Sunday, December 10, 2006

More on My Dog's Problem, Plus I'm Worried My Dog Is a Hippie. Please Note: This Post Is Rambling and Incoherent, Yay!!!


Haha! Look at him, he likes funny sleeping positions! Anyways, could this cute little dog actually be...



A Reincarnated Hippie?! Please God, Don't Let It Be So!

Some of you are very right in your guesses about the dog problem. I still can't find the words to write about it, but I will now euphemistically refer to the problem as an 'eating disorder.' I cried myself to sleep last night, and around 4 am I woke up from a dream where my dog kept committing his sinful act. I screamed myself awake from that godawful dream, yelling, 'No, no Rambo, don't eat thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttt........'

Now some of you must be demented, twisted, porno-loving sadists, because you immediately thought the problem must have been leg humping. Shame on you, sex is the first thing that comes to your mind, I mean, are you guys like sex freaks or something!!! Some people think the root of all problems is something sexual, well you know what, it ain't. Sex is not the be all end all in life, well, no, I guess once you think about it it kinda is... Maybe that's debatable, who knows... I say we smoke lots of marijuana and then engage in a debate on this subject.

Let me quickly jump into another topic, although it's still related to my dog: I'm worried that my dog might actually in fact be a reincarnation of some hippie dude from the '60s, some Kerouac Ginsberg Kesey worshipping acid taking group orgy sex maniac beatnik who couldn't walk straight even if you said you'd give him $500 to do it because he was so high on a cocktail of drugs he forgot that when you're not stoned carpets don't move like a wave and look like coral reefs and light particles don't split into individual beams that harness a message from God. And no, this belief that my dog might in fact be a hippie is not a flight of fancy, it's a flight of cold stark realism mixed in with a variety of acid flashbacks and hunger pangs because I NEED chocolate!

Anyways, all I can say is this, I'm thankful my dog's problem is not a leg humping problem. So I guess things can always be worse, right, I mean, leg humping is one of the most ungodly, disloyal, treacherous, sexually deviant acts known to man. Seriously, if there's one thing I will never put up with, it's leg humping. Should be written in the Constitution, no leg humping allowed in this COUNTRY!

I did consider shipping Rambo off to Iraq so he could grow up and gain a little maturity, I thought if he joined the Army he might learn some godamn discipline and maybe the Army'd help him overcome his most evil, terrible, hideous, disgusting 'eating disorder.'

14 comments:

Bice said...

So you're dog eats dookey. Every dog would if you let them. For God's sake Seb if they aren't lickinng the arce they're licking their bait and tackle. You really can't be surprised by this behavior are you?

Sure it's gross but... news flash... it's a dog. Birds gotta fly, fish gotta swim. Dogs gotta lick.

taarzaan said...

Oh, dear......does he have access to a litterbox that he's....I can't type it.
And you are right--I'm a dirty dirty boy---check out my photoblog for the "art nudes" I did as a photographer---someone should put my eyes out or something.......nah, I have a better idea---make them VERY VERY RED for me, and we'll have that debate. I was there in the 60's (in diapers, but paying attention)--I'd LOVE to see some of those guys again--I miss them so much, except for during the flashbacks when they visit. They always bring gifts--things cost less in the past. Except for computers. and stuff like that. And possession of weed is like a capital offense. And there's more racism, sexism, the word "gay" still means happy, the "n" word is used in polite company, you can't say "bitch" on tv or anything. On second thought, fuck the past. I'm GLAD it's gone. Stupid past. If I see it again, I'll give it what for. See if I don't.
Kidding!
Not really.....or am I? I don't know anymore......[sob]

Jayne said...

This is normal behavior... to a point. Here's an article you might find interesting: http://www.veterinarypartner.com/Content.plx?P=A&C=106&A=1613&S=0

Babybull40 said...

well Sebastion,I'm not entirely pleased that I guessed it right.. Rambo will eat, lick and then lick some more.. I will be optimistic and say he will get over eating doo doo.. He's a puppy..if worse comes to worse then ship him off to the army.. it will open his eyes and they keep him so busy that he won't have time to eat dirt never mind doo doo...and you are right, leg humping is sexual deviant behavior.. but again he's a dog.. they tend to do these things...that is why I own cats.. they sleep, lick and eat(not poo) and lick and run around acting all crazy like.. so good luck...and keep us posted about this odd dilemma...

Babybull40 said...

Thought you might like to know my brothers dog is being put down this week.. if you check out his blog you can read more about her.. such a great dog.. and I have a tribute to her as well..

Sebastien said...

Bice: Yes, I know, but I'm a prude! I can't deal with reality!!! Ahhhhhh...

Taarzaan: Haha, we need to take LSD and revisit the past!!!

Jayne: Thank you, it's so hard to read with all these tears in my eyes...

Babybull40: I think Rambo will get over it, we must remain optimistic! Cats, are a much safer bet... I'm very sorry for your brother's dog, that is such a difficult experience, these wonderful creatures are like family members.

MrManuel said...

Yeah, puppies sometimes have that eating poop problem. They usually grow out of it though. Have faith.

Mr. Fabulous said...

Who among us has not eaten a little dookey?

I like mine with fries.

Mariana said...

Is your dog sniffing your slippers to get high? That could be the source of the problem right there.

WAT said...

Oh boy. Well, doggy poo is okay. In fact, all animal poo is fine. It's human poo that is gross.

Martyn said...

My dog is definitely punk rock. He's got a lot of unresolved anger issues.

Shaymus O'flatulence's Blog said...

Did you know that you can get a plastic coke bottle and tip in some liquid beef stock and about 20 or so little doggy bickies and screw the lid on and give it to the dog....its a fun game for them to get them out once they work out what the game is!!

Sonja said...

I was humped by a German Shepherd when I was about 9 years old. I was sitting on one of those old-fashioned beanbag chairs, and all of a sudden the dog just climbed on top of me. I knew about the birds and the bees by then and I was somewhat put off by this...I would rather have seen him eat poo!!!

Sebastien said...

Mrmanuel: Keeping the faith...

Mr. Fab: Thanks Mr. Fab, sometimes I forget poo is not a bad sidedish.

WAT: Haha, I dunno, animal poo is still a little gross.

Martyn: Oh, punk rock is never a bad thing! Well, depends on how much he's costing you in damages...

Shaymus: Haha, that sounds like a crazy game, reminds me of playing baseball with coke cans.

Sonja: Oh man, that is a traumatizing experience!!! I hope every time you see a German Shepherd you don't get cold stabs of fear in your heart!