Friday, May 04, 2007

Paris Hilton: Going to Jail...


Paris Hilton is headed to the slammer. Really. Truly. No lie. I promise this isn't any of my usual chicanery.

She is going to jail for, get this: 45 days! I know, I know, that's a lot of hard time to serve. I feel sorry for her, but you know who I feel really truly sorry for? Us. The public, the regular folks, you and me, people whose joy absolutely hinges on witnessing her celebrity antics day in and day out.

Paris will be ok. She will be able to entertain herself in jail, I dunno, probably by counting money or snorting coke or doing something awesome like that. But us, how, just how in the hell are we going to entertain ourselves during her jail time? We've always relied on Paris for entertainment, for joy, for happiness. And unlike Paris, we don't have millions of dollars that we can spend our time counting, nor do we have bags of coke lying around. Actually, I did have bags of coke lying around a while back, but my dog found the bags and flushed them down the toilet. That's what I get for owning a German Shepherd, a goddamn crime-fighting superhero police dog...

And you know what the saddest part of all this is? We never truly appreciated how blessed we were when Paris was free and out of jail, able to entertain us with her constant antics, day in and day out, 24/7. We became jaded and blasé, dare I say, we almost had TOO much Paris (but really, we all know that that's impossible!). So, for those 45 days that Paris is locked up, we will come to appreciate her greatness, we will never again take her antics for granted...

And I'm trying to tell myself that there is a glimmer of hope, that I will make it through those 45 days of no Paris. But when I dig deep down inside, I realize, I'm just lying to myself, there really is no hope. We are all going to suffer. I'm scared... and I don't have any coke... I'm sooo screwed.

Well, I'm gonna post a video, it might mitigate your suffering... it's a fun little clip of Anna Karina dancing around, it's really quite great...


37 comments:

Moonbeam Baby said...

I simply can not imagine Paris Hilton in jail. Is it really a done deal? I thought there was still a chance that she would get off with no jail time.

Poor Seb... how will you get along without Paris? Here's a thought: start a "Save our Paris" petition!
Although...
very few people would sign it. : )

Shaymus O'flatulence's Blog said...

I'll sign it...she's Great!

Ak-Man said...

Aye,

I'll cope just fine without her . . . In fact I'm not even sure if I'll miss her . . . meh.

What is she getting banged up for? I dont understand why rich folks end up locked up . . . too much time on their hands if you ask me.

:-p

Katie McKenna said...

too funny Sebastien!

and loved the Interview!:)

cheers!

yellowdog granny said...

I laughed so hard when I found out she was going to do time I spit my hot tea all over my Baylor Bears t-shirt...don't worry about not being intertained while she is away..I'm sure right now Brittney Spears is working on her next stupid thing..I heard she was going to keep shaving her 'girly part' and have 'no more bush' tattoed over it..

Angela said...

fabulous video!. i'm gonna go find a mirror and practice that pursed lip thing she does at the start.

(i just found you through dead man's honda. nice place you've got here.)

taarzaan said...

Let's build our own Paris Hilton----I still have some spare parts left over from that time I created La Lohan from leftover cheerleader parts and Liza M's liver---it will take us about 90 minutes, but provide hours of fun.

Pat VVV Caza said...

at least they didnt make her wear a pair of constructions boots like they did with Whitney
that would have break the charm
maybe she'll get a tattoo
or knit a pouch for her pills
or maybe buy the whole damn place to build prestigious condos
as long as she's not able to bench-press 200 pounds by the time she gets out

Sebastien said...

Moonbeam Baby: Hmmm, I'm not sure if it's a done deal, seemed like it, I only skimmed the article haha!!! Let's get that Save Paris petition going :)

Shaymus: Alright! We're gonna save Paris!

Ak-man: Haha, I can't even remember what she's going to jail for, something really dumb (goes without saying!)... I know you are trying to downplay how hard this is gonna be for you, I'm trying to do that myself, but we all know it's gonna be tough.

Katie: Yay! Thanks so much for your wonderful answers Katie!!!

Yellowdog Granny: Sooo true! We still have Britney! And Lohan for that matter. They're both gonna have to step it up a notch.

Angela: Hi Angela!! Thanks for your nice comment! Isn't that video fun, makes me wanna get up and dance :)

Taarzaan: That's what I love about you, when you've got a problem, you don't sit around and mope, you do something about it!!!!

Sebastien said...

Pat: Hahaha, Paris bench pressing 200 pounds, now that would be funny. I hope she also gets some 'hardcore' tats. She can use this jail stint to revamp her image, I'm sure she'd make lots of money either way...

sir jorge said...

What they need to do, is put her in there with someone that is potentially dangerous, so that she truly learns her lesson.

Maritza said...

Love the video! Maybe Paris will crochet a poncho a la Martha Stewart and make the world a safer place?

Mariana said...

"I'm scared... and I don't have any coke..." Best line ever! Rambo was only looking after you, you'll be grateful some day.

I too am sorry for this news. When did Paris weep that I did not wail? And just like her I only go to bed at 7 AM, all coked up! We have so much in common.

I'm ashamed to say that we're always the last to know of these things, here in Portugal. For instance, I only heard of the Lindsay Lohan/Simpson sisters feud two days ago, in an MTV program. Because it appears Lindsay was dating someone, and then they broke up and he started dating one of the Simpson siblings, and then Lindsay was jealous so she wouldn't go to the same parties, but then they kissed and made up but Simpson released a song that if you read between the lines could be interpreted as her making fun of Lindsay, and... To think that if it weren't for MTV I never would have heard of all this vital information.

~*SilverNeurotic*~ said...

I for one am happy about the news. I can't stand Paris, and 45 days of no P.H. will be wonderful.

Sebastien said...

Sir Jorge: I like this idea. I like it a lot.

Maritza: Hi Maritza! So glad you like the vid, it's a fun one... hmmm, maybe Paris will do something like that, or maybe she will make more sex tapes in jail?

Mariana: I guess Rambo thought he was doing me a favor, but it's. just. so. painful... I'm sorry about the lack of American celebrity news in Portugal, you ugys are really missing out... oh yeah, all those girls have all these feuds because of cross-dating, it's true insanity, catfights galore!!!

Silverneurotic: But it seems that her going to jail is only increasing her celebrity status... it's insane. Maybe we will have MORE Paris because of all this...

Zhu said...

So I guess I'm not the only one with "driving issues" (cf. my last post...!). Gee, that makes me feel sooo much better to see that dear Paris also isn't a good driver !

Note to everybody reading this comment : I haven't actually gone to jail or anything like that, it's just that last time I mentionned I'm not the best driver...

BTW, thanks Seb for the interview questions. I'm actually working on these...

Shaymus O'flatulence's Blog said...

I think Paris would make a good Prime minister of Australia....yes, she would be fine!

Sebastien said...

Zhu: Haha, you have more in common with Paris than you may have thought :) I have a coke addiction, so that's what Paris and I have in common... and I'm glad you got the questions, can't wait for your answers!!!

Shaymus: Shall we send her over after her jail stint, she'd make for a great PM?!

Aprill said...

I'm really surprised she's was sentenced to jail time. I figured she'd just get a fine or even community service.

Good for Me said...

great post -- damn, you're funny! i can't deal with the media coverage of stars. it makes me want to vomit. like with the britney thing. if they'd just leave her alone! do you think she'd pull half the crap she does if there was no one to watch or film it in action? ugh!

word verificatio: zoffnosy

i believe this must be the term for a jewish hook-nose. (i can say this because i'm jewish :)

david santos said...

Good qork, thank you, and have a good day

Sonja said...

This will be a life-enriching experience for Paris. She should thank her lucky stars that this happened so she can learn humility, tolerance, and how to get along with others.

Babybull40 said...

Sorry Seb, But I think I can do without hearing what's she doing.. She is pretty to look at, but that's about it.. You do remember she was killed off in that movie about the wax museum.. I think this is a sign...Telling her to smarten up already..

Tara said...

You know who's really responsible for Paris Hilton going to jail? The duckbill platypus. It's so obvious!

Sebastien said...

April: Yeah, I figured she'd get off too...

Good for Me: Haha, thanks! It's true, the attention they get fuels a lot of the antics, no doubt... Zoffnosy, that's funny, the word verif can be very weird some times!

David Santos: Thanks!!

Sonja: I seriously doubt she will learn any of those things, haha!!!

Babybull: I still haven't seen that movie, I really must...

Tara: Of course!!!! It's ALWAYS the duckbill platypuses' fault!

WAT said...

Yes Seb. Paris in jail is sooooooooooooooooooo devastating. How shall I eat? Sleep? Go on with my life now?

Uh huh. Can we throw her mother in there too?

Sebastien said...

I don't know much about her mother... Don't worry WAT, I'm in the process of forming a support group for all of us. We need all the help we can get to make it through this awful no Paris period :)

Shaymus O'flatulence's Blog said...

What a great Reality Show!
"45 day in jail with Paris"

I bet the lawyers are negotiating as we speak.

Sebastien said...

Oh yeah, I'm sure it's a done deal. Millions to be made. I hope a get a piece of the pie...

MrManuel said...

How much you want to bet she doesn't learn from this? We'll see...

Sebastien said...

Paris, learn something?! Oh my, even I'm not dumb enough to do that bet!!!

SeaRabbit said...

Hummm... living the little spoiled Hilton thing to focus on the Godard movie... 1964... Anna Karina is probably the grand-mother of every today pole dancers... ;-)Seems she didn't get them success with the pool player... ;-) Great movie... Thanks for 'le souvenir'...

Sebastien said...

I've never seen this movie, had a friend who really liked it though... she is sooo pretty, Anna Karina, I remember her in Pierrot le Fou, soooo gorgeous!

STAK said...

heh........i wanna snort cocaine with Paris Hilton in a jail cell......'twould be most excellent.......

Sebastien said...

Me too!!! Cocaine and Paris Hilton, I'm sure that combinaton will bring about tons of hilarity...

Pod said...

guess what i'm gonna be doing down the pool hall tonight......
;0p

Sebastien said...

Hopefully a youthful Anna Karina will show up!!!