Television. It's Great.

Ok, I haven't spent much time today on the computer, so I'm a bit behind on the blogs. I've been trying to rest because my body is so tired from all the damn headaches... but there is good news from all this resting. It means I watched lots of television. And watching television means I learned tons of kickass shit.

And I suppose this a bit of a rant, but hey, I've felt like pretty bad these past weeks so I'm allowed!

First off, I watched a lot of celebrity stuff. Which allowed me to find out that Sandra Bullock has a new movie coming out. The movie's premise made me laugh because it's been done about a zillion times, you know, stuff about reliving the same day. The movie is called Premonition, and I'm not going to say I have a premonition about how crappy this movie is going to be because that is such an obvious joke to make. I guess I just did. Oh well.

Secondly. I feel like my mind is hallucinating, like I took acid and I'm seeing machete wielding tyrannasaurus rexes who are wearing bandanas and sporting gnarly tattoos, because I can't believe what I'm seeing on tv. Is that show about Hugh Hefner's girlfriends for real (it's called The Girls Next Door)? I don't get it. Is that show a joke, or a parody of a parody, because it's as ridiculous, boring, and as insanely stupid as anything I've ever seen. Yet, somehow all those things combine to make it a great, captivating show! And I'm a huge fan of Kendra, the sporty chick... But seriously, I can't figure out if that show is made by left wing anti-capitalists who are trying to show us the perils of our consumer/sex obsessed society... because you couldn't make a better argument against the pitfalls of capitalism than you could with that show. I feel like behind the show's facade is a thick layer of irony... I bet it's produced by Noam Chomsky.

And the thought of Hef banging all those 20 something foxes, there is something so icky and twisted about that. Well, he's from Chicago, so his show gets a pass in my book, but just barely.

The Hef show is almost as ridiculous as that Flavor Flav show I saw a while back. But Flavor Flav is slightly more hilarious, and he gave out giant clocks. Giant clocks are always awesome and that's what made Flav's show a smashing success in my eyes. And I also learned that money buys love from that show. Which is a good thing to know, and it's a rule that Hef's show certainly reinforced.

Unfortunately, in all my tv viewing, I didn't catch any news on Paris Hilton. I love Paris. She is a true guilty pleasure for me. And I have a feeling she goes home at night and studies St. Augustine or something spiritual and intellectual like that. She is deeper than we think. You know what, I bet she also reads Noam Chomsky at night and she's the producer/force behind the anti-capitalistic Hefner show. It all makes sense.

I also saw a movie called Layer Cake featuring Daniel Craig. Actually I only saw the second half of the movie, and I had no freakin' clue what was going on. One guy gets his head chopped off which is then put in a freezer box, I have no clue why they chopped his head off, probably running his mouth off or something. Maybe he was a rat. Rats deserve to have their heads put in ice boxes. Which reminds me I need to get one of those Don't Snitch t-shirts.

Anyways. I was surprised when some random guy randomnly and much to my chagrin gets a bullet between the eyes. Which was sad but I didn't have the time to mourn the loss of this random character, because all of a sudden Craig is about to have sex with a nice looking blonde, which refocuses my attention away from guy with bullet in head to hot steamy sex with foxy blonde. But the idiot director decides to cut this sex scene short because Craig gets kidnapped by a bunch of random spoilsports (probably jealous of Craig being with the foxy blonde I assume) and then some old guy offers Craig money for drugs but you know the old guy is gonna screw him so then lots of people get shot and I have no clue what this movie was about. And the SWAT team is in cahoots with the bad guys which is great I guess.

I may have mixed up facts and sequences of the movie. But all I know is that the violence was certainly wonderful and executed at a very high level of sadisticness. But the sex wasn't nearly enough, specially considering the one sex scene I saw was interrupted by that stupid kidnapping. And sex counts in my book.

I'm never going to let my kids watch tv. Well, I'll let them, but only if they watch with wry smiles on their faces.