Learning about random things

My life long goal of learning as many random things as I can in one week is coming to fruition, and I'm not even trying. It's all because I haven't felt well and have gotten insane amount of tv and youtube time this past week.

Fun random things I've seen and learned:

• Location: Florida Everglades. A huge snake eats an alligator. As he is digesting this meal another alligator promptly joins the scene and kills the snake(damn, you'd think the snake would at least be given a moment to celebrate!). Eaten alligator(now dead) slowly floats out of the dead snake(a scene I would characterize as utterly mesmerizing). Fact I learned: Snakes can eat alligators. Honestly... I'm pretty frustrated that I could have gone through 24 years of my life without knowing this, chalk it up as another black mark against our failing education system.
• Lots of Simpsons episodes. I love that episode where Lisa creates a miniature world, let's see, all I need is a tooth, coca cola, and some static elecricity.
  
• Random medical facts from Grey's Anatomy. Yup, watching this show is how I'm going to study for the MCATs and end up taking over the world. You are probably now asking yourself if I'm on crack. The answer would be yes.
  
• The military channel taught me that war is good. Repeat after me, WAR IS GOOD. I also learned about our awesome arsenal of weapons. What this taught me is that if your country has sweet weaponary, war is even better.
  
• I learned about Mars, and a little bit about Jupiter. Mars, ahhhh, what a kickass planet. The show I saw was very efficacious, due to its content I now think Mars is the best planet ever. That's right, Earth is just getting trashed anyhow, so sayonara, I'm going to Mars. I do need someone to come with me and help me melt the ice caps there. I also need some generous funding, because equipment and the like will run into the billions. Thanks in advance.
  
• I learned Bill Clinton can get angry, and has the ability to make a Fox News reporter look, how should I put this... Well, I'm sure you can judge for yourself.
• HUGO CHAVEZ! This guy is hilarious. He calls Bush the devil, and rails against the US(I mean, he has a right to be angry, didn't we try to lead a coup there amongst other things). He also includes references to Alfred Hitchcock and Noam Chomsky(damn that Chomsky, always making us feel guilty about being capitalist piggy-wiggies). After Chavez's devil comments, I have to assume subtlety is not one of his strengths. So.... I guess that's a good thing, because subtlety is for wussy intellectuals and for countries that don't have enough military might to back up incendiary rhetoric.
  
• Incendiary rhetoric... That gets me thinking about Ahmadinejad. He was visiting the US wasn't he? There's something ironic and quite twisted in the fact that we attacked the wrong country(Iraq) and now find ourselves with our hands tied because of that endeavour while Iran happily makes its way to nuclear weapons power. We should have asked the Iranian people to pay for this war in Iraq, because they've reaped all the benefits. Lucky duckys.
  

Debate? Bush vs. Ahmadinejad.

I am so happy. I just found a very funny article in which Ahmadinejad offers to debate George Bush. That would be fun. Pay per view. $50? I would pay.

Now, I think the Bush/Kerry debates showed us that debating has lost all sense of value in our day and age since everything is about gloss and spinning and looking good and having pretty teeth and all that(actually I didn't watch the debates but that's what I'll claim anyways because it works with what I'm saying). Look, if I've learned anything in my life, it's that looking really really good always beats out intelligence and moral uprightness. Always. If you look good you can get away with all the naughtiness you want, take a gander at our celebrities(oh how I love you dear celebrities!)

Now, we are in the 21st century. Since debates are so passe, I propose that they set a date and time for something cool and wacky, something postmodern. They should have a hot dog eating contest. I would propose a kung fu match, but that almost seems too bland, almost too befitting of my sense of humor. My inner American entrepreneurial spirit tells me we should do something better than a debate, because we could make WAAAY more money. Pay per view. $100, 200... We're all winners in this. Just keep brewing up a storm with Iran Bush, it'll be sweet, you're gonna make us a hell of a lot of money!! We just need to find the right postmodern money-making event to pit Ahmadinejad against George Bush.

Hopefully Bush doesn't blow this thing for us and decide he wants to just blow them up. We would lose a whole heck of a lot of potential earnings and profits if he did such a thing. I'm not a fricking weapons contractor, I'm an entertainer. There is no entertainment value in just blowing these people up, the only ones that win with that are the aforementioned weapons contractors and the news networks.

Verbal sparring, ratcheting up of tensions, it's fun, sort of like the Cuban missile crisis. Boy, those were the good old days when we didn't know if a 3rd world country might blow us up with Russian supplied nukes. Well, I guess all we have to worry about today are rogue terrorist groups with no borders and lots of resources.

I forgot what I was trying to say, hehe... I don't think I had much of a point except I thought the debate idea was kind of funny.