Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

The Creation of Fireboy

I was gardening the other day and not giving much thought to the cottontail rabbits in my yard. Turns out, they had stolen a teacup from my cupboard, and were starting a fire dance. They started wailing and doing weird arm movements around the teacup. Once I heard their chanting and wailing, my amazingly perceptive mind realized something terrificly terrible was up.

With lightning quickness, amazing dexterity, and a spur of fear I ran to disperse the evil congregation of satanic cottontail rabbits.

Alas, I was too late. The rabbits had just managed to conjure fireboy from the depths of the teacup, and there would be no bottling him back up now. The evil rabbits had succeeded in another step towards their destruction of the suburbs. Not only had they trashed my grass and assaulted my peppers, but they had now unleashed the fury of fireboy upon the unsuspecting public... fireboy, fireboy, fireboy... a little boy with an ability to fly and a penchant for fire. Don't be surprised if you see your garden in flames, your car on fire, and a meteoric streak of fire in the sky... it is fireboy.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Picnic Bear

Hi. My name is Picnic Bear. Please come join me for a picnic. I've brought along some local anesthetic for seasoning purposes, plus if I add it to your arm you won't feel anything while I'm gnawing on your arm bone. I'm thoughtful like that.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Star Machine

I recently ordered a star machine on the internet. Guess what? It arrived, and ever since I've spent all my waking moments making stars! Wooooooooooooooooooooooo...

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Larn'in Me Some Gardening

'For young trees under four years of age, the most effective method of cold protection is to bank the trunk up to a height of about 15 inches with clean soil' - courtesy of this webpage

So, I'm totally learning lots of stuff about gardening. This soil protection technique fascinates me, so simple, so clear-cut, I like it.

Otherwise, I've put Rambo (my German Shepherd) on 24 hour patrol. I've seen some hawks flying around the area. Now, I know they usually don't eat citrus trees and bell pepper plants, but one can never be too careful. I'm also in the process of putting some ground to air anti-bird missiles in the yard. If that wasn't enough, I'm still having to fight off terrorist rabbits (the terrorist desert ground squirrels are no longer a problem, thanks to my ruthless tactics, ie fox pee, uh, actually it's a long story).

A couple of weeks ago my red chili pepper plant had produced a wonderful fruit that I was ready to harvest. To my utter dismay and horror, the day I came to harvest the fruit, it had already been half-eaten by some good for nothin' varmint (these creatures have no morals, and they don't even think of the 'poor starvin' kids in Africa' because they leave food unfinished! the monstrosity of it all). I will never forget the sight of the crime, pieces of chili-pepper strewn about the ground, the half-eaten pepper limply hanging off its branch, forlorn, violated, and devastated, clinging to its last thread of life... I have yet to find out who or what stole my chili pepper, but some of my sources inside the rabbit warrens are leading me to believe that a rogue terrorist rabbit assaulted my chili pepper plant in broad daylight.

As I gather more information, I will locate and capture this rogue terrorist rabbit. Then, uh, I guess I will cook him and eat him for lunch? With a chili pepper thrown in?

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Kim Kardashian, Federal Budgets, and Chocolate Policy

First off, look at this new photo of Kim Kardashian. Doesn't she look amazing! Very old school hairstyle, kind of looks French... part of a photo shoot to be published in O magazine, more info here.

I wish I could just talk about Kim, but, believe it or not, there are more important things to rant and rave about. Am I the only one that's worried about the federal budget, and the deficits we are putting up? I mean, I think at some point in time, we are going to get hit with the worst of both worlds (ie higher taxes and much lower social benefits)... it's like taking the worst part of the Republican and Democratic platforms: Give the government more money to do less! That's a lose lose in my book.

Supposedly there is a way out of this. Supposedly, if our economy grows at wonderful rates over a long period of time (maybe due to the discovery of new technologies and creation of wonderful super efficient businesses) we will massively boost our productivity, allowing for growth in government revenues and a reduction in debt, or at least stabilization. Some people would say another solution would be for the government to start acting responsibly, especially by showing fiscal responsibility. I wouldn't hold my breath, Republican or Democrat, they all stand to gain if the federal budget grows.

Hmmm... I have a different idea, and it doesn't hinge upon such a gamble (crazy economic growth or politicians' acting responsibly). If our debt keeps getting out of control, I say we focus all American manufacturing capacity towards making chocolate. We will offer chocolate to our creditors for the cancellation of debts and interest payments. If they refuse (and why the hell would they refuse chocolate!!!!), their second option is getting blown up by our nukes. It's a win win situation.

Not only that, but if we focus on chocolate production here in the US, and we become the chocolate kings of the world, we will be able to enter a golden age of chocolate diplomacy, where other countries will have to do what we want, because we have all the chocolate (I forgot to mention that this plan entails attacking all other chocolate producing countries of the world and stealing their production facilities, hence we will be the only producers of this all important commodity).

Vote for me and my chocolate diplomacy, it will help save us from our trillion dollar deficits, help us reestablish a manufacturing base in this country, will give us huge diplomatic clout, and also give us a great reason to use our military (remember? to attack all the other chocolate producing countries).

And we'll have lots of chocolate to eat as well!!!! Everybody wins.

(Full disclosure: My stock portfolio is 100% chocolate stocks)

Garden Update!

I'm very new to gardening, but I'm thoroughly enjoying it and learning lots! (and getting to fight evil terrorist desert squirrels while I'm at it). I'm mostly focusing on vegetables and plants that hummingbirds will enjoy. Vegetable-wise I've started off experimenting with pepper plants, as they seem to grow well here, specially hot peppers. I also have some peppers that I am trying to grow from seeds, but the following pictures are of plants that I have been growing but did not start them from the seed stage. I look forward to growing plants from the seed stage, but that will be a greater focus for me in the future.

I am also planning to organize the garden later on, do some planting in beds. For now I'm sticking with containers. I'd like to keep things as sustainable and resource efficient as possible, but I don't know many of the nuances of sustainable gardening, so that's something I really hope to learn about and improve upon. Maybe do some rain harvesting as well...

If you have any suggestions, ideas, resources you can recommend, it would be much appreciated!

Here are some pictures:

My golden bell pepper plant, with some fruit on the way :)

Jalapeno pepper plant:

Chili pepper plant:

Meyer Lemon Plant and Dwarf Lime Plant I just got... can't wait for these to grow! will transfer them to larger containers at some point...

Agastache plants, they don't look impressive, but they are babies. Supposedly they grow well in desert conditions, and once mature, they have beautiful flowering that the hummingbirds love!!!

Can't remember what this is, but another plant for the hummingbirds, pretty sure it's a native plant.

This next one is some sort of honeysuckle plant, I think Mexican honeysuckle. Another one for the hummers...

Baja Fairy Duster. Not looking so good right now but the flowers are beautiful. Another plant the hummers are supposed to like. Spoiled hummers better enjoy all the work I'm doing for them. I usually throw up the nectar feeders in the fall and winter, summer is not very practical with the feeders, as the nectar spoils too quickly. Hummingbird bonanza... I can feel it, approaching like rolling thunder, ready to overtake us, here at the house :)