Celeb and Sports News (You Know You Need This! Seriously, Don't Act Like You Don't!)

Celebrity News

In fun celebrity news, Britney is just plunging into the single life with gusto. She's now hanging out with Paris Hilton too, haha, I would pay money to hear the conversation that goes on between those two!

In more Paris news, I also heard somewhere that Paris and Lindsay Lohan got into a fight, with Paris supposedly hitting Lindsay. What do these people have to fight about, I don't really get that, unless it's just to get more publicity and attention. Who knows why? Well, I guess if I had the trifecta going (young, rich, and famous) I'd do my fair share of hotel room trashing, I'd probably also be sucker punching unsuspecting rival celebrities I was jealous of, I'd also have to do a lot, lots lots lots of drugs, I'd also have to reserve a couple hours a day so I could stare at photos of myself and revel in my own beauty, my favorite would probably be creating false gossip (that would be fun!), and just being glamorous, I suppose. I just spend a lot of time wondering, if I were a celebrity, what would my drug of choice be? Seems like LSD could be nice, but nobody is doing that nowadays. Cocaine seems to be exhilarating, not to mention fashionable and chic... Marijuana is a bit too far down on the totem pole for consideration, although I think Paris was caught with some (which would certainly make marijuana fashionable to smoke once again). Quite frankly, alcohol seems to be the drug choice for celebrities with absolutely no imagination. Heroin, now that was in style, but probably about 10 years ago right? Whatever happened to the heroin chic... seems like a good thing that faded into history, but I guess models are as thin and sickly looking as ever, with or without heroin. Hopefully they get some rules in the modeling industry, those young girls get manipulated by the agencies... they have no choice but to be rail thin. What in God's name am I talking about!!!!

And I also heard this (I watched the E channel yesterday!, that's why I know all this!), Lindsay Lohan is attending AA meetings. Hopefully she'll be ok, I kind of have a soft spot for her after seeing her in Freaky Friday... Which reminds me, I still need to see the Parent Trap...

Sports

In a sense it's unfortunate, when I feel better I start doing more productive things and forget to focus on the things that matter in life. The things that matter? Well, celebrity gossip and sports of course! I can't believe I missed the Patriots/Bears game last Sunday, I had to check today to see who won (the Patriots)! I don't know who's playing this week in NFL games, although I did atone for my lack of watching sports last night by watching part of the Suns' game (they won! and Amare played really well!).

Need Celebrity News? Need Bill of Rights Info?

I know that you answered no to those questions. Nonetheless, I will provide you the information you do not need.

Celebrity News

I haven't been keeping up with the celebrity news lately, and I think I'm starting to suffer some wicked side effects from the withdrawal. Fortunately I was able to temper the side effects when I discovered this post on Lindsay Lohan. I like the interview she gives, she's quite honest about sleeping around, I don't think there's anything wrong with that... buuuut since it's Lindsay Lohan we better chastise her for such libertine Hollywoodized values.

And what is up with Paris, I haven't heard anything from her since she released her album. Is she in exile? Well, I do honestly hope Paris is ok, she's one of the few people who consistently makes me laugh. Wait a sec, here's something, oh, she made up with Nicole... That is so not scandalous. Booooorrringggggg.

Whoah, I don't know if I'm way behind the curve but I just found out that Britney is divorcing K-fed! I hope it's true, sure is about time. The only problem now is how is K-fed going to finance his awful but inadvertently hilarious music...

Election Stuff

Well, I hope in voting today you found an ingenious way to cheat the system (the new electronic voting machines seem to offer a wonderful opportunity to the tech savvy) and make sure your candidate won. Winning is the crux of the system, and if you don't do what you can do to make sure your guy wins, by ANY means necessary, well, I'm going to say that you shirked your patriotic duties, and frankly, you're probably a commie liberal who should move to Europe if you're not willing to cheat to win. If some commie liberal (likely a Democrat) gives you shit for trying to cheat, reference Machiavelli and punch the guy in the face.

Hmmm... About the Bill of Rights, since it's Election day I want to provide this link, it's never a bad idea to brush up on your knowledge of the US government.

Herbie: Fully LOADED!!!!

Ok, I only saw a couple minutes of this movie, but, yes, oh my god, I have to say it was amusing. I really like Matt Dillon and Lindsay Lohan wasn't so bad. Granted I felt terrible and my judgement tends to get thrown out of whack when I'm not at my most tippity toppedness. Maybe I'm just using that as an excuse, maybe I genuinely enjoyed this movie. Whaddya think about that?

Please God, let it be a fluke. Has my sense of discrimination been blowed up? Am I too lenient in judgement, or just flat eccentric, or is it plain stupidity? Ahhhh, I suppose we'll never know. And no, that is not an invitation for people to answer that question, because I for one place enormous, unbelievable, unheard of, monsterously obscene value in my ability to judge whatever it is that must be judged, so this whole thing is a flippin' fluke.

Shoot me. Shoot me now. I really did like it.

On TV: Celeb Beefs vs. Airplane Tragedy

Lindsay Lohan!!!!! vs. Airplane Crash

Lately I've been cultivating various things to fear because not only am I really bored, but it's kind of an entertaining way to occupy myself, although it could be considered slightly morbid and twisted. Whatever...

Of course I talked about Chernobyl in my previous posts. Well, last night I started getting my terrible headaches, and the only thing that really occupies me during those episodes is a good dosage of tv. So lo and behold I find myself alternating between two channels, VH1's Celebrity Beefs and the Discovery Channel's recounting of TWA's Flight 800 crash. Did I have to temper the tragedy of the airplane crash with a good dose of celebrity craziness? I don't know, but probably so.

Anyways, I learned a lot last night. I don't really want to fly anymore, although if I was logical, I really wouldn't want to drive anymore.

Secondly, I learned that celebrity beefs are just plain awesome. They make no sense and are pretty random, I guess celebrity beefs are a symptom of our post-modern age in which the crazier and more ridiculous things are, well the better off we all are because that IS true entertainment. By the way, GO LINDSAY LOHAN! You would totally kick Hillary Duff's ass.

I am going to SEND a major message, I will only consume the craziest, most nonsensical kinds of media, especially with what I watch on tv, because the crazier things are on tv, maybe fewer people will actually be influenced by what programs show and say. I'm stopping to think about that last thought, and realize that is some serious optimism on my part. Sorry, this whole paragraph was really condescending.

PS. Thank you tv. My consumption of your shows has allowed me to expand my fear in nearly all facets of my life. I consider my tv viewing last night to have been the cornerstone of a productive and successful evening.

Things I'm fearing at the moment:
1. Getting eaten by a shark
2. Getting eaten by a crocodile(by the way, I've had a discussion with somebody that couldn't be resolved, which would be worse, fear #1. occuring or fear #2?)
3. Terrorists
4. Serial killers, specially the sniper variety
5. Nuclear explosion
6. Disease
7. Flying

Favorite Recent News

Favorites:
1. Britney Video
2. Jenna Jameson new boyfriend
3. Lindsay Lohan sex kitten remarks...see previous post
4. Weird.
5. Hilarious. I already posted about this dog earlier, but seriously, this is the best.
6. More Jenna Jameson news, taking place here in Phoenix! What's the big deal, it's just a lap dance?

I hope that in reading this people won't think that my interests fall under porn, celeb news, and dogs. Come on, I'm a bit more diversified than that, at least I hope I am.

Lindsay Lohan, Ain't She the Bestest

Best part of this article is Lindsay Lohan talking about how she aspires to be a sex kitten, it's what she has worked hard for her whole life. I love it. I've always aspired to be a dancing carnival monkey myself. Find the Lindsay post here.