Saturday, October 21, 2006

A New Version of Hamlet (Extremely Violent and Modernized), Ghost Pictures, and My Personal Experiences with Ghosts and Monsters

This movie needs to be made, maybe directed by Quentin Tarantino, that would be nice.

I stumbled across this page that has the top ten best ghost photographs, EVER! I'm finally vindicated! I was at that dinner party a while back, telling everybody about the monsters and ghosts that live in my closet. My closet houses a variety of monsters, there are those with googly eyes, jello heads, ghastly hammerhead shark teeth, then there are those with samurai sword arms and drugged out junky bodies who ask me for a dollar, there's also a rubik's cube monster who slobbers all over my pillow when I'm out of my room, not to mention the chocolate frosted covered mini-zombie rabbit army that hides under my bed (this is why I don't sleep well). Those stupid chocolate rabbit mini-zombies are waging war against the Chuck Norris wannabe milk carton monsters who when not fighting, or pillaging my fridge, play their insanity inducing harmonicas. I know, I know, how do I protect myself you ask. Well, I'll tell you, in case you have similar problems, but only because I'm feeling extremely charitable. I've found that if I stuff baby carrots and mashed potatoes under my mattress, a magical shield is created around my bed, a shield so powerful that not even these psychotic monsters can do me any harm.

Anyways, pardon my loquaciousness. Back to the dinner party. Suffice it to say, the dinner guests ridiculed me beyond belief, telling me, "Oh Sebastien, you are insane, monsters and ghosts aren't real. The doctors must have injected you with a big dose of crazy when you were born." So infuriated was I that I broke out into tears of righteous anger. I just hate it when you KNOW you are right, and everybody else is so dumb and wrong. Freakin' herd mentality.

You better respect ghosts and monsters, they are FOR real, not fake, and if you don't give them some respect, they will mess you up. Those mean bastard ghosts actually worked with the CIA in developing the wicked torture methods that we use today. Those ghosts have very twisted minds.

Wow! I didn't mean to write this story, just sort of happened. I'm not doing drugs, I promise!


Anonymous said...

Don't worry, I won't doubt you. Mainly because I'm too afraid to. ;)

Jayne d'Arcy said...

I love it! Great story. It's fun to write when your imagination just goes wild.

Sebastien Millon said...

Nicole: Great! I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks I'm sane.

Jayne: Thank you!!! Yeah, you are so right, it's surprising what one comes up with, and somehow it's therapeutic.

M said...

The monsters in MY room like to sneak up on me, creeping nearer and nearer, ever so slowly and silently, their diabolical grinning faces licking their sharp, sharp teeth, ready to eat me... and then the minute I open my eyes they disappear back into the darkness, the sneaky bastards. So, fairly harmless, come to think about it.

Sebastien Millon said...

Babs: Haha, I am a little crazy. You are so lucky that those cockroaches fight for you. I need to brainwash the chocolate frosted covered mini-zombie rabbit army so that they will fight for me!

Mariana: That sounds harmless, but completely disconcerting. You should think about using that shield I mentioned, so that they won't get too close.

Maritza said...

That's a great story but I think the baby carrots and mashed potatoes under your pillow will only invite cucarachas. I would rather have a house full of ghostesses than roachesses.

Sebastien Millon said...

Thanks Maritza! Yes, you make a very astute point. I didn't mention the mind control device I've been working on, specifically tailored to hijacking and brainwashing cockroaches. If I can harness their power I might be able to use them against the monsters. I need to talk to Babs about it, she seems to be in control of a cockroach army back where she lives.

Anonymous said...

There are plenty of real monster without or imagination providing us with more.

Are you certain you are not on drugs? Even with your "illness?

I will be posting a personal ghost story sometime this month. I hope you enjoy it!

Anonymous said...

hey, I watched NightStalker tonight. well filmed I though...the story was a bit light though...Have you seen it?

Unknown said...

Monsters are real to those that weild them.

Good post and good trailer.

Sebastien Millon said...

Axe: I look forward to the ghost stories! I'm pretty sure I'm not on drugs, but from everything I've heard I should jump on the band wagon, they sound pretty great. Actually, my 'illness' is only a figment of my imagination, spurred on by the massive amounts of LSD I consume at breakfast every morning!

Shaymus: I've never seen Nightstalker, but with a name like that I'm sure it's great. Like I judge all books by their covers, I do the same for movies, well by that I mean I judge movies by their titles. This one sounds like a classic, as long as it contains the massive doses of senseless violence and gore that we would all expect from such a title.

Omninaif: Thanks! Yes, I'm working on my weilding powers and also welding which can come in handy.