Saturday, September 30, 2006

Some people were born hilarious, or they just got really stoned

What a wonderful video. This professor really seems stoned, or he took a pill to happyworld. He starts off like this: 'Wooooohhhhhhhh. Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude...Code of Hammurabi.' Need I say more.

I love his summaries of the books they are reading, they are the definition of pithy. The best part was when his voice cracks when he mentions Sun Tzu, a moment that can only be characterized as insanely hilarious. He also gets confused about when that book was written. No, The Art of War was not written six years ago!!

This video certainly begs the question, 'Is our children learning?'

Friday, September 29, 2006

Artwork: Scary-looking monsters plus news and notes from my fascinating life

I discovered this amazing artist, Nicholas Di Genova, through a post at the blog Drawn. The artist's website is I love artwork of crazy looking monsters, yet even though they are scary-looking, these monsters have a touch of the comedic.

Other notes: I discovered(just call me Columbus ok!) a site that has the sound recordings of the Truffaut/Hitchcock interviews. How cool is that! A tad on the obscure side, but if you're a Hitchcock fan probably worth listening to.

Other other notes: I went to the doctor today. I am watching many Simpsons' episodes. I've had more energy lately. I am going to an acupuncture session tomorrow. Snakes still haunt my thoughts. I want a cat. I want an army of cats. The cats will hunt the scorpions(cats are immune to scorpion venom) and possibly flush out the snakes from this house.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

I almost stepped on a snake

I was barefoot, exiting my room to get some tea. The lights were dim, and as I was putting my foot down I saw something move underneath it, a beautiful, small, black and yellow striped snake. I pretty much jumped out of my skin. Fortunately, we used the pool net to put it in a paper bag, and then we were able to put this guy outside.

I think this snake was eating all the crickets in our house, although now I'm nervous, just thinking about snakes under my bed, and scorpions in my bed...Ahhhhhh! And I never even make my bed! Which means it's easier for them to get in there. Ahhhh! The paranoia!

Anyways, I'm guessing this is a shovel nose snake, but he was trying to rattle his tail. Maybe all snakes do that, not just rattlers.

If anybody knows what kind of snake this is, please let me know.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Little Guy Dancing

As I keep surfing the internet, I only discover more and more frightening things. Witness this clip, and you will begin to see the dark undercurrents that lurk beneath the surface on the internet.

Monday, September 25, 2006

We have a big time problem in our yard...

We have an infestation of killer rabbits. They stare me down, taunt me, flagrantly display their vicious carnivore teeth. They have a cracked out look in their eyes... maybe they ate too many carrots. One cool thing though is that they are tri-lingual. They've really helped me with my Spanish. Nonetheless, they really scare me. We also have another kind of rabbit that is endemic to our yard, the saber-toothed bunny. When I feel ok I'll try and snag a photo of them or create a realistic artistic rendering. In the mean time, pray for me.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Learning about random things

My life long goal of learning as many random things as I can in one week is coming to fruition, and I'm not even trying. It's all because I haven't felt well and have gotten insane amount of tv and youtube time this past week.

Fun random things I've seen and learned:
  • Location: Florida Everglades. A huge snake eats an alligator. As he is digesting this meal another alligator promptly joins the scene and kills the snake(damn, you'd think the snake would at least be given a moment to celebrate!). Eaten alligator(now dead) slowly floats out of the dead snake(a scene I would characterize as utterly mesmerizing). Fact I learned: Snakes can eat alligators. Honestly... I'm pretty frustrated that I could have gone through 24 years of my life without knowing this, chalk it up as another black mark against our failing education system.
  • Lots of Simpsons episodes. I love that episode where Lisa creates a miniature world, let's see, all I need is a tooth, coca cola, and some static elecricity.
  • Random medical facts from Grey's Anatomy. Yup, watching this show is how I'm going to study for the MCATs and end up taking over the world. You are probably now asking yourself if I'm on crack. The answer would be yes.
  • The military channel taught me that war is good. Repeat after me, WAR IS GOOD. I also learned about our awesome arsenal of weapons. What this taught me is that if your country has sweet weaponary, war is even better.
  • I learned about Mars, and a little bit about Jupiter. Mars, ahhhh, what a kickass planet. The show I saw was very efficacious, due to its content I now think Mars is the best planet ever. That's right, Earth is just getting trashed anyhow, so sayonara, I'm going to Mars. I do need someone to come with me and help me melt the ice caps there. I also need some generous funding, because equipment and the like will run into the billions. Thanks in advance.
  • I learned Bill Clinton can get angry, and has the ability to make a Fox News reporter look, how should I put this... Well, I'm sure you can judge for yourself.
  • HUGO CHAVEZ! This guy is hilarious. He calls Bush the devil, and rails against the US(I mean, he has a right to be angry, didn't we try to lead a coup there amongst other things). He also includes references to Alfred Hitchcock and Noam Chomsky(damn that Chomsky, always making us feel guilty about being capitalist piggy-wiggies). After Chavez's devil comments, I have to assume subtlety is not one of his strengths. So.... I guess that's a good thing, because subtlety is for wussy intellectuals and for countries that don't have enough military might to back up incendiary rhetoric.
  • Incendiary rhetoric... That gets me thinking about Ahmadinejad. He was visiting the US wasn't he? There's something ironic and quite twisted in the fact that we attacked the wrong country(Iraq) and now find ourselves with our hands tied because of that endeavour while Iran happily makes its way to nuclear weapons power. We should have asked the Iranian people to pay for this war in Iraq, because they've reaped all the benefits. Lucky duckys.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

My plans, thwarted once again

I should give up even trying to do anything that involves leaving the house. It took me 4 days to feel well enough to get a haircut! And today, once again I had to bail on my friends, I don't even feel well enough to go to dinner for my friend's birthday!

Sorry. I'm done complaining now.

In other news...

There is no other news. God I'm cynical when I don't feel well.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Ode to the towel

Every once in a while I'd like to thank a particular object that has served me well(yes I'm bored, but at least I feel well enough to write, HURRAY!!!).

Dear towel,
We've been through a lot together. You've kept me dry and safe for so long, I don't even remember life before I had you.

Do you remember my crazy dog?

I'd be in my bathing suit. You would be hanging limp in my arms, safe and cozy, quietly anticipating a balmy day at the pool. I don't know if it was your wild array of colors, that rainbowy skittles mix, but whatever it was, you sparked an intense fury within my dog.

As we would make our way through the hallway on our way outside, more often than not that crazy canine would spot us. I swear that dog's eyes lit up like a slot machine on a million dollar take. You did something to him, your sexiness drove that dog to madness.

I really did try to run, it's true towel, I ran for your sake. But I ate too much ice cream, I drank too much coke, I was a piggy-wiggy, too damn lazy at the time, and because of my indolence, you suffered.

Alas, my reflexes were blunted by sloth and soon enough the dog was on top of us. Before I could even react, the dog's teeth were sunk deep in your cushy, porous fabric. I'm sorry towel, I wish I could have spared you the pain.

But you took it like a champ. You were the willing martyr, ready to sacrifice yourself for the good of the cause.

That dog was strong as an ox, and coupled with his monsterous teeth, he maintained an unyielding lock on you. Looking into my eyes, the dog would crouch lower towards the ground as he started thrashing you about with a wild glee. It was a glee I had never before witnessed, it was the glee of the demented. I'd try my best to protect you, to pull you away and save you from that terrible fate. Yet, I learned that letting you go and running for the pool was sometimes the best thing for both of us.

Towel, I did not mean to abandon you. I feel so ashamed these days, just thinking about those incidents. They gnaw at my core, they reduce me to guilt and intense introspection, I don't even know if I can respect myself anymore. My record would be sterling if it hadn't been for those incidents. I thought I could save you, by not fighting the dog and letting you go I thought things would be better. Only now do I realize that that kind of thinking was a pitiful attempt to camouflage my cowardice.

Yet somehow you managed to survive. In spite of my cowardice, you avoided becoming rags. I don't know how you did it. Was it sheer will power? I always thought you'd end up as a pile of rags, reduced to Sunday car washes and shining objects that inexplicably needed to look shiny. Your existence would truly have become existential and absurd, but if it had happened that way, I'm sure you would have discovered God, and found the strength to fight through the existential abyss.

I can't thank you enough. You took the pain, just so I could go swimming. You were such a stud, even after the crazy beat down you'd take, fresh with dog slobber and full of newly minted holes, you were still there for me, waiting to dry me off.

Damn you were tough.

Forgive me, I'm a bit bitter at the moment

Let me preface this: I'm sorry, I hate people who are bitter and angry, two very disagreeable qualities. Now that I've gotten that out of the way, I will promptly join their ranks!

I've been tired this week and have basically spent the whole time in front of the tv. There's about a million other things I would rather have spent my time doing but was too tired to do. Arrrgghhhhhh!!!!!

Let's see, my productive week included... Televised baseball games. I also watched some bone crunching football action which is a great way for me to vicariously unleash my anger. I felt very evil in finding my anger appeased when I saw some dude(actually a complete showboat) get hit so hard his helmet flew off. It was truly vicious! I'm laughing right now just thinking about it. This insane amount of evilness leads me to worry that my soul has surrendered to the dark side. I'm still a good person, right? When I'm having my bad days I'm just tinged with a slight melancholy and a dash of the macabre, that's all.

Yup, it's been a bad week. But I do thank God I haven't been having the headaches and nausea, and I have a feeling the next couple of days will be better and I'll have some energy to read.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Coma Lockdown Mode

I've been tired lately. Been too tired for most things. Though I have been watching this show, Grey's Anatomy, it's really good(although it has some cheesy moments but I don't mind so much). Once I get more of season 2 under my belt I'm pretty confident I will be ready to perform intensive brain surgeries. Ahh, the magic of television, it makes everything look soooo easy and straight forward.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Birds I've seen today

Woodpecker, hawk, hummingbird, quail, lots of small random birds. And I saw all of this from our yard! Unfortunately I haven't seen a roadrunner in a while.

I saw the woodpecker while I was eating lunch outside, I laughed my ass off. I would hate to be a woodpecker, bashing my head against trees all day long. What a ludicrous existence. Although now that I have so thoroughly trashed the woodpecker, I do feel a little guilty.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Allen Iverson likes the word 'practice'

I can't be grateful enough to the friend that turned me on to this video. The clip features Allen Iverson, a professional basketball player, and after watching this I'm pretty sure his favorite word is 'practice.' There's something about his super serious demeanor and his constantly repeating the word practice, both those things in conjunction, I dunno, funny is all it is.

Why is channel 52 so awesome?

Because it is the E channel... A channel full of entertainment, celebrities, filled with all sorts of magical, delirious, mad-cap adventures and wacky celeb beefs and sex and and backstabbing and intrigue and crime. I LOVE IT! Quite frankly, I didn't even know reality could stretch that far, until I started watching E.

So last night there was a show on this channel, all about celebrities and people who try to extort them for money. A show like this, well, I refer to it as Grade A entertainment, pure uncut glee and phantasmagoric explosions of unbelievable hilarity and naughtiness. Moreover, I learned a slew of valuable lessons. The main lesson I learned was, be careful when you make sex videos. You got a decent chance that's gonna get out one way or another. It's obvious, but I'm just saying.

I didn't make it through the whole show unfortunately. It mostly revolved around some person having lewd pictures or sex tapes of some celebrity(you'd be amazed at the variety of ways the criminals came up with such tapes or pics, sometimes it's even your husband who has a sex tape and extorts you!!!!). The best was seeing Joe Francis(the guy who does Girls Gone Wild) get humiliated in his extortion case. That guy is a slimeball so I don't feel too much shame in seeing him embarrassed.

They Might be Giants and Meow Mix

Sometimes this band is annoying, and sometimes they are perfect. I think this is one of their perfect songs. I also like their crane song, I only heard it once or twice but I have never been able to get it out of my head. That song is stuck in my head just like those meow meow commercials where the cat sings, "I want chicken, I want liver, meow mix, meow mix please deliver..." Those advertising people really know what they are doing, God knows I don't want a frikkin cat jingle stuck in my head yet there it is.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Been digging through old pictures...

And looky looky!! I found this one, dating back to when my dog(how I miss him!!) was just a wee pup. Awwww. Just brings a smile to my face, and a soft ache in my heart remembering how he brought this house to life.

In other news...
I finished the book I was reading. Ah. I love that feeling, when you have just finished a satisfying book, and now the horizon has expanded, anything and everything is possible with this next read. The next book might just save my life(did I tell you I was an optimist?), it could be immensely entertaining, or it could really piss me off, and even that can be good.

I haven't decided what to read next which is what makes things really exciting. I could read about wacky, murderous cracked out pirates(actually I'm not into that). I coul read something naughty like Jenna Jameson's biography(sounds more promising). I could read some book on politics where someone I don't like gets trashed(but that is too easy, and tires very quickly). I could read a novel in Spanish that has a bunch of crazy magical adventures(this is where I'm leaning).

I have been fully entertained today...

Since about yesterday I've felt more energetic, more awake, yet paradoxically I still feel tired(not to complain). But, the good part is, I can actually go on the computer again and do fun stuff(punch in the face for all of you thinking porn), and I can finally concentrate enough to read my book again!

I watched a ton of Ali G on youtube, haha that guy is the greatest. I love the interview he does with the FBI guy, absolutely classic. Oh, and I found this music video a while back. I love this, very catchy and fun. I don't know why, but I just realized all this stuff is British.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

New Methods in Learning Languages

This might possibly be one of the funniest things I have ever seen. This video has it all, great production values, funky beats, wonderfully touching, nuanced acting, and a grizzly story line that really hits home. I'm serious when I say I'd like to learn Japanese, so if they introduce this new method here in the US, I will be ecstatic.

I wonder if there's a perception in Japan that the US is plagued by crime. I worked in France for a while, and some people there were congratulating me on being brave enough to live in such a dangerous country. They seemed to think that you had to spend more energy and focus avoiding gangsters and machine gun fire than energy and focus at your workplace. Of course there are dangerous neighborhoods. But I think that for some French people to be thinking what they think, well, I don't know, I guess the media in France is just as effective as here, it twists and warps your mind in all sorts of crazy directions.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Cat Power

This song just blew my mind. Not sure if there's much point in posting this, since I'm behind the loop on this band, but I will do it anyways.

OH....MY.....GOD!!! I've been blinded by my dazzling genius! This band has everything to do with that previous post about Kitlers, because this band is called CAT POWER! Those Nazi cats are drawing inspiration from this malevolent band. It all makes sense...

Forward Thinking

It is important to remember and pay respects on a day like 9/11. It is a sad day and the memory of that event highlights the danger of our age. We live in a time of uncertainty(although all times are uncertain) in which terrorism, nuclear power, global warming and degradation of the environment offer a wide spectrum of possible calamities.

It is easy to get carried away with pessimism, it is also easy to become frightened of the future. Although I harbor fears, I am very optimistic about humanity and the progress we will make. Many things could go wrong, but I think there are many things that will go right.

Here are a couple of things I'm optimistic about...

The United States will soon truly turn the corner on the issue of global warming and could possibly take major steps in the right direction on this issue. This would give further impetus for countries like India and China to follow the US's lead, especially on issues like cutting carbon emissions. As it stands, how could those developing countries consider cutting carbon emissions when a country like the US has yet to take a stand.

The continuing development and implementation of renewable energy sources brings so much promise. Who knows, there could be other ways to create energy that we haven't even touched on, I think I read about the possible use of magnetic fields to create energy the other day. That's cool, and seriously, humans are smart. And stupid too, I mean, if you can create nuclear bombs, come on, can't you create some magic way to make energy that costs nothing and has no negative externalities. Do it, do it NOW! That would be a loose quote of a line Arnold Scharwzenneger used in one of those Predator movies.

Although terrorism makes it seem like the world is splitting apart, we live in an age where varying cultures are much closer to each other(because of computers, tv, airplanes). Maybe enhanced communications between different parts of the world(and all different strata of society) will be a good thing. I think it is. Call me naive on this point, but I still like the idea. Awwwww. I can see it now, all different sorts of people holding hands and supremely happy because the internet showed us the path to peace and love. Sometimes I wonder if I'm not actually a hippy.

People like Bill Gates are making a difference(I know, it's fun to hate Microsoft but give this guy respect on this). Although it could be argued their money should be used at home for people who suffer(the amazing lack of care and funds for those with mental problems in the US comes to mind), 2 cents in Africa goes way further than it does here. Hopefully there will be a day in the future where little children don't die by the thousands from a variety of diseases, and actually get a chance at living a decent life. The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation is chipping a dent in this colossal endeavour.

There are lots of people that CARE, and many people who want to make a difference. I hope and believe in a future not of zero sum gains, but a world in which all societies gain, in which we all stand to gain if someone else does well.

Maybe living standards will improve across all countries and societies because of new discoveries in energy, medical advances, anything really, you name it, and there is promise. Hopefully improvements will not be limited to the most developed nations, as they tend to be, but improvements will touch all countries and allow higher standards of living for everyone.

What can I say? I'm a sappy optimist.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

More sports...

Still haven't felt great, but there was some great tennis and some NFL action today, so that was nice.

Federer beat Roddick in the US Open final in a good match. Federer is amazing, what I love about the guy is he isn't like Pete Sampras. Federer has an all-around game in which he makes use of both power and finesse. Anyways, it's inspiring stuff(to be cliched) but it helps get me through the days in a very good way.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Kitlers. A new disturbing trend...

Brought to my attention from the blog Random Speak, I have learned of a frightening development that is taking the cat world by storm. The trend is fascism. The fascist kitties are frothing at the mouth, brimming with a vile hatred never seen before in the kitty world. Tuna is not enough in our quest for appeasement. It seems that a reckoning will take place, the ultimate of ultimate fights, a modern day gotterdammerung.

Please be kind enough to witness the evidence.

Herbie: Fully LOADED!!!!

Ok, I only saw a couple minutes of this movie, but, yes, oh my god, I have to say it was amusing. I really like Matt Dillon and Lindsay Lohan wasn't so bad. Granted I felt terrible and my judgement tends to get thrown out of whack when I'm not at my most tippity toppedness. Maybe I'm just using that as an excuse, maybe I genuinely enjoyed this movie. Whaddya think about that?

Please God, let it be a fluke. Has my sense of discrimination been blowed up? Am I too lenient in judgement, or just flat eccentric, or is it plain stupidity? Ahhhh, I suppose we'll never know. And no, that is not an invitation for people to answer that question, because I for one place enormous, unbelievable, unheard of, monsterously obscene value in my ability to judge whatever it is that must be judged, so this whole thing is a flippin' fluke.

Shoot me. Shoot me now. I really did like it.

Thursday, September 07, 2006


I've felt sooooo tired all day. Fortunately we own a little magic box that can keep you entertained for hours on end with an assortment of entertainment options. Because I'm sick, I take all the more pleasure in watching sports, I think it's that whole living vicariously thing. Moreover, sports, and especially tennis, are so psychological. I'm fascinated by how athletes respond to various situations, it's like watching a novel in fast forward. The pace at which events unfold is dizzying and mesmerizing, and I love how the outcome usually is tinged with a certain logic or fatalism.

If you ever get a chance or have the time, watch Federer play, totally worth it.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

What am I displeased about?

It pains me to say this, it burns the inside of my stomach to admit it, it even brings tears to my eyes.

Dare I say, nothing has really displeased me lately. I mean, other than my illness. So pretty much nothing has been a displeasure: the wasps are gone from my backyard; there haven't been any snakes or scorpions around; no one has made any egregious driving errors in front of me(of course I haven't been out much); no one has insulted me to my face or looked at me in a way I didn't like(once again, I'm not getting out much, but hey, it still counts); I haven't seen any terrible movies(again, haven't been watching any); the tv shows I've been watching have been rock solid in their quality(well, that is a lie, but it's been enjoyable); the weather is cooling down here finally, so my ridiculous sense of hibernation will hopefully be alleviated, at least to a certain degree.

That is why I include this picture with the bear catching a trout. Apt imagery, hopefully paralleling and foreshadowing my rise out of hibernation into a lean, mean trout hunting machine.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Got some good tv viewing under my belt

First off, I keep coming across this show, Flavor of Love. Now, I love Flavor Flav, I mean, I enjoyed the music he made back in the good old days. But what is this show about? Is this not one of the most misognyistic shows ever? I keep catching this thing at the end, and it seems so stupidly bad, but there's a tiny part of me that keeps begging for more and enjoys not knowing what this train wreck is about. And can you believe that one girl was a porn star, no, seriously, she was a porn star. Well I think that's coooooollll. This show gets upgraded in my book for the random, unwarranted, backstabbing bitchiness that takes place.

Secondly, two thumbs up for all the shows on tv about the mafia, gangsters, MS13, Alcatraz, and various top security federal penitentiaries. Who knew I could learn so much, so quickly, about things I never wanted to know about. I think I've had my fill of murder for the week. Thanks to all those top flight learning channels on tv, gangsters are now on my to fear list.

I like this show.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Oh, I must complain, I must, I must

I call this whiney bitch time.

Sometimes, during my illness, there are days where I feel so tired and headachey, I can't do much of anything. Can't read, can't really watch tv(no seriously, and that is disappointing), can't do much talking on the phone...

I guess it's on these days that this illness feels interminable, like I'm being suffocated by my own body, by time, by space, by every thing. It's not depressing so much as it is infuriating. I have no control over this thing, I can't even feel well enough to occupy myself. I don't even have my dog anymore to keep me company. Sorry for the pity party, but this whole situation is difficult for me, I really am trying my best.

I'm not usually an angry person. But days where my illness effects me this much, the anger just overwhelms my mind like a wave. A friend of mine said I should get a punching bag. I totally would, but what makes me even angrier is that the physical exertion of getting my anger out on a punching bag would make me feel even sicker. Comical, but sad.

Plus, the isolation, when I'm the only person in this house, I mean, I might as well be on Mars.

In the end, there's always worse, and you know, this illness will surely let up at some point. Oh boy, I'm really building character with this whole thing, aren't I!

Artist: Joe Coleman

I discovered this artist through an article on the New York Times website. His official site seems to be this,, and it looks chock full of information. The work looks very intense, dense, and apocalyptic. Some articles define him as an 'outsider' artist, but I'm not even sure what that's supposed to mean these days, and I doubt Coleman quite fits into that mold anyhow. Anyways, his work looks very cool and exciting, I'll let you read about if you want to find out more.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Meet my friend

This is my little friend, Sparky. I think he used to be an alligator. He likes to sit on top of my scanner. "Hello," he says to everyone out there in the computer world.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Dream Dinner Party: My 10 Guests

Who I would want at my dinner party all depends on my mood. Instead of just picking artists, I'd like to have some diversity in this thing. Sorry, I included lots of politicians and pundits. I'll make another dream dinner party one of these days that reflects my personal tastes a bit more. I think this would be fun. If a fight did take place at this party, who would win and why? Would they win by force of their words or because they have a wicked right hook?

1. Lucian Freud
2. Mos Def
3. Hugo Chavez
4. Vladamir Putin
5. Paris Hilton
6. Noam Chomsky
7. Dick Cheney
8. Dave Chappelle
9. Mel Gibson
10. Jerry Seinfeld

Hopefully my dinner would be as cozy and fun as this round of Crossfire with Frank Zappa.

Defend yourself!

Believe the hype. Danger is all around you. Living in these incredibly dangerous, amoral times, I've realized it's important to always be aware of your surroundings. You need to learn how to make use of ordinary things such as umbrellas or canes to protect yourself, because you never know when danger will strike(right tv?). This wonderful article provides useful information on defending yourself from a variety of threats, including terrorists, violent crowds, wild animals, pedophiles, muggings, serial killers, basically against any sort of threat that could be lurking around the corner.

Friday, September 01, 2006

How is this even legal?

What fun things have I discovered on the internet lately? Well this video for one. I don't want to laugh, but I can't help myself. Oh so cruel...