Series I'm Playing With: "Sebastien's Alphabetic Misadventures"

First up is the letter A. It features a passed-out alligator...


Next up is the notorious letter B. Featuring a crazed bunny and his flame-thrower...



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We're Goin' To Bear Heaven!

Coffee Bear Still Trying to Get a Handle on Properly Drinking His Coffee

Coffee bear has trouble drinking coffee. Here he can be seen with an upside down coffee cup on his head. HEY! That's not how you are supposed to drink your coffee!! your manners are deplorable, disgusting, and downright disturbing!!!



Sometimes coffee bear gets excited about his coffee and dunks his whole head into the coffee-filled cup. Mmmmmm, looks like a nice way to enjoy coffee... but once again, I have to say it doesn't seem like proper coffee-drinking etiquette.

If You Think Hard Enough, You Can Make Yourself Float. And Make a Giraffe Appear!

Posted this on my facebook account a little while ago. Another drawing with floating kids!

And it really is true. If you think hard enough, I mean super focus 5000, you will be able to float. And even make a giraffe appear if you think about that hard enough, but the giraffe is like the icing on the cake! Floating is the be all end all in my eyes.

I'm going to work on more drawings with Giraffes :) Will also do some drawings of fire-breathing hummingbirds, an idea thought up by the most amazing Laura. Like I told her, add fire and flames to anything, and it is automatically one hundred times better!

Say Hello to My Friend, PoloBear

I got a polo shirt today. I think I will call myself 'Polo Bear' from now on.

The Creation of Fireboy

I was gardening the other day and not giving much thought to the cottontail rabbits in my yard. Turns out, they had stolen a teacup from my cupboard, and were starting a fire dance. They started wailing and doing weird arm movements around the teacup. Once I heard their chanting and wailing, my amazingly perceptive mind realized something terrificly terrible was up.

With lightning quickness, amazing dexterity, and a spur of fear I ran to disperse the evil congregation of satanic cottontail rabbits.

Alas, I was too late. The rabbits had just managed to conjure fireboy from the depths of the teacup, and there would be no bottling him back up now. The evil rabbits had succeeded in another step towards their destruction of the suburbs. Not only had they trashed my grass and assaulted my peppers, but they had now unleashed the fury of fireboy upon the unsuspecting public... fireboy, fireboy, fireboy... a little boy with an ability to fly and a penchant for fire. Don't be surprised if you see your garden in flames, your car on fire, and a meteoric streak of fire in the sky... it is fireboy.

Picnic Bear

Hi. My name is Picnic Bear. Please come join me for a picnic. I've brought along some local anesthetic for seasoning purposes, plus if I add it to your arm you won't feel anything while I'm gnawing on your arm bone. I'm thoughtful like that.

Floating Kids

Floating kids? I think I had too much to drink again.

Star Machine

I recently ordered a star machine on the internet. Guess what? It arrived, and ever since I've spent all my waking moments making stars! Wooooooooooooooooooooooo...

Larn'in Me Some Gardening

'For young trees under four years of age, the most effective method of cold protection is to bank the trunk up to a height of about 15 inches with clean soil' - courtesy of this webpage

So, I'm totally learning lots of stuff about gardening. This soil protection technique fascinates me, so simple, so clear-cut, I like it.

Otherwise, I've put Rambo (my German Shepherd) on 24 hour patrol. I've seen some hawks flying around the area. Now, I know they usually don't eat citrus trees and bell pepper plants, but one can never be too careful. I'm also in the process of putting some ground to air anti-bird missiles in the yard. If that wasn't enough, I'm still having to fight off terrorist rabbits (the terrorist desert ground squirrels are no longer a problem, thanks to my ruthless tactics, ie fox pee, uh, actually it's a long story).

A couple of weeks ago my red chili pepper plant had produced a wonderful fruit that I was ready to harvest. To my utter dismay and horror, the day I came to harvest the fruit, it had already been half-eaten by some good for nothin' varmint (these creatures have no morals, and they don't even think of the 'poor starvin' kids in Africa' because they leave food unfinished! the monstrosity of it all). I will never forget the sight of the crime, pieces of chili-pepper strewn about the ground, the half-eaten pepper limply hanging off its branch, forlorn, violated, and devastated, clinging to its last thread of life... I have yet to find out who or what stole my chili pepper, but some of my sources inside the rabbit warrens are leading me to believe that a rogue terrorist rabbit assaulted my chili pepper plant in broad daylight.

As I gather more information, I will locate and capture this rogue terrorist rabbit. Then, uh, I guess I will cook him and eat him for lunch? With a chili pepper thrown in?

Kim Kardashian, Federal Budgets, and Chocolate Policy

First off, look at this new photo of Kim Kardashian. Doesn't she look amazing! Very old school hairstyle, kind of looks French... part of a photo shoot to be published in O magazine, more info here.

I wish I could just talk about Kim, but, believe it or not, there are more important things to rant and rave about. Am I the only one that's worried about the federal budget, and the deficits we are putting up? I mean, I think at some point in time, we are going to get hit with the worst of both worlds (ie higher taxes and much lower social benefits)... it's like taking the worst part of the Republican and Democratic platforms: Give the government more money to do less! That's a lose lose in my book.

Supposedly there is a way out of this. Supposedly, if our economy grows at wonderful rates over a long period of time (maybe due to the discovery of new technologies and creation of wonderful super efficient businesses) we will massively boost our productivity, allowing for growth in government revenues and a reduction in debt, or at least stabilization. Some people would say another solution would be for the government to start acting responsibly, especially by showing fiscal responsibility. I wouldn't hold my breath, Republican or Democrat, they all stand to gain if the federal budget grows.

Hmmm... I have a different idea, and it doesn't hinge upon such a gamble (crazy economic growth or politicians' acting responsibly). If our debt keeps getting out of control, I say we focus all American manufacturing capacity towards making chocolate. We will offer chocolate to our creditors for the cancellation of debts and interest payments. If they refuse (and why the hell would they refuse chocolate!!!!), their second option is getting blown up by our nukes. It's a win win situation.

Not only that, but if we focus on chocolate production here in the US, and we become the chocolate kings of the world, we will be able to enter a golden age of chocolate diplomacy, where other countries will have to do what we want, because we have all the chocolate (I forgot to mention that this plan entails attacking all other chocolate producing countries of the world and stealing their production facilities, hence we will be the only producers of this all important commodity).

Vote for me and my chocolate diplomacy, it will help save us from our trillion dollar deficits, help us reestablish a manufacturing base in this country, will give us huge diplomatic clout, and also give us a great reason to use our military (remember? to attack all the other chocolate producing countries).

And we'll have lots of chocolate to eat as well!!!! Everybody wins.



(Full disclosure: My stock portfolio is 100% chocolate stocks)

Garden Update!

I'm very new to gardening, but I'm thoroughly enjoying it and learning lots! (and getting to fight evil terrorist desert squirrels while I'm at it). I'm mostly focusing on vegetables and plants that hummingbirds will enjoy. Vegetable-wise I've started off experimenting with pepper plants, as they seem to grow well here, specially hot peppers. I also have some peppers that I am trying to grow from seeds, but the following pictures are of plants that I have been growing but did not start them from the seed stage. I look forward to growing plants from the seed stage, but that will be a greater focus for me in the future.

I am also planning to organize the garden later on, do some planting in beds. For now I'm sticking with containers. I'd like to keep things as sustainable and resource efficient as possible, but I don't know many of the nuances of sustainable gardening, so that's something I really hope to learn about and improve upon. Maybe do some rain harvesting as well...

If you have any suggestions, ideas, resources you can recommend, it would be much appreciated!

Here are some pictures:

My golden bell pepper plant, with some fruit on the way :)


Jalapeno pepper plant:


Chili pepper plant:


Meyer Lemon Plant and Dwarf Lime Plant I just got... can't wait for these to grow! will transfer them to larger containers at some point...


Agastache plants, they don't look impressive, but they are babies. Supposedly they grow well in desert conditions, and once mature, they have beautiful flowering that the hummingbirds love!!!


Can't remember what this is, but another plant for the hummingbirds, pretty sure it's a native plant.


This next one is some sort of honeysuckle plant, I think Mexican honeysuckle. Another one for the hummers...


Baja Fairy Duster. Not looking so good right now but the flowers are beautiful. Another plant the hummers are supposed to like. Spoiled hummers better enjoy all the work I'm doing for them. I usually throw up the nectar feeders in the fall and winter, summer is not very practical with the feeders, as the nectar spoils too quickly. Hummingbird bonanza... I can feel it, approaching like rolling thunder, ready to overtake us, here at the house :)

A Child's Memories

Back in the day, I knew a girl that owned a floating fire-breathing mini-horse! She was so lucky, and always so happy, because she traveled all over with this creature, to India and China, and even to school. You can see the evidence above... I was so jealous, but she was very nice, and let me ride the horse from time to time!

This next picture shows a wonderful memory of mine. We were on a bombing mission over Bloahdfahekd Land, with our drunken polar bear pilot at the controls. I was in charge of the lights, making sure we could see ahead. My neighbor (the one with the floating fire-breathing mini-horse) was in charge of dropping bombs. We were really good at blowing stuff up. I was so proud of our blowing stuff up skills.

'Dog Connection' and Steven Seagal Movies

You know how some people say they feel so connected to their pet? Well, I can say the same thing, except I mean it literally. My dog and I are a dynamic duo, linked together through tubes and brain waves, we use our power to defeat evil (or create it, sometimes I forget what our mission statement specifies).

Otherwise, I am very excited, I have two Steven Seagal movies on tap from netflix. They are called 'Hard to Kill' and 'Out for Justice.' I haven't watched a classic bad movie in a long time, so I figured I could use a solid dose of Steven Seagal revenge style movies. These kind of movies are good for the soul.

'Making Stars' and Winsor McCay Images

In this little drawing, I revisit a theme that I thoroughly enjoy, star-making! Obviously star-making is a fantastic hobby, I fully encourage everyone to try it some time. Very good for the soul.


I picked up a great book from the library, which features some fascinating illustrations by Winsor McCay. McCay was the creator of the Little Nemo comics, which are beautifully drawn, but which I haven't had the opportunity of fully reading.

The two following images are in the book I picked up, I love 'em!

First up, Winsor McCay's drawing on the Black Death, fittingly titled "When Black Death Rode." I think it's absolutely fabulous (but not a very happy drawing, which I hope you can recognize on your own, haha)...


Next up is a McCay drawing that catalogues the evils and power of drug addiction. This one is called "The Monster- A Horrid Reality." Pretty vicious imagery, this piece looks very contemporary...

And who knew having a drug addiction could be so uncool. I'm going to have to strike out 'Start a drug addiction' from my to do list.

Magical Horse Fun

Hey y'all. Don't forget to put a big smile on your face and find a magical floating horse!

Mini Fire Breathing Floating Bear!

You guys! You guys! I'm so excited. I was walking outside and I ran into this mini fire breathing floating bear! It was incredible. I have become fast friends with this creature. I can't believe how fascinating this mini fire breathing floating bear is, I would've never guessed such a creature could be so interesting.

Stories to come. I promise.

Oh, forgive the stars and circles in the top left of the picture, those are part of another sketch. It involves a little girl walking a floating helmet wearing dog. I swear to god.

Hope you are all enjoying the weekend! and I hope you are as lucky as me, and run into a mini fire breathing floating bear.

Do You Like My Googles?

Misguided Arsonists?

This drawing in no way reflects my opinions or stance. Personally, I feel that the use of molotov cocktails to destroy cars, buildings, institutions, bird fountains, STOP signs, anything really, is not a good thing.

The two above characters are probably very misguided.

But at least they are having lots of fun.

To balance things out, let me throw in a happy stars drawing. Super happy star fun time...


PS. I might have to figure out a better way to draw molotov cocktails. Anyone has an idea, let me know :)

PS PS. I am really enjoying this book I got from the library: 'Exploitation Poster Art'

Some really silly, quirky imagery and titles. Here are some I really liked (hope I get to see the movies someday):

Happy Mother's Day!

I love my mom, she is wonderful, in oh so many ways! I'm thankful to have such an amazing family and wonderful people in my life. I know I could've never made it through the hardships in my life without my family's support and love, and for that, I am forever grateful.

I hope you all get to spend time with people you love as well this weekend!

Don't Play With Matches!

I know some of you have a serious problem because of your crazy love for fire.

Today's lesson is all about the dangers of fire, and the importance of not playing with matches. I am a bear, and although not as cool nor famous as Smoky the Bear, I still try and spread the word on the dangers of fire and playing with fire.

Unfortunately for me, my message is not always well received by little Sebastien.

So, remember everyone, don't play with fire. Even if your self-esteem needs a major boost and you think that lighting a match and burning a couple of cars with molotov cocktails will help you feel better... well, just don't do it.

Super Happy Starburst Fun Fun Time

The first car I owned was my favorite car I've ever owned. It was tiny, brown, had red hubcaps and white-walled tires. It even shot starbursts out of the exhaust, daaaayyyyuummm that was cool!

I was living in Japan at the time, and I didn't even know it, but I had been chosen to appear as a contestant on a Japanese game show. It was called 'Wow Wow Super Happy Fun In Your Earball Happy Time.' I didn't speak any Japanese, but no matter, when I was chosen to appear as a contestant for this show, I couldn't say no!

The premise of the show was pretty interesting and challenging. Each contestant was given 100 pounds of 5 drugs, namely heroin, morphine, cocaine, LSD, and marijuana. With these drugs, we were given a 3 hour window to sell them, we could choose any location we wanted, have friends or associates help us, plus use any method of transportation we wanted. Whoever made the most money off of selling these drugs in the 3 hour time window was the winner. The winner of what you might be asking?! Well, the winner of what this whole story is about, a little brown car with red hubcaps and white-walled tires and an exhaust that shot out starbursts of course!!!

You know how the show went, since I ended up with the car. I had made the most money off of selling the drugs I was given, and I was prouder than proud could be.

The sad thing about this story is that during the contest one of the other contestants was caught selling the drugs by an FBI agent working undercover in the Japanese prefecture of Ninomiya. Said contestant was promptly extradited to Abu Ghraib where he enjoyed several productive years, getting to take stretching classes, lessons in electricity, and fascinating lessons in agitated dog behavior.

Anyways, I ended up with the car, so that was cool.

When I Was a Boxing Bear

There was a period back in 80's when I boxed. I was the champion of all the land (in my mind at least). People were always down on my dream of becoming a champion bear, saying things like, "You are too old," or "You are too fat," or "I don't like you," or "Your teeth are so crooked it'd be great if you got punched in the mouth to straighten those suckers up" or "I hope you get knocked out because you deserve it for being such a terrible bear."

These things stuck with me, and fueled my fire. Fueling my fire was a good thing in many ways, as it was a cheap and affordable energy that I could use to not only heat my home but light my cigarettes.

People in the boxing business noticed my amazing skills, and dubbed me, "Great white bear who smokes a lot." I was truly flattered. And then I got flattened. Flattened by another bear, no less!

Gosh, the memories are just rushing back, searing my veins and bringing tears to my eyes... I want, I want to talk about this tragic fight, but the loss to this other bear, the memories still rumble through my brain and make me sink into the deepest of bear depressions.

The good thing about being a bear is that during these bouts of sadness I can go off and hibernate. Hibernating is very therapeutic, even for bears who are down and out on their luck!

Kim Kardashian and Terrorist Ground Squirrels

I have so many important things to talk about. First off, Kim Kardashian is great. You are going to be shocked and saddened that I'm sort of over Paris Hilton right now. I've decided it was best for the both of us that we move on, and I'm delighted to announce that I've found new happiness and joy in my newest celeb crush which happens to be the marvelous Kim. The big news with her is that she has a photoshoot in an upcoming Life&Style magazine, and she looks gorgeous!

In possibly even more important news: the local ground squirrels are tearing up the cactuses in my yard. These creatures create little burrows, in and around the cactus, and proceed to eat the roots, thus slowly destroying the cactus plant. Creatures with such a capacity for evil and nefarious tactics fulfill the definition of 'terrorist,' nay, they go above and beyond, and can simply be branded 'Super Terrorists.'

I've done some pain staking/time consuming google research on these gruesome, awful, lazy (except in their quest for destruction), grisly, ghastly ground squirrels... and there seems to be research out there that tentatively links them to the duckbill platypus, a creature we all know to be without match in its attempt to destroy our global economy and establish a world wide duckbill platypus hegemony.

The potential link between ground squirrels and duckbill platypuses is cause for serious concern.

Here is a link to a picture of a ground squirrel, but let me warn you that their appearance can be shocking and frightening, and should only be viewed by people who don't have heart conditions or problems with nightmares.

I am currently working on dislodging the 'Super Terrorist' ground squirrels. Right now I am working through diplomatic channels, having offered them 5 pounds of dried cactus roots and a free vacation to Cancun (hehe, maybe they will catch swine flu, aren't I devious!).

Wish me luck in my negotiations, and if you have any ideas or tactics that you think might be helpful, please let me know!

Hide and Seek!

I was babysitting Sebastien again, when he mentioned that we should play hide and seek. I agreed with glee, since it is one of my all time favorite games (even if I am at a disadvantage, being a super humongous bear makes it hard to find good hiding places for myself).

Well, my turn came to cover my eyes and count, and Sebastien was supposed to go off and hide... things didn't turn out the way I expected. I sort of ended up with an axe in my forehead.

Lesson: Don't play hide and go seek with axes and little kids. Or maybe I shouldn't ever play hide and go seek with Sebastien ever again. I wonder if we can play something innocuous like Scrabble without me ending up with an axe in the forehead?

He Needs Coffee!

So, sometimes I have to babysit this little kid. In order to avoid prosecution and death threats, let's change the name of the little kid and just call him by the code name 'Sebastien.'

Sebastien can be very bossy. And he likes his coffee. He will ring a tiny bell from his bedroom, usually around 3am, to signal me to prepare the coffee and come deliver it.

I am a bear. I wasn't made to serve coffee, especially into someone's skull. It sort of freaks me out. But hey, babysitting Sebastien pays well, so... life ain't all bad.

Explosive Driving

I remember driving a car that exploded fire out of the exhausts. It was pretty great. Until I barbecued some innocent pedestrians...

I have to admit, that in my life as a bear, well, I was pretty focused on bear things, like catching fish and hibernating. Soooo, driving wasn't really my strong suit (sorry pedestrians). But I was soooo good at hibernating, so at least I had that going for me.

In other news: I am going to be taking and posting some pictures of my most amazing garden experiment (one bell pepper plant and one chili pepper plant).

You will be blown away.

I promise.

Sketchy Time

Another day, another sketch, another hat I enjoy wearing. I usually wear this giant skull hat around the Easter holidays (please don't ask me why). My crane friend enjoys chilling on top, he says there is a nice view. Probably looking at the chicas. Crane chicas that is.

Enjoy the holidays...

Have You Ever Worn a Giant Bird Hat?

Because I sure have!!! Excuse the roughness of the drawings I'm putting up, they are all directly scanned from my sketchbook. The drawing displayed above depicts a fond memory from my childhood, when I used to wear a giant bird hat and my body was fueled by the giant heart that was popping out of the bird hat. Yes, it really all makes sense, when you stop and think about it...


Otherwise, I am starting to do a little research into war posters. There are some fascinating images, they tend to be simple, direct, and very powerful (and sometimes downright weird). I don't always care for the message, but in terms of design, they can be intriguing. Please let me know if there are war posters you find interesting, or if you come across any that are weird and hilarious. Those are usually my favorite ones. I saw one that had a bulldog with the face of Churchill. It kind of freaked me out, so I will spare you from seeing that image!

These are some war poster books I'm looking forward to checking out from the library or tracking down one way or another:

Design for Victory

And I am trying to track this one down, the library has it, but it has been checked out since 1996. I tend to be an optimist, but I have a feeling this book is never coming back...

Persuasive Images

Another book that was recently published is about posters from the Cold War, looks promising:

Posters of the Cold War

Let's Go For a Ride

This is a little sketch I scanned from my sketchbook. It is not a very clean drawing, but it clearly illustrates a memory from my youth.

I used to hang out with this little kid, and he would drive us around in this egg-shaped car that had helicopter wings on top. I usually had to drink a lot of liquor, because my little kid friend was not a very good driver. The alcohol helped me deal with my terrible fear of dying in a fiery car accident. Of course we ended up having accidents, but I was fortunate, I had the constitution of a bear, so when we did end up in those wrecks, I didn't suffer too badly. A little scratch here, a little scratch there. And my little driving companion didn't ever get hurt either, thank the good lord.

I will rehash other memories in the coming months on this blog... I had a period of time where I was a bear priest in Southern Mexico. Also went through a period where I made my living as a bear wrestler (I mean I was a bear that wrestled, not someone who wrestled bears, at least I didn't consistently wrestle other bears. I did fight against psychotic steroid popping gophers, transexual myopic raccoons ridden with rabies, and 3-legged 1-eyed crocodiles who had leather fetishes. I digress. But I do have to mention, not without some pride, that I won all those fights.).

This wrestling faze, like my career as a bear priest, took place in Mexico. I actually have quite a few wonderful memories from my time in Mexico.

A Little Drawing for Today

I haven't been around in ages. It's sort of a long story (involving my going undercover amidst a group of evil terrorist gophers, in an attempt to foil their plots and bring them to justice). I'll be sure to brief you on gopher nefariousness soon enough.

Anyhow, here's a drawing from a little while ago. I'll try to post more. I promise. So long as the gophers don't kill me. Or the deranged duckbill platypuses. Or the evil egrets who like to work in tandem with the sadistic sandpiper clan.

I sort of have a lot of enemies. I'm important like that.

Happy Thanksgiving! (message from Sebastien's sister)

We hope everyone is having a happy Thanksgiving! Sebastien's sorry he hasn't been able to visit all of your blogs or keep in touch, but he's been resting a lot and getting better. He appreciates all of your support and comments, and he says he'll be back.

He can't wait to catch up on your blogs, and he'll have loads of artwork and pictures (of Rambo especially) to put up when he's back. And most importantly he has lots of stories for you about Paris Hilton and duckbill platypus world domination.

Break

Just wanted to let you all know that I'm doing ok and haven't forgotten about you! I'm just taking a bit of a break from blogging and will be back soon.