Thursday, November 22, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving! (message from Sebastien's sister)

We hope everyone is having a happy Thanksgiving! Sebastien's sorry he hasn't been able to visit all of your blogs or keep in touch, but he's been resting a lot and getting better. He appreciates all of your support and comments, and he says he'll be back.

He can't wait to catch up on your blogs, and he'll have loads of artwork and pictures (of Rambo especially) to put up when he's back. And most importantly he has lots of stories for you about Paris Hilton and duckbill platypus world domination.

Friday, July 06, 2007


Just wanted to let you all know that I'm doing ok and haven't forgotten about you! I'm just taking a bit of a break from blogging and will be back soon.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Irish Mythology

I decided to branch out in my reading. That's why I'm reading a book of Irish mythology. It's called "The Tain" and it's pretty freakin' cool. The story is a little disjointed at times, but overall it's nicely translated and good fun.

The main themes of the story seem to be fighting, death, sex, drinking, and heroic feats. These are all things I firmly believe in and find hugely entertaining. Especially the sex and drinking.

And I know you want to ask me: "But Sebastien, all that sounds great, but is there any head chopping in this story? Without head chopping, I just can't get into a story." I understand your concern, and let me reassure you that there is lots of head chopping in this story. A whole heck of a lot of head chopping, mostly executed by a hero named Cuchulainn. Cuchulainn is a little crazy if you ask me, he could have benefitted from some heavy duty therapy sessions or some tranquilers or a stay in a mental institution. I mean, this guy does so much head chopping that it's a bit too much, even for me. And Cuchulainn is also very full of himself, he's got a big ego, and he feels he's entitled to everything. Kind of reminds me of the modern day rock star... except instead of biting birds' heads off he chops humans' heads off.

Now here's a question for you:

Do you have a favorite mythological story or a favorite fairy tale? What do you like about this favorite story? or if you don't have a favorite story or can't think of one, feel free to create your own wacked out story in your comment.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Trouble In Paris-dise.

Sorry I haven't been around, I've had a bit of a rough patch with my health (it happens, but fortunately my bad periods aren't as bad nor as long as they used to be). I will be visiting blogs soon! And I can't tell you how much I appreciate your concern and kind words and comments and everything.

But the truth is, it's not my illness that's making me suffer. The source of my pain comes from something so terrible and so tragic I hesitate to even write about it. I'm sure you can guess what is causing me all this pain:

The Paris Hilton situation.

It's really weighing on me. I mean, can you believe it? Paris has been sent back to jail! For a brief moment, we all thought she had escaped and we were all ecstatic. We all began to believe in God again. With his divine intervention he had helped Paris beat the system and reaffirmed our belief that good people always come out on top. Or so we all thought. In fact, her brief escape only made the hammer come down harder on her poor suffering millionaire soul. So now she has been sent back to jail and she is supposed to serve something like 40 days in jail! How ridiculously unfair.

But I guess Paris should feel lucky that she doesn't live in a place like late 18th century Paris where she would have likely suffered a fate comparable to Marie Antoinette's gruesome beheading. Late 18th century France was not a good time to be an aristocrat.

But the crux of the matter is that I suffer because Paris suffers. Actually, I also suffer because my dog keeps drinking from the toilet and then he sneaks over to where I am and licks me! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Saturday, May 26, 2007

New Drawing

First off, I hope everyone is having a wonderful Memorial Day weekend!

As for the above drawing, well, I guess all I can say is that there isn't any blood! Yay!

Somehow, somewhere, through some literature I was reading, I came across a creature that I'd never heard of before: the pygmy hippopotamus! When I discovered that such an animal exists, I just knew I had to include it in a drawing. So, that hippo creature you see in the drawing, well, it's not a baby hippo, it's a pygmy hippo. You needed to know that.

And let me promise you one thing. I promise you, promise you from the depths of my soul, that one day I will have a pygmy hippo for a pet. The day I get this pygmy hippopotamus will be the greatest day of my life.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

New Drawing. Music Stuff. Deadliest Catch.

Newer version of the drawing (I simplified things just a little bit)...

Older version...

This is another drawing based on one of my childhood memories. In the drawing, I'm the kid wearing the weird, bear-hoodie thingy (it was in style in those days, in fact, I think it still is).

So, sometimes I'd get together with my buddies, and we'd venture out into the nearby desert. Every once in a while we'd manage to catch eyeball snakes. It was pretty cool. The blind-looking mini-polar bear wearing the red glasses, his name was Baxter, he was especially fascinated with the eyeball snakes. Unfortunately, he got eaten by an eyeball snake on one of our trips. That was kind of a let down.

I could easily write more about my childhood, but I'd like to write about some other topics.

Music Stuff
I have a couple music things I'd like to mention. One of my friends is a great composer. He crafts wonderful amazing songs, and he records everything on his own which I think is super cool. If you get a chance, please check his songs out. Here is a link to his work. I'm sure you will enjoy his music, it's amazing!

I also have another friend (who'dda thunkit!), his name is Dawen Wang, and he is trying to win a music competition. He is a GREAT singer, and he needs votes. So if you can, go to this site and listen to his song and vote for him! If he gets enough votes he will get his song played on the radio! And that will be a huge step for him in his quest to conquer the world.

TV Stuff
In other news, I started watching this show on tv, it's called the Deadliest Catch. It's quite a great show, all about people who go fishing in the Bering Sea. The footage is very impressive... fishing in those waters near Alaska seems like a very dangerous business. Although, I haven't seen any sharks so far, which means the fishing can't be all that dangerous. And now that I think about it, I haven't even seen any crocodiles, nor any barracudas. Nor the most dangerous of all the sea creatures, a creature named Shamu, better known as the killer whale that always has first degree murder on its mind. And I haven't even seen a measly electric eel on this show. I guess this program isn't as scary as I initially thought. Doesn't quite live up to the title. These fisherman mostly spend their time catching crab, and I gotta say, I stopped being scared of that creature when I turned 19, so the fear factor just isn't there for me. Well, I guess if I try hard enough I can be scared of a crab.

In spite of the lack of sharks, crocodiles, and other such dangerous creatures, the Deadliest Catch is good, I recommend watching it. So, if you are ever bored and want to watch people fishing on tv in your spare time, this show is for you. It's on the Discovery Channel.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Mini Magic 8-Ball Meme

I was tagged by Tara... so here goes:

8 Random Facts About Me

I broke my hip... the day before my 13th birthday. I'd tell you about it, but it's kind of a long story.

I love celebrity news (but you already knew this). The latest celebrity news that made me laugh: Britney Spears deplanes due to a lack of leather seats. How awesome is that?!! The answer, of course, is ridiculously awesome.

When I was younger, I had recurring nightmares about the witch from Sleeping Beauty.

I usually read the Economist before going to bed. That way, instead of having nightmares about witches, my nightmares will be about rising interest rates, terrorism, inflation, nuclear proliferation, Iraq, collapsing 3rd world economies, global warming, stock market crashes, or the rising US trade deficit. Sometimes, instead of reading the Economist before bed, I'll read something like People Magazine, just to mix things up. That causes me to have nightmares about celebrity fashion faux pas. And let me tell you, those are the most frightening nightmares of all...

My favorite art, from a particular culture and period of time, is Flemish art from the 14-15th century.

The last movie I saw in theaters was Hot Fuzz. I liked it. But I liked Shaun of the Dead more.

My favorite sport is basketball. My favorite player, other than a Phoenix Suns' player, is Gilbert Arenas.

I'd like to visit India someday.

I tag anybody who wants to do this!

Friday, May 18, 2007

I Saw a Lizard. Patterns in Nature. Deadly Squirrels. Paris Hilton. Georges Brassens.

Something very important happened the other day. I saw a lizard. I was so sure you wouldn't believe me that I took a picture (the one above). It's a cool little creature, in my opinion, and I like the diamondy pattern on its skin. I hope it doesn't get eaten by a snake.

Speaking of patterns...

I love how nature is made of patterns, very different sorts of patterns, like color patterns, patterns based on shape and form, textural patterns, sound patterns, patterns in movement... and these patterns can be seen in everything, like branches, weather, stars, leaves, grass, animals, clouds, rain, water, trees, etc., etc. I remember someone telling me that paintings of nature were nice and everything, but that really, the truest way to capture nature was through music. And when I look at the natural world, and I see all those patterns, what that person told me made a lot of sense, but at the same time, there really isn't any way to capture the complexity and beauty of the natural world (which is kind of obvious!)...

So, I think we established the fact that I think nature is pretty cool. But it can be pretty evil too. For instance, did you hear about the killer squirrels in Denver? Contrary to those first images that pop into your mind, these squirrels aren't walking around with machetes chopping peoples' heads off. No, the truth is much more terrible. Turns out, these killer squirrels have the plague, aka, the Black Death, and they can transfer it to humans!!! I always knew squirrels were evil, and this evidence only further proves how right I am in fearing these evil, demonic, Black Death giving creatures...

In other news, I was watching one of my favorite channels, E, and I learned that Paris' jail sentence has been reduced to 23 days! I'm not sure how I feel about that... I have to admit, I'm very curious, I'd like to see how much money she's going to be able to be make from her jail stint. Somehow, every thing she does makes her richer.

Lastly, I'm gonna post another French song, Aupres de Mon Arbre by Georges Brassens. It's one of my favorites, very cool song, hope you enjoy it...

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Thoughts. Another Drawing.

I've been posting lots of drawings of late. Sorry, it's kind of repetitive, but I promise I will get around to writing about really interesting things, like Paris Hilton, Herman Melville, and the NBA playoffs.

Although there are ups and downs with my illness, overall I'm able to create more than I could before. I couldn't even come up with ideas or think about creating a while back, my mind was too groggy and in too much pain... And I still get pain sometimes, but it's not as bad as before, and that makes life much much easier. And I feel sooo much stronger than before, especially my mental strength, I've never felt so mentally strong in my life. This illness is a bitch, but it's teaching me a lot of things, in all sorts of ways...

And sure, I'm still very limited, leaving the house is tough, this illness is lasting a heckuva long time, but I feel everything is trending upwards, that's what counts, so I just try and stay focused on the good, I focus on what I can do, I focus on the good things in life, and I know I'm going to will myself to full recovery.

As for this drawing, it represents an adventure I went on, back in the 80's. You might be wondering which person/creature I am? Well, I'm the little prairie dog thingy, ya know, the one holding onto the big dog's ear... It's weird, I don't remember much from that period of time, it's sorta hard even remembering what it was like being a prairie dog. I mean, I think I had good times, I remember eating plants and staring at the sky and thinking about the limits of the universe and wondering whether nothing can really exist, and if nothing exists, doesn't nothing have to be something? As a prairie dog, I struggled with these mind-boggling thoughts and questions. Ultimately, I realized all the answers lay within my prairie dog soul.

And drugs. Drugs gave me a lot of answers too.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

A Drawing. Brigitte Bardot.

This is my latest drawing. It's based on another one of my childhood memories, back when my dad used to drive me around on his Harley Davidson. Those were the good ol' days...

This drawing is also slightly inspired by the following video, Brigitte Bardot singing 'Harley Davidson.' I only recently discovered this song, and I LOVE it!

A Shipwreck. My Adventures on Borneo.

I just finished reading The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym, a story by Edgar Allan Poe. If you've read it, let me know what you thought of it, that story sure gets crazy near the end...

Part of the story is about a shipwreck. Reading those parts about the shipwreck brought back a lot of my own memories, from many many years ago, when I experienced my own misadenture at sea.

At the time, I was a wee lad of 12 years. I was idealistic, full of life and vigor, not yet hardened by reality and the onslaught of failure after failure that I would later experience in my adult life...

So, here's the story... two of my friends and I had decided to set out on a sailing voyage. I remember that first day, moments before we set out on our adventure. The sun was yellow and the sky was blue, and the clouds weren't in the sky but if they had been in the sky they would've been white. The butterflies fluttered about, drunken sailors sat on the beach and talked to each other, bragging about the previous night's debauchery (whorehouse stuff I guess). There were also hilarious knife wielding squirrels who patrolled the beach, stealing tourists' sandwiches at knifepoint. And there were lovers laying on the sand, curled together in blankets, condoms littered about them...

It was a beautiful day.

But my friends and I didn't have time to contemplate this beauty, we wanted to go on our adventure. We quickly clambered onto a catamaran, and set off into the ocean. I remember one distinct fact, the ocean was very blue. I also remember seeing a floating horse's head, it seemed like a bad omen, but at the same time, it reminded me of that movie, The Godfather, and I thought that was pretty freakin' cool. So, other than the floating horse's head, for the first hour or two, everything went well.

And then our boat flipped over.

My two buddies and I managed to cling onto the flipped over catamaran. We didn't panic. We were only 20 miles from shore. Although none of us was older than 14 years old, and none of us had any experience with the sea, well, we weren't worried. One of my buddies even wore an eyepatch, it made him seem tough and wise, and for some reason that eyepatch made us feel better about the situation. I also had a knife with me, it was my lucky knife. I called my lucky knife "Lucky." We were relieved that I had brought the knife along, Lord knows that Lucky could really come in handy. Unfortunately, when I checked my pocket to grab my knife, I realized the pocket was empty. Lucky had fallen out and had probably sunk to the bottom of the ocean. This was hugely disappointing. My lucky knife was no good to anyone now, well, maybe Lucky would fall into the hands of some ocean dwelling creature, like an electric eel or crab or octopus. And maybe the creature that found Lucky would use the knife for something good, like sharpening their teeth or cracking open an oyster.

As we looked down into the blue depths of the vast ocean, already disappointed by the loss of my knife, a terrible realization came upon us. We were in shark infested waters. And not just any kind of shark. These parts were infested with tiger sharks, the worst shark of them all. Now, you probably already know this, but I am afraid of sharks. Specially tiger sharks. Think about it, a tiger is already scary enough, right? And a shark, well there's nothing scarier! But to have a tiger combined with a shark, well, there's only one word for that: ridiculous.

In the end, we were lucky, we didn't get eaten by tigers, sharks, or tiger sharks. We magically drifted 3,000 miles, finally finding ourselves off the coast of Borneo, where we were saved by a group of fisherman just off the island's perimeter. Our shipwreck adventure had ended. But our adventures didn't end there, because once on the island of Borneo, we experienced many marvelous, crazy, and dangerous adventures. But, as I'm sure you already know, I wrote a novel about those adventures. And just in case you haven't heard of my novel, it's called: The Adventures I Had One Time on the Island of Borneo and Pygmie Elephants Kinda Freak Me Out But Tiger Sharks Are Worse I Guess So I Try To Put My Fear of The Pygmie Elephants In a Proper Context. It's a very good book, if I do say so myself.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

First Time.

Zhu, from the blog Correr es Mi Destino, is very awesome (and she's French too, that probably explains her awesomeness! :). She sent me an interview... basically, there's a list of things, and I'm supposed to explain my first experience of each thing... I think you'll understand when you read...

1- First memory
Most of my first memories are from the time period I lived in Germany. At the time, I was in pre-pre school or something of that nature. So, I was in class, and I was passing my bottle back and forth with some other little kid. The teacher lady wasn't happy that me and this kid were throwing my bottle around, and without warning she swooped down upon us and confiscated my bottle. I was utterly horrified and shocked. I needed that bottle for inner peace and happiness, and to have it taken away, and to have it taken away with such brute force, well, that was tough. I still haven't gotten over that incident. I suffer to this day.

2- First injury
My first major injury occurred when I was 5 years old. We were in France at the time, and I can't remember all the details, but for some reason I ran across the street without really paying attention. A car ended up hitting me and running over and breaking my leg. It was painful, that much I remember.

I spent a great portion of my recovery period playing with tiny model cars, racing them around, crashing them together, facing them off in death matches, it was really quite awesome and fun. Ironic too, I suppose...

The picture under this paragraph is a of a scar I have on my right elbow. It's my favorite scar. Back when I lived in Chicago, I took a tumble down the rickety back stairwell of my apartment building, and my arm broke through a window (thank God it wasn't my head!). The glass broke, and cut a huge jagged gash on my elbow. I also got cut on my hand and wrist. Luckily the glass didn't cut any major tendons or veins, but I was bleeding like crazy, almost passed out... Cooooooll!

3- First lie
When I was younger, I messed with my sister a lot. One time, I convinced her that mom and dad had been eaten by spiders. I told her that under no circumstances should she leave our room because the spiders were all over the house, and they would eat her as well. My sister was freaked out beyond belief, it was hilarious (my poor little sister, I was really awful back then!)! Unfortunately, my plan backfired... my sister ran out of our room and burst into my parents' room and woke them up (it was early morning).

In the end, there were no spiders. There was no death. But there was punishment for me.

4- First person you admired in your life
Hmmm, hard to say, I remember admiring lots of my family... I also really admired Bugs Bunny, I thought he was pretty great.

5- First time drunk
Many, many years ago!!!!

6- First failure
Has to be centered around sports. Playing on a soccer team and losing at a young age, that was my first dose of failure I suppose.

7- First success
I remember winning some swim competition when I was young. It wasn't my first success, nor was it anything major, but I thought it was pretty damn cool for some reason. I still have the medal somewhere.

8- First trip abroad
I was moving to different countries pretty much since I was born, so in that sense I'm lucky, I've always gotten to travel!

9- First concert
Seeing Sebadoh in concert! That was an awesome awesome concert. They played very loud.

10- First thing you do when you get up...
Eat some toast. Skim the paper. Most importantly, I check the celebrity gossip section :)

Guest Post by Mariana: Movie Review of "The Remains of the Day"

So, I'd like to introduce you all to Mariana, she runs a wonderful blog called Gatochy's Blog. She usually posts about a variety of subjects, she always has interesting ideas, and she loves art, film, music... Today, she is writing a guest post here at my blog, it is a review of the movie "The Remains of the Day." Enjoy!

I accidentally caught a glimpse of 1993's "The Remains of the Day" on tv, and it made me realize a) why I hate it, and b) why Anthony Hopkins was picked to play Hannibal, the cold, psychotic criminal who eats people without raising his heart beat.

In "The Remains..." he's a stiff upper lip butler who works in a big mansion, and he has lots of employees under his charge, namely his own father and Emma Thompson, who is the housekeeper. In the IMDB page his character is defined as "A butler who sacrificed body and soul to service in the years before World War II (and) realizes too late how misguided his loyalty has been." But that is so misleading. There is no supressed emotion here -- there is no emotion here. Sacrificing his humanity or common decency is not something that was ever asked of him, or something that simply came with the job. He chose to do away with them all on his own because he genuinely didn't need them. He's a silent, quiet monster.

Example: his father is sick, and dies in his bed while a dinner party is going on. It's up to Emma to see Anthony in private to give him the bad news. His retort goes something like: "I see" or "I understand". How about "Hmmm" eh, Anthony? Emma asks him if he would like to see the body. Anthony says he's busy now, girlfriend, he'll see it laters. He uses the word perhaps, perhaps later. Perhaps? You mean there's a chance he may choose to not see his father later in the day? Remember she is not exactly inviting him for tea and scones. Saying not at this very moment, thank you, perhaps later, is not the apropriate response.

Now Emma is in the horrible position of having to ask Anthony for permission to close his father's eyes, to which Anthony acquiesces. Put yourself in her shoes: here you are, working in a household, and someone dies. All of a sudden it's up to you to touch a dead body, to close the eyes of this man who is essentially a stranger to you, like so many other to-do items on your list: clean the stairways, wash the dishes, close Anthony's dead father's eyes.... Not cool, Anthony, not cool. But Anthony is all, yes please Emma, if you would be so kind, because I am rather busy right now as you can see, I don't have time to see my father for the last time. You'd think there were no other employees who could stand around looking stiff in his place. It's not that it was necessary to ask that of Emma, or that he had any right to do so, he simply doesn't care about people.

For me this character just goes to prove you don't have to be a raving lunatic who eats people to be creepy. Just being this cold, autistic, shockingly inappropriate person is more than enough. Remember the butler in "The Shining"? He was another one. All he had to do was stand there talking about how he had corrrrrrected his wife and kids and he made you shiver to the bone.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Create a Conspiracy About Duckbill Platypuses and Their Desire To Take Over the World Day

I was visiting Tara's blog, and I learned what day today is!!! It's create a conspiracy about duckbill platypuses and their desire to take over the world day!

So, let me tell you a story, a perfectly true story. The veracity of this story is unquestionable (since it's coming from me, duh!). But first a warning: this story I'm about to tell you, well, this story is not suitable for children or people with heart problems. This story is frightening, shocking, apocalyptic, mind-jarring, and it's all about my encounters with a duckbill platypus(es).

On to the story...

I was visiting the doctor's office 2 weeks ago. It was a normal sunny day outside, but as I walked into the office, something wasn't right (and it wasn't the fact that a fat rabbit was tugging at my shirt sleeve asking me for a carrot and 6 dollars for the bus, while also trying to sell me a baggy full of marijuana). Trying to ignore the rabbit, I scanned the room. I noticed an elderly couple, sitting, waiting for their appointment. They seemed normal enough.

The receptionist waved to me with a smile, I waved hi back... but still, something, something was wrong. Then, as my eyes scanned the room, I saw IT. Two creatures sitting in the corner of the room. Duckbill platypuses. These two duckbill platypuses were quietly sitting and reading waiting room magazines. One of the creatures was reading People magazine, the other was reading Gun and Ammo magazine. Not only was the one platypus reading People magazine, but it was the latest issue, the one I wanted to read. Damn that hideous creature.

I tried to play it cool. I quietly sauntered over to the pair and surreptitiously tried to grab the People magazine away from the platypus in a kind/gentle/sneaky manner. But the platypus wasn't falling for my sneakiness, and yanked the magazine away from my prying hands. The creature snarled at me and threatened me with its stinger... "Whoah," I said, as I started to back away slowly, "whoah now, I just wanted to see what issue of People magazine that was. Ok?"

That's when they called my name. It was my turn to see the doctor.

So I go to the back room and wait a couple minutes for the doctor. Finally there is a knock at the door and the doctor enters the room. But I notice there is something odd about him. He isn't his usual 5'10 height, he is more like 3'5, midget height. How very odd. And he has grown a duckbill, and instead of skin, he is covered with brown fur. I'm beginning to think something is up, something weird and sinister, and yet, I want to attribute these weird changes that I'm seeing to the massive quantities of opium I'm smoking day in and day out... but I just don't know.

So, my doctor, or at least, this creature whom I assume is my doctor, speaks up, and says, "How's it going Sebastien?"

"Fine," I says.

"Well, even though you say you are 'fine,' let me inject you with a new super medecine. It's called Super Medecine," he says.

"Will it get me high?" I ask.

"Yup yup," he says, "and it's good for you."

"Yummy," I reply.

He opens the cabinetry, and pulls out a needle full of the super medeciney stuff. The liquid in the needle is a greenish color, and it's softly glowing. How pretty... and before I know it, he's injected the stuff into a vein in my arm. Wow!... not as good as heroin, but really, it's got a pretty good kick.

Moments afterward, the doctor (platypus?) starts laughing demonically. This isn't a good sign. With my razor sharp thinking, I quickly realize something has gone terribly wrong. My innards start to twist and turn, my body is feeling weird, rubbery, furry. I feel like I'm shrinking, and maybe even growing a bill. These weird changes happen for several minutes, and then I start feeling normal again, except more midgety, and furry, and I'm feeling slightly evil. I feel a new desire in my body, a desire to take over the world. The doctor, still in the room with me, quietly rifles through the cabinetry and finds a mirror, which he hands to me. I look into the mirror, and with utter horror/happiness (I'm not sure which), I realize I've turned into a duckbill platypus, and I want to take over the world.


Friday, May 04, 2007

Paris Hilton: Going to Jail...

Paris Hilton is headed to the slammer. Really. Truly. No lie. I promise this isn't any of my usual chicanery.

She is going to jail for, get this: 45 days! I know, I know, that's a lot of hard time to serve. I feel sorry for her, but you know who I feel really truly sorry for? Us. The public, the regular folks, you and me, people whose joy absolutely hinges on witnessing her celebrity antics day in and day out.

Paris will be ok. She will be able to entertain herself in jail, I dunno, probably by counting money or snorting coke or doing something awesome like that. But us, how, just how in the hell are we going to entertain ourselves during her jail time? We've always relied on Paris for entertainment, for joy, for happiness. And unlike Paris, we don't have millions of dollars that we can spend our time counting, nor do we have bags of coke lying around. Actually, I did have bags of coke lying around a while back, but my dog found the bags and flushed them down the toilet. That's what I get for owning a German Shepherd, a goddamn crime-fighting superhero police dog...

And you know what the saddest part of all this is? We never truly appreciated how blessed we were when Paris was free and out of jail, able to entertain us with her constant antics, day in and day out, 24/7. We became jaded and blasé, dare I say, we almost had TOO much Paris (but really, we all know that that's impossible!). So, for those 45 days that Paris is locked up, we will come to appreciate her greatness, we will never again take her antics for granted...

And I'm trying to tell myself that there is a glimmer of hope, that I will make it through those 45 days of no Paris. But when I dig deep down inside, I realize, I'm just lying to myself, there really is no hope. We are all going to suffer. I'm scared... and I don't have any coke... I'm sooo screwed.

Well, I'm gonna post a video, it might mitigate your suffering... it's a fun little clip of Anna Karina dancing around, it's really quite great...

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

A Drawing of My First Fishing Experience

The drawing pictured above shows my father and me, right after a fishing experience (my first time fishing actually!). Can you believe it, my first time fishing, and I caught a shark! and my dad caught a salmony sorta fish (with his bare hook no less!).

Although, I must admit, I'm a little embarrassed by this picture. I'm looking kinda fat. I remember, back then, all the little polar bear kids really gave me hell for my weight. They were terribly cruel. But I'm not fat nor a polar bear anymore. Cool.

What was your first fishing experience like? Did you catch a shark? swordfish? Moby Duck?

Monday, April 30, 2007

The Interview!

My buddy Sonja, from the blog Quantum Leaps (a wonderful blog by the way, you should totally check it out if you haven't already!), sent me these great questions to answer. I will do my best!

1. You mentioned in one of your posts that you were born in Belgium. What sequence of events brought you to the US?

It's true, I was born in Belgium (giant sob). After that, my family moved to Germany, then Puerto Rico, and then Indianapolis. We did more moving after that too... even lived in Japan. The reason is simple, everyone in my family is a dinosaurologist. And as dinasaurologists, our goal was to find and catch the mythical dinosaur, Stegasaurus Rapsalot. Unfortunately, catching the creature proved impossible, so we all decided to move to Phoenix and become ghost story writers and UFO experts.

2. In the art world, isn't the School of Impressionism really just a club for painters with bad eyesight?

Hmmm, it's very true that Monet lost a lot of vision later in his career... but I must admit, there are some great impressionist painters who could really 'see,' and Monet, in spite of all the hype surrounding his work, was truly amazing and very consistent in his excellence... and Van Gogh is one of my favorites, he's one of the best drawers in the history of art, in my opinion...

3. Before your illness, in what ways did you use your artistic talents to make a living?

I haven't posted any of my older artwork from before I got sick, it makes me too sad... I still can't draw very often, and when I can, all's I can do is simple cartoony stuff (but that's better than nothing, that's for sure!), I can't do anything that takes a great deal of concentration and detail... Previously, my work was usually based on observation and extreme detail...

The main reason I had moved back home was so I could have more time to devote to working on my art, and also finally have some time to seriously focus on selling my art. Unfortunately, I fell sick a couple months after returning home!!! I avoided galleries for the longest time, the commissions they take, especially from young artists, are ridiculous, but nonetheless, I figure, whenever I'm better, and I can get a good series of paintings done, I will go out to LA and find a gallery. Also, I will set up a website to sell work from there. I also do commission work when healthy.

4. How have you evolved personally through having this illness?

I'm not sure how I've evolved, I think I'm a stronger person mentally because of this illness. And I think I've come to appreciate life a lot more, all the little things and all the big things too. I feel lucky to be alive. I'm grateful, grateful for life, for family, for friends, for my dog... and I hope that over the course of my illness, I can become a better person to others, more considerate, helpful, compassionate...

5. Koala bears-cuddly forest denizens, or mad, hissing nocturnal beasts?

These creatures are sweet during the day, but at night, they have what I'd call were-wolf syndrome. They turn into vicious creatures and they grow wings and fly into peoples' houses and they tear apart the furniture and they eat the drapes. It's all very sad really, and there's so much housework to be done the morning after a nightime koala bear invasion.

So, I 'd love to interview people, so here's what you do if you want me to interview you...

  • Leave a comment at my blog saying, “Interview me.” Include your blog URL.
  • I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.

  • You will update your weblog with the answers to the questions.

  • You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

  • When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

  • Have fun!

Sunday, April 29, 2007

A Drawing. 1985. Spaceship Adventure.

The drawing pictured above depicts a spaceship adventure I went on. It all happened back in 1985. Let me tell you about it...

I was 3 years old at the time. I had saved up some money, and luckily enough, I was able to buy the spaceship that you see in this picture for only $1,257. It was a great deal. The ship even came with cupholders and 60 kilos of tequila. I even think the tequila was Jose Cuervo Gold. My favorite.

I was excited, I was the proud new owner of a wonderful spacecraft, but I had a problem. I didn't know how to fly my new spaceship.

Later that night, I was drinking at my local bar when I started talking to the polar bear sitting next to me (to be more accurate, he was slumped over the table, his eyes half-closed, with his snout lazily resting in his beer mug). Turns out, he was a pilot, and he was looking for work. What a coincidence! I hired the polar bear on the spot, he would now be in charge of flying my spacecraft.

The polar bear and I left the bar in high spirits. Although, once outside, the polar bear momentarily panicked, and frantically ran back into the bar. Two minutes later he emerged from the bar with a massive grin of relief and joy eating up his face, and his huge furry paw now clasped a small ziploc bag full of white powder.

The polar bear and I settled down on a nearby park bench. While he was fumbling around with the powder, doing god knows what, I proceeded to call all my friends and invite them for a spaceship adventure. Most agreed to come along for the ride.

The next day we took off, and the first few days were marvelous, the polar bear was a great pilot, and we had great fun exploring the universe. Everything was going well, but bad luck would strike. It happened in the blink of an eye, and before we knew what was going on the drunk polar bear had lost control of the spaceship and crashed us into a wheat field full of crows.

My friends and I slowly crawled out from the wreckage. Fortunately no one was hurt. We examined the craft, and realized it was now in serious need of repairs. The crows, who had seen this crash take place, slowly approached us... they seemed pretty nice, and even offered to help us, telling us they'd fix the mangled spacecraft.

We agreed to let the crows fix our ship. So, the crows took the ship, and dragged it out beyond a field of sunflowers where they had told us their repair shop was located. They said they'd be back in a day or so with the spaceship fully repaired. Unfortunately, we never saw the crows, nor my spaceship, ever again. Nor the tequila, for that matter...

Friday, April 27, 2007


This is a drawing I recently did. You can click on the pic for better resolution.

This drawing represents a fond childhood memory of mine. I used to go on adventures with my donkey and my two friends, Barkley the Bear and Marvin the Squirrel. On our adventures, Barkley the Bear would sit behind me. He was a pretty mellow fellow. And he usually held my bloody scythe for me... Poor guy, we always made fun of Barkley because he looked like an anteater. Marvin the Squirrel usually stood on Barkley's head... Marvin was ok, but kinda uptight, always reminding us what time it was, which was pretty annoying...

Saturday, April 21, 2007

NBA Playoffs. Victor Hugo. Romanticism. Caspar David Friedrich.

The NBA Playoffs start today. This is very very important. I think. If you don't already have a team to root for, or you just don't care about basketball, well, I still think you should cheer for a team. I recommend you cheer for the Phoenix Suns. You will thank me in the end.

In other news... I finished Victor Hugo's Notre-Dame de Paris, such an amazing book. Unfortunately, since I liked it so much, I'm going to have to read more of this writer's works, and, uh, his novels seem to be very long (some writers have too much time on their hands, if this guy had kept a more active lifestyle, maybe his books would've been a little more concise?)... well, maybe I will read some of his poetry instead, read his other novels later. But this book I just finished, it was great, really well-written, and the story itself is good (although a little silly and predictable at times). I'd tell you about the story, but I'd probably give it away or more likely than not you already know the story.

Well, I'll tell you a bit about the story, for those of you who don't know... there's a 'magical' goat in the story who's able to do lots of stuff, like, impersonate people and do all sorts of other hilarious stuff which I wish I could teach my dog how to do... and then there's a hunchback character, and he's basically a fighting machine and he's exactly like Stallone in the movie Rambo, blowing bad guys away, except he doesn't use rocket launchers and sniper rifles, he uses beams and rocks and super-strength... another character is a beautiful girl who goes by the name of Esmerelda. Everybody in the story loves her except for one person, but this one person happens to be the person she loves! And this guy, whom she loves, is a total bozo, which is totally sad, but hey, this is a tragedy, so that kinda stuff happens in tragedies. And people die in tragedies, which I don't like. I like happily ever after stories, well, most of the time, although we all know happily ever after is an illusion, people grow old and fat and hog the television remote and don't help clean the dishes, not to mention the kids they have, who more likely than not are spoiled brats, always whining and trying to strongarm their parents into buying them stuff, and whining about wanting to go see a Britney Spears' concert...


Victor Hugo was part of the romantic movement, I'm not too familiar with writers from that movement, except for Chateaubriand. I'm mostly familiar with romanticism in the realm of 19th century painting... specially German romantic painters, there were a bunch of great ones, one of my favorites is Caspar David Friedrich... Some of Friedrich's paintings are very well known, but he also did some unbelievable drawings. His work tends to be sad and spiritual, and the colors tend to be low-key... I included some pictures of his work down below. And if there is one thing we can all probably agree on, it's that Caspar David Friedrich was a great tree painter. I'm guessing he really liked trees. And owls. Although, I'm not sure how he felt about gophers, but I'm willing to bet that if I study his paintings a little more I will be able find that out, and I will promptly get back to you on that (I must admit it would be a huge disappointment if I were to find out that Friedrich was a fan of gophers, we all know they are terrible, terrible creatures who are always cooking up nefarious plots).

Back to Hugo... Hugo was famous for his writing, but I found out he did lots of drawings and paintings, I guess he was multi-talented like William Blake... Although, I've searched the internet for Hugo's drawings, and I've only been able to find a couple, but they look pretty cool. Nothing mind-blowing, but cool enough...

Here is one of the few Hugo drawings I found on the internet...

And here are a couple of Caspar David Friedrich's paintings and drawings...

Virginia Tech.

Let me just write a couple words on the Virginia Tech tragedy, since it's been on my mind. What that killer did was terrible, tragic, pointless, sad, evil, cruel, and utterly selfish. He took away so many lives and hurt so many families... It really sickened me, plus I wish they hadn't released all his tape recordings, at least not right now, but that's another matter... What I'd like to say is this: don't lose faith in humanity or human nature because of this event. In fact, some people risked their lives to try and save others while this tragedy was taking place! So, we should remember to focus on the heroic, selfless actions that took place, and not focus too much on the evilness of this one character. And remember, good things are happening all the time, bad things too, but the thing is, we tend to forget the good things. Stuff that seems small and insignificant, like a stranger saying hello and giving a kindly smile. Or major stuff, like love shared between people, families, and friends. And things like devotion, actions of selflessness, of kindness, of compassion, it's all around us. All sorts of good stuff is always happening, I can't list everything because it would be impossible, and it would be an endless list, which is a good thing!

I'm an optimist...

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Some Pictures I've Recently Taken

Here are some random pictures I've taken of late.... feel free to click on the pictures for a larger version.

This first one is of Rambo, I think it's my favorite picture of him. He's such a sweet dog.

In this next picture, Rambo contemplates the fleeting nature of beauty...

Hmmm, I'ver never really taken pictures of flowers before, but I suppose there's a time for everything... Here's some desert botany for you...

I really like this next picture, the thorns are crisp but there's a shallow depth of field and things quickly get out of focus... Cooooolll.... hard to get these sorts of effects with my digital camera...

Next pictures are of a cactus... Do you know why there're all those holes in it? Of course you do, but let me mention it anyways: the monsters (in this particular case, carniverous machete wielding rabbits) carved those holes so that they could easily climb in and out of the cactus. They sleep inside the cactus at night.

I promised you this wheelbarrow picture. Here it is. In my book, anything that looks beat-up and dirty has character. Well, not really, but no matter...

Ohhhh, this next photo is really dramatic... one of those light from heaven sort of photos, haha...

Next picture is of myself. I'm looking quite haggard, but you know, that's how it goes sometimes. I think I have a sort of serial killer look going here. Nice. I really need to post some pictures where I'm smiling!

Next picture... If you read my previous entry, you'll remember I mentioned that I talked to monsters the other night. In fact, one of the monsters took this picture. He was quite tall.

An Adventure

It's night time. I just took some pictures outside, I'll post them later. Let me tell you about my adventure outside...

Obviously, it was dangerous taking all these pictures at night, since night time is when all the monsters come out of their tree hollows and underground warrens. Sometimes even Paris Hilton comes out at night (she lives with the monsters). Sure enough, tonight I ran into Paris. Before I could run away she grabbed my arm and started talking about all sorts of boring things. For some reason she started talking about a lady that went by the name of Hildegard of Bingen.

So, Paris is talking about Hildegard like I'm supposed to know who this is and I nod and throw in lots of non-committal phrases to act like I follow but really I have no clue who Hildegard of Bingen is and I feel a little guilty acting like I know who Hildegard is but you know what? Lying is always good fun... lying is like a ballet, and I, in my attempt to achieve masterful lying, I shoot for greatness, and try to emulate and duplicate the mastery and artistry of the greatest of all the ballet dancers, the most bedazzling, nimble-footed, eye-blindingly great dancer the world has ever seen, Nikita Khrushchev. What a beautiful man.

Anyways. Even though I'm enjoying lying my ass off, I really want to cut this boring conversation short. I tell Paris that I have a searing, grappling hooks in the back of my brain kinda headache. Paris is insulted, but I couldn't care less.

I escape from Paris and in a flash I'm back inside the house and jump on the computer and google Hildegard of Bingen, because who knows, maybe she is single and I sure would love having a girlfriend by the name of Hildegard, that's for sure. Fortunately there's a Wikipedia entry and I find out that Hildegard is descended from T-rexes, is a very good tennis player, enjoys men who drive Ford Tauruses and benchpress 13 pounds. I also learn that she aided the duckbill platypuses in their attempt to take over the world (this is the first attempt I'm talking about, back in 1146 CE). It also turns out Hildegard is very famous for having visions.

When I find out about the visions, I decide I don't want to date Hildegard anymore. My heart is crushed, I had such dreams for us: a little house in the country, surrounded by a white picket fence, talking moose in the backyard, 2 ton elephants who would stay in the upstairs bedroom and hopefully they would indulge me and play Monopoly with me but always let me win... and we would have had rules in the house, honest good rules, like no chainsaws inside the living room, no circular saws inside the bedrooms, and most importantly, everyone would have to be armed with machetes at all times. It was going to be perfect. And then Hildegard ruined it all by turning out to be a psycho. It's going to take me a while to get over this, talk about a huge blow. Speaking of blow, let me just pull out a credit card here so I can straighten out a morale boosting fix me up...

Flash forward a couple minutes. At this point, I've recovered from my shocking discovery of Hildegard's visions and I'm feeling good again. I step back outside and am relieved to see that Paris has disappeared. Out of the corner of my eye I notice several monsters standing a ways off, and they seem to be conversing in Mandarin, very loudly. I silently approach and listen in (yes, I understand Mandarin!). Turns out they are talking about Gilles de Rais. Gilles is a man famous for his reality show... he also runs a very successful pastry business, his most popular pastry is fashioned in the form of a severed head. It's grisly but the public loves it and keeps him in business because of it. Gilles de Rais also enjoys duck hunting and breaking thousands upon thousands of sunglasses in his spare time.

I try and interject and join the monsters' conversation, mostly because I want to show off my huge knowledge. I mentioned a couple facts about Gilles earlier, but I also know that he is connected to Joan of Arc (or, as the French affectionately call her, J-dog), they both fought battles together... so I pipe up and say how awesome it was that Joan of Arc, a woman warrior, along with Gilles de Rais defeated the evil Spongebob Squarepants at the battle of Chop Everyone's Head Off (of course, it goes without saying that this historical battle happened back when Spongebob Squarepants was a real person and not a figment of the tv's imagination).

As I finish speaking about Joan of Arc and her great victory, all the monsters start laughing hysterically. One monster, a fellow with red horns and a big fangy smile, takes a pause from his laughter to tell me, "Joan of Arc!? She wasn't a woman! She wasn't even a human being! Joan of Arc was the name of a flying schoolbus that crashed into a cloud and came crashing down to earth and somehow in the process magically transformed into an anteater. Hence, your mentioning Joan of Arc has nothing to do with anything, and proves you have no knowledge, and that's why we are all laughing so hard!"

Shocked and utterly embarrassed by this revelation, I decide I must redeem myself. I boast, "I'm totally knowledgeable. I got lots of knowledge. In fact, I'm super knowledgeable. Let me prove it to you." To their amazement I recite the multiplication table up to 3X3, and then I also explain the history and origin of coffee mugs. All my knowledge sure shut them up. And I knew, from that moment forward, I would always get the respect I deserved for being super knowledgeable like I always knew I was.

By the way, here's a picture of Joan of Arc in her most current form...

Friday, April 13, 2007

Kurt Vonnegut.

It's very sad, the novelist Kurt Vonnegut passed away the other night. When I was growing up, he was one of the first writers whose work I fell in love with.

May he rest in peace.

Do you guys have a favorite Vonnegut book? It's been so long since I read any of his work, but I always loved his craziness and the interesting ideas in his books. I remember really liking Cat's Cradle, but I can't remember the first thing about it. I need to dig that book up and reread it.

Rambo Time.

Been a while since I posted doggy pictures. Meet Rambo, the dog who always wants to play. He's very fond of his blue rubber ball. Unfortunately those balls have a super bounce and they always end up in the neighbor's yard or back behind the house where I know there are millions of snakes and scorpions... well, I only found a snake once, it was black with yellow and red stripes, I almost stepped on it. Fortunately it wasn't a diamondback or anything of that nature (it was a harmless king snake), but still, I'm not a total fan of snakes, I mean, sure, they are beautiful looking creatures but come on, you wouldn't want to pet a snake, right? And there's a bunch of cinder blocks out back and plywood and all sorts of construction junk which make a perfect nesting ground for scorpions. There's a couple of wheelbarrows too, I need to get some pictures, they are very cool looking wheelbarrows. Seriously.

What was I saying? Oh yeah, here's Rambo.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Flower on a Cactus.

I took this picture a little while ago, the flowers are blooming on the cacti. The flower in this picture kinda looks like a fireball, but really, these flowers look much more sentimental and sweet when you see them in person, or maybe they look more evil, really all depends on your perspective. Just don't stick your face near them, for some reason dogs always do that. Dogs tend to stick their faces near things they shouldn't, like jumping cholla for example. I don't know what it is about the thousands and thousands of frightening needles all condensed together in one terrifying bunch that so attracts dogs, and I suppose I'll never know, because I'm not a dog whisperer. So, often enough dogs get jumping cholla all over themselves and believe you me, pulling jumping cholla needles out of a dog is no fun. For that matter, pulling jumping cholla needles out of oneself is no fun either.

Jumping cholla is malicious, malevolent, and malignant, so please, if you decide to go hiking around Arizona, make sure to bring high caliber weaponry, one can never be too careful. And ground squirrels can be dangerous too, so keeping a gun on you at all times is imperative. I even suggest keeping your gun under your pillow while you sleep, and most importantly, keep your gun on you when drinking large amounts of tequila at a bar. I've always found that whenever my judgement is impaired, I can always rely on my gun to immediately remedy any confusing conflict that arises.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Movie Review: Grindhouse

I went to the theater yesterday to see the movie Grindhouse. Honestly, I had zero expectations... believe it or not, I don't like all of Tarantino's movies, I mean, sure, I love Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown, Reservoir Dogs, but I never really got into the Kill Bill movies. I don't know why, I would've thought they were right up my alley, but instead they just kinda bored me.

Anyways, Grindhouse was amazing! It was thrilling, exciting, just a blast to watch, I don't think I've ever been as entertained by a movie as I was by this one.

Basically it's two movies in one, the first part is a film directed by Robert Rodriguez, it's called Planet Terror. The opening scene takes place at a dance club and showcases the lovely Rose McGowan go-go dancing, certainly an auspicious beginning! So, the film is pretty much just a crazy zombie movie... the action is great, tons of crazy stuff happening... super extreme violence, which really didn't bother me because it's so overdone that the violence loses most of its usual meaning. And the film is really crisp, seamless, suspenseful, atmospheric, the dialogue is fun and great, the characters are wonderfully crazy and stylized... Weird stuff happens, like Rose McGowan's character loses a leg and gets a super-gun screwed in to take the place of her leg... did I mention that there are lots of needles in this movie, one attractive lady doctor has a reserve of needles which she wields like a carnival knife thrower. Cool. The film is just superb, the violence, visuals, humor, execution of the scenes, dialogue, it just doesn't get more perfect and fun than this.

The second film is directed by Quentin Tarantino and it's called Death Proof. After Rodriguez's film, I was doubtful this second part would be as good. Death Proof was different in style and content, but it was every bit as good! This movie involves young attractive women, a pyscho serial killer who kills young attractive women with his car, and car chases with said young attractive women and psycho serial killer, and constant references to the movie Vanishing Point, which I've never heard of... Anyways, Tarantino's film is less cartoony and less stylized than Rodriguez's film, and it's a little more focused on dialogue and not as visually stunning or violent in comparison to the Rodriguez flick, but it's just as cool and exciting... although, if forced to choose, I have to say Planet Terror was my favorite of the two films.

These films spoof tons of older films and are very silly but the spoofing and silliness never manage to overshadow the action, story, and atmosphere of the films. It's hard to be original and stick with your story when you are constantly spoofing crazy shit, sometimes a story loses all sense of meaning when that happens, but that never happens with these films, they are just too fresh, crazy, and fun!

And the craziest thing is that these films are so damn funny! I wish I could tell you about the end of Death Proof, I laughed so hard...

These movies have everything going for them, they are funny, filled with beautiful action, great dialogue (which would seem weird because it's very B movieish), awesome suspense and atmosphere, I mean, it's all good, all around! and to see these flicks back to back, how awesome is that, they work so well together.

I guess all I can say is that the film was masterful, absolutely positively masterful. Definitely one of my favorite films ever!

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Blood Test. Ground Squirrel. Science of Sleep.

I went to get a blood test today. In the room where I had my blood drawn, there were huge glass windows and beyond those windows was a golf course. It's quite a nice looking course, weeping willows hanging over ponds and all that sort of stuff... and the sky looks so beautiful from this room, I don't know what it is about that view but it always amazes me. Maybe 'they' planned it that way, so I'd be distracted from the fact that someone was sadistically sticking needles in my arm while they laugh a laugh that sounds like it's coming from the depths of hell.

Anyhow. Guess what creatures I saw popping out of the ground at this golf course? Ground squirrels! They would pop out of their holes and calmly watch people play golf. They were quite funny, I wonder what those squirrels think of when they watch humans play golf. Maybe they think of nothing, or maybe they think the weather is hot and they hope the sprinklers will start up soon... Unfortunately I didn't get a chance to talk to the squirrels, I was in such a rush, I would've certainly asked them what they were thinking about.

In other news, I saw this amazing movie, Science of Sleep, I loved it! Definitely recommend it, although it isn't for everyone, it's not, well, I guess it's not very linear, within the movie things are always jumping back and forth from reality to dreams. One really cool thing about the movie is that it features Charlotte Gainsbourg, Serge Gainsbourg's daughter! Anyways, the film is really creative, beautiful, charming, and just plain fascinating. I like it just for the visuals, but it's also very lyrical and the acting is great, so check it out if you get a chance.

Here's a vid of Charlotte singing, never heard her stuff before, she's good...

Tuesday, April 03, 2007


Why is there always a fly in my glass of water?

No, seriously. Why?

At least the flies aren't crawling up inside my eyeballs. That exact situation happened a while back, and it was a most unpleasant experience. Let me tell you about it.

First of all, I have no clue as to how the flies ended up behind my eyeballs. They just did, ok?

So these flies behind my eyeballs were a problem. My dog and I brainstormed for solutions. We decided that he needed to crawl into my ear with a waterbottle and flashlight and attempt to flush out the flies from my eyeballs. Granted, it was a risky idea, considering the fact that neither my dog nor me are familiar with human anatomy, but we said what the hey, let's quickly check out the Artist's Guide to Anatomy and give this thing a shot.

Before starting this endeavor, I turned on the radio and set it to NPR. It was my dog who wanted to listen to NPR, he said it helps him concentrate.

So my dog crawled and squished himself up into my ear and into my head. How did he find the courage? I don't know, he's a eff'n hero and he eats his frosty flakes, that's all I know. Then, with unparalleled agility and surgical precision he managed to find the flies behind my eyeballs and he washed them out with water from his bottle. I was happy to be rid of those symbols of death.

Thankfully, due to my dog's extreme dexterity, I survived this episode without any serious damage to my eyeballs. And I was back to my carefree self again! I felt free, free like a bird, and with this sense of regained freedom I resumed my favorite hobbies: frolicking and rolling around in mud; breaking dinner plates and porcelain wares with my favorite hammer; nailing thousands upon thousands of nails in beautiful arabesque patterns all over my neighbor's bedroom (sometimes I house-sit on weekends); putting on African masks and reading The Odyssey in the original Dutch while the rabbits from my yard eat chocolate bunny rabbits and dance around me chanting about the end of the world (the rabbits tell me the act of eating the chocolate bunnies is symbolic, of what, I still don't know). I also resumed my habit of burying my friends' Ipods and other expensive electronic equipment in my backyard. I don't know why I have that habit, but it helps me relax, and you know what, who cares about the why so long as something is enjoyable and relaxing.

In real news... Someone told me about this commercial they saw, something about a talking squirrel and Abraham Lincoln. I felt like telling them that I too talked to squirrels, I've never spoken to Abraham Lincoln though, but definitely had serious intellectual debates with these squirrels in my yard. A subject we particularly enjoy discussing is the history of land ownership and its socio-economic impacts. The squirrels say property rights are the foundation of capitalism. I think it's chocolate. Anyways, those squirrels have amazing analytical skills, I think they made a pact with the devil, in exchange for their souls they were given reasoning skills and 20 kilos of heroin. Good deal.

Five Things I'm Obsessed With...

I was tagged by Moonbeam Baby and Babybull.

So, five things I can admit to being obsessed with:

1. Art
2. Bicycles
3. Literature and Paris Hilton
4. Fearing sharks/duckbill platypuses/monsters/gophers
5. Basketball

I now tag the following people to follow suit:


What to do with a Meme: Copy the questions into a new post and answer them. Tag some different bloggers. Go back and let the person who tagged you know that you did it.

Monday, April 02, 2007

Quotes about Monsters.

Here are some quotes about monsters that I found. After each quote I include my thoughts. I'm very perceptive and have lots of insight, so read this post, you will learn soooo much!

"He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." Frederich Nietzsche

Oh, gotta love that Nietzsche quote, I'm sure he's being serious but it makes me laugh. Woohoo, lets fight monsters and become monsters ourselves, what a kickass deal! I'm gonna go find some zombies and vampires right now. And that part about the abyss, that sounded pretty deep and mind blowing but ultimately the abyss is my bitch so it doesn't scare me.

"Adversity makes men, and prosperity makes monsters." Victor Hugo

I think Hugo is trying to say that prosperity makes you fat and lazy, and evil too (although I do think being evil is pretty super). Wait a sec, I may have misinterpreted the quote... maybe Hugo means that prosperity turns you into a crazy cool monster, maybe like Cerberus or something hilariously frightening of that nature... Either way, I can't wait to be prosperous.

"There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them." Andre Gide

Bullshit. All monsters warrant the fear we have of them. Gide obviously never came across a duckbill platypus, he would certainly have had a change of heart (a heart that would have been gleefully ripped out by the duckbill platypus, hence the necessity for a change of heart, ie heart transplant).

"Fantasy, abandoned by reason, produces impossible monsters; united with it, she is the mother of the arts and the origin of marvels." Francisco Goya

Uh, I disagree. Impossible monsters are the coolest and most marvelous of the marvelous. Goya, you overestimate reason and underestimate the coolness of craziness my friend...

"Ignorance breeds monsters to fill up the vacancies of the soul that are unoccupied by the verities of knowledge." Horace Mann

You, Horace Mann, are knowledge's bitch. We all know knowledge can be good but it is not the ultimate good. The ultimate good is, well, can you guess it? Why, crazy monsters of course! Hooray for ignorance and monsters!

"Everyone carries around his own monsters." Richard Pryor

I enjoy carrying my monsters around in a Prada handbag. I loooove the stitching...

"I am able to play monsters well. I understand monsters." Anthony Hopkins

I don't like playing with monsters. They steal my lunch then beat me up. I think the animosity between the monsters and me is due to a lack of communication. We need to polish off a couple of tequila bottles and really bond, then we'll be cool.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Paris Hilton. College Basketball. Victor Hugo.

Paris Hilton might be going to jail. This is terrible, shocking, malicious news. What are we going to do for all those days she's in jail? How will I find joy in my life without the colorful shenanigans of this celebrity? We need to band together and create a support group, because I have a feeling we are going to be very depressed and the coolness factor of life will get knocked down a couple notches if she ends up in jail. True story.

In other news... anyone watching the college basketball tournament? I'm torn, I don't know who to cheer for in the final, Ohio State or Florida? See, I like Ohio State's Greg Oden, but I really like Florida's Joakim Noah (because he's French? and he's the son of Yannick Noah? maybe). I was pretty sad in the first place, my school didn't make it into the tournament (I don't know if they ever have... well at least we were good in football), and Georgetown didn't make it to the final either which was sad... And the thing is, I can't watch a sports game without cheering for someone, and if I really don't care for either team I usually cheer for the underdog or whatever team has a cooler logo. Florida does have a cool logo, can't go wrong cheering for alligators, those are dangerous creatures you know, and buckeyes don't strike me as very dangerous, but who knows, maybe they are but I've never heard of a buckeye attacking a human being.

In other news... I started reading Victor Hugo's Notre-Dame de Paris. Just started so I have nothing informative to say, I'm slightly worried it might be extremely boring, but I'm taking a chance on it. I've never read any of Hugo's works, and frankly, I'm staying away from Les Miserables, not only because it's a crazy long book, but also because I've had my fill of socially conscious novels, I feel like every 2 out of 3 books I've read is all about social struggle, which is fine, but I like the occasional story about warfare, zombie attacks, and a love story sprinkled here and there.

Thursday, March 29, 2007


Sorry I haven't been around much. Been tired/having headaches, but I promise to get back in the swing of things.

Let me tell you a tale, the story of my past week, a week filled with frightening murders, debauchery, owls with machine guns, rabbits flying aeroplanes, sex, sex, guns, sex...

Well, I'll tell you about all that next time. In the meanwhile...

I saw my doctor the other day and he recommended that I try melatonin when I'm having headaches that prevent me from falling asleep at my usual hours. We talked about literature too, he told me he was reading Tocqueville, and I was very happy to hear that, can't read enough of the French writers, that's what I say!

I tried the melatonin for the first time a couple nights ago and it seemed to work well, I slept a good long time. Although I did wake up once because I had a creepy nightmare (and I haven't had a nightmare, at least a memorable one, since I was a little kid, wait a sec, that's a lie, I had a nightmare about sharks a couple weeks ago... you think I kid but it's true). I tried the melatonin again the next night, and again I slept well, except I had another nightmare, and this one really flipped me out. When I woke up, I felt like I never wanted to go back to sleep again...

The problem is, I can't perfectly remember the dream, but all I know is that I haven't felt that chilled and frightened in ages. The most frightening aspect of the dream was the atmosphere. Actually, in both nightmares I had, there was this sense of impending doom and terrifying suspense, this possibility of great unknown terror striking at any moment... I think that was the scariest part.

I do remember some parts of the last nightmare I had... I was in a house, the setting was late at night, everything was dark except for some blue moonlight. Pretty standard set for a bad horror movie I guess (my mind isn't very original in its attempts to create nightmares?).

So, I'm in this random house, in the middle of a big room on the first floor. Looking up I expected to find a ceiling, but there wasn't one, or at least I didn't see one, all I saw were staircases that led up and up into the darkness. The room I was in was huge, and there were playpens and fences (why, I have no clue), and I think there were people, but I can't remember what they looked like, oh, I do remember one of the people was a coworker from one of my jobs years ago... she was kinda crazy. I don't know what the hell she was doing in my dream, I barely knew her and I haven't seen or thought of her in ages. Maybe she paid admission to get into my dream? Which reminds me, feel free to send me $50 and I promise you the privilege of a guest appearance in one of my dreams...

As I'm looking around, I somehow get caught in one of the fences, and by some weird terrible miracle a necklace of shrunken heads got wrapped around my neck. The physics of my dream was a little weird, I don't know where the shrunken heads came from nor how I got 'stuck' in the fence. Anyways, as I'm stuck on the ground, immobolized by the shrunken head necklace, this is the point I realize something truly terrible is about to happen. As I mentioned some parts of the room were lit by moonlight, but the room was so big that there were large sections filled with darkness (oh, how scary!).

So, I have this realization that something is coming to get me, something from the darkness, but I woke up before I got a chance to see what the thing was. I was hugely disappointed, talk about getting ripped off. I was waiting for the payoff... getting to see my head chopped off in my own dream would've been pretty cool.

Plus I can't believe there weren't any machete wielding animals in this dream... does my subconscious not have the power to create that sort of wacky stuff???

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

A Memory. My American Film Experiences.

First off, I didn't plan on writing about sharks in this post yet that's what I ended up doing. I guess they fascinate me. Or maybe sharks control my brain, I really don't know.

I was relatively young when my family moved to the US.

The movie experience, particularly the American movie experience, was new to me, and it really blew my mind. The films I saw featured whole new worlds full of craziness and diabolical weirdness, lots of attractive women and demonic monsters, lots of pithy wordplay and characters embarking on harrowing yet successful endeavors... but I particularly enjoyed seeing all the attractive women on screen. And the monsters were cool too, but they didn't help my psyche very much.

You see, the American film experience is truly unique, at least it was at that point in time, before globalization had really walloped foreign film industries (I don't know how true that is, but it seems that way). Moreover, what added to the power of all these American movies I was seeing around 1989-90, was the fact that I was a naive little 7 year old whose viewing experiences consisted mostly of cartoons. The cartoons I had seen were shorts featuring the likes of Bugs Bunny (I always loved Bugs, but I did find his fondness for cross-dressing a little perplexing), Donald Duck, Daffy Duck (whose insane anger never ceased to amuse me, I always remember Daffy getting his beak blown off his head, I thought that was the pinnacle of hilarious, I still do), and Mickey Mouse (although I thought he was boring).

Little did I know how much contemporary American films would change my provincial outlook and form me into the demonic monster I am today. I've come a long way, that's for sure.

One of my first big screen experiences was Ghostbusters 2. Frankly, it was as terrifying a thing as I've ever seen, specially given how young and impressionable I was. I haven't ever seen the movie again, but I remember snippets from that first, traumatizing visual experience...

One thing I seem to remember from the movie were the monsters or ooze that would materialize out of faucets. I even think there was a scene where the bathtub faucet had ooze coming out of it. It was also around this time that I saw Jaws for the very first time. My cold hard intellectual reasoning quickly put 2 and 2 together and I realized the jaw-dropping potential catastrophes that could take place: not only could monsters and ooze could come out of faucets, but there was a huge potential that Jaws could come out of the faucet. This new fear began haunting me night and day, it smothered me, I couldn't go anywhere without worrying about sharks bursting out of faucets. Even the water fountain at school was a potential death trap. I tried warning my friends, but my broken English didn't allow me to properly convey the gravity of the situation.

My mind, once launched into these kaleidscopic visions, would imagine all sorts of frightening scenarios. One such scenario was the one where my parents would call for me, search for me, only to come upon my bloody bathtub, the murky water topped by a couple pieces of floating flesh, and maybe a jagged bone fragment here and there... Lord knows what they would have thought, I would've been too dead to explain that my demise came about from a shark monster that materialized out of the faucet. And I felt sad, I didn't want that to be their final memory of me, my blood in the bathtub, maybe a shark tooth embedded in a piece of my unrecognizable flesh, serving as a subtle clue that might allow my parents to figure out the godawful truth of my demise...

So after seeing Jaws and Ghostbusters 2 I never really could relax anymore when I was in the bathroom. In fact, the thought of Jaws or monsters coming out of household spigots haunts me to this day. And, needless to say, I'm insanely afraid of the ocean. And you know that grate in pools, the one at the bottom of the deep-end, well, it's connected to the ocean via a long pipe and Great Whites can travel through it and end up in any household pool at any given time (I know others believe this, I've come across an internet post or two that asserted this hideous truth). But the CIA doesn't want you to know this truth, and they've done a bloody good job at keeping it covered up (maybe you didn't notice, but we never heard again from those internet posters who asserted the truth). The CIA might even be right in smothering this awful truth, because the truth might be too hard to handle for most people (that's a Jack Nicholson allusion, I'm subtle like that). Hence, most of us live in ignorance, which is probably for the best.

Sheesh, that was a pretty standard conspiracy theory paragraph, sorry, I don't feel very original sometimes.

Ok, anyways, let me finish this because I don't know what I'm saying.

There is something good that came out of all this. My uncle, to this day, reminds me of the time he brought me and a friend to McDonalds. What we ordered for dessert and devoured with utter joy still perturbs him. My friend and I ordered green slime, you know, I think the Ghostbusters people had a deal with McDonalds at the time... so my friend and I ate this green slime dessert, it was probably just toxic waste covered in sugar... but it was sooooo yummy.

So in the end, the movie Ghostbusters 2 might have scared the crap out of me, but at least I got to enjoy some green slime. A happy ending. Yay!