: Lock yourself in the closet so they don't get you! Protect yourself!!!!

Fringes: Haha, glad you like! Everything I write is based on reality!

l.b. said...

You're hilarious Sebastien! I am going to be much more careful around the duckbilled platypuses I run into from now on.

Mariana said...

That accounts for Napoleon's short stature, it all makes sense now. Snap out of it, Sebastien! You must not give in to the Dark Side of the Force! Even if they DO have the best drugs in the universe, it's not worth it!

Battlerocker said...

Best.Holiday.Ever!!!

Tara said...

Ahh!!! So that's why you thought up this holiday! It wasn't to warn people of duckbill platypi (or is it platypuses?), it's to spread the gospel of the species because you're one of them now! It all makes sense. I still like you, though, Sebastien. Even though you're a duckbill.

Sebastien said...

L.b: Hi lb! Why thank you!!! Yes, please be careful, they are quite frightening and dangerous creatures.

Mariana: Napoleon was a duckbill platypus, I knew it, all along... I'll try to transform back to human form, I'll try my best...

Battlerocker: It is!!!! I hope it gets celebrated in every major city in the world...

Tara: I know, I'm evil, spreading the conspiracy, just cuz I'm evil :)

mist1 said...

I see the rabbit too.

MrManuel said...

Wow man, your comments are WAY upp. Congrats!

Sebastien said...

Mist1: Thaaaank God I'm not the only one!!! He's really annoying.

Mrmanuel: Haha, hey buddy, great to see you! Comments up? I think it's because I have longer time between posts...

Stratoblogster said...

How about a movie where Charleton Heston returns to earth to fight the Platypus hordes. But then Paris Hilton appears as their queen, Heston falls in love with her... then you wake up to your doctor starting to tell you about the super medicine.

Babybull40 said...

Duckbill Platypi are so evil and we will all be turned into them too..Great story.. amusing and still scary

Faz the Cat said...

I lived in Australia for 20 years and never once saw a DBP in the wild. If they do plan to take over the world (with your help) then you're probably going to need a lot more human conversions. Sorry to break the bad news.

~*SilverNeurotic*~ said...

Guess this is the last we'll hear from Seb.

Daisy said...

Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh! I should have heeded the warning at the beginning of the story!

taarzaan said...

I am dispatching my micro minions to deliver the antidote. Side effects may include dry mouth, levitation, the tendency for footwear to spontaneously combust, and fear of gravel. Ask your doctor if microminions is right for you----but not if he has already been replace with a you-know-what.

Sebastien said...

Stratoblogster: Haha, I love that idea!!! Paris Hilton and the platypuses, makes sense they are both on the side of evil!!!

Babybull: Thanks Babybull, I'm really just trying to serve the public and let everyone know about the dangers out in the real world :)

Faz: You lived in Australia, how cool!!! Oh, trust me Faz, the platypuses are much further along in their conspiracy than you can imagine...

Silver: I hope that there is a still a little bit of 'Seb' left in my duckbill platypus self...

Daisy: Hi Daisy! I'm sorry to be the bearer of such bad news, just lock yourself in the closet, you should be safe like that!!!

Taarzaan: I'm not sure I'm willing to sacrifice my footwear for this antidote, I just don't know... and I kinda like being an evil nefarious little creature, it's quite fun really :)

LeiselB said...

Oh. Wow.

Sebastien said...

I know, it's a dangerous world out there!! Even I'm surprised by how dangerous it is sometimes!

Q said...

So was the rabbit's baggy of weed priced resonably?

Katie McKenna said...

you have a wild imagination!!! :) love it!

Sebastien said...

Q: No, that evil little thing was really trying to screw me!!!

Katie: Haha, glad you like my craziness :)

SeaRabbit said...

Which part of your brain is producing such imageries!!! I am just AH!!!!!
LOLOLOL...

Sebastien said...

Ya know, I have no clue where this stuff comes from. I really truly don't, haha!!!

Babs said...

You don't have to be a duckbill platypus to want to take over the world. And why are no rabbits trying to sell me some marijuana? I saw two of them one morning a couple of weeks ago and neither of them, I say, neither of them offered to sell me a bag. But they were cute.

Sebastien said...

That's too bad that the rabbits were selfish and didn't offer you any marijuana. They should be more sharing...