Google Searches

This stuff is just too entertaining. I can't resist the lure, I know I shouldn't, it's just too easy...

Plus writing about these weird searches only encourages more crazy searches, haha!

Anyways, here are some of the latest google searches that have led people to this site.

'bike mouvies'- I get way too many of these mouvies searches. Every single person that misspells movies with that extra u ends up here. Ridiculous.

't'- People search this letter and end up here. Gotten a lot of these ones. Makes sense I guess, I did a whole post on the letter X and I can't remember, but I think I talked about the letter T too. Funny thing is, I never get any letter X searches. I guess T is way sexier than the letter X.

'i keep falling out of bed' and also 'cause falling out of bed'- Get rid of the frame, put your mattress on the floor. Voila! I did it for a good long time, it's really quite nice and saves a lot of space.

'WAT THEY EAT DUCKBILL'- That's just psychedelic awesomeness right there.

'calvin humping hobbes'- See, I go through life thinking I'm cognizant of how crazy human beings really are, and then I get a search like this that totally proves me wrong. Thanks, now I gotta reevaluate my whole perspective of humanity.

'alligator under the bed sparky'- Like I said before, just sleep on your mattress, get rid of the bed frame. Alligators love dark enclosed areas. Just like scorpions. Get rid of the places they can hide.

'www. favorit fire breathing dragon sex.com'- Good job! You make the 'calvin humping hobbes' search seem almost normal.

'I am the walrus you like to eat'- Nice.

'big bird and drug commercial'- I was so interested I tried looking this up to see if I could find if such a thing existed. No luck. We all know Big Bird is a big fat stoner.

'I think things are happening but not sure'- Something is happening. You are insane. Sorry, I never like being the bearer of bad news.

'i keep thinking of weird sick things'- Congrats! You're either an artist or a serial killer.

'duckbill platypus chicago'- The platypuses have already conquered Chicago!? We're so screwed. Hope my friends made it out alive.

'fight dogs mouvies'- Too many of these...

'what are the physical aspects of an ourang outang'- They're like platypuses, only worse.

'do german shepherds feel cool'- They do. And they don't even need shades to be cool.

'how to get $500,000,000'- Steal it. Duh.

Google Searches

Sadly, I have neglected the topic of google searches that lead to this blog. The wait ends now, I will create a journal entry out of some of the google searches that have led to my blog. The google searches are in italics AND bold...

Sebastien's Journal Entry

I saw a Simpsons' episode where they reenact 'The Shining.' Seeing that episode made me wonder if there is an episode where Spongebob does the Shining. I check Nickolodeon for Spongebob, but something else is on, a show on cats, I am displeased to say the least, if I want to see cats I might as well go waste my time on cats are cool!.com.

I change channels and see that a Duckbill Platypus movie is playing on cinemax. It is overly violent for my taste. Turning off the tv, I grab a book filled with pictures of daffy duck playing basketball, and can't help wondering if there is any way Daffy could beat the great white sharks basketball team. The sharks are an imposing team, what with their uniform that consists of dead taxidermied snakes, and their chant of "i lost my eye." The uniform and chant always strikes fear in the heart of opponents. Why, just the other day the sharks were about to play a b-ball game when their cowering opponents realized victory against these demonic sharks was impossible. In their fear the opponents yelled out,"Invisible things keep biting me!" They were quickly whisked away to the mental hospital, and in doing so ingeniously avoided a basketball match against the frightening sharks.

Meanwhile, the sharks were now left with free time on their hands. They decided to do a round table discussion on the literary merits of writers like Andre Gide and Edgar Allan Poe Sebastien. It was riveting and made for great television.

I forgot to tell you guys, it has recently been discovered that Poe had changed his name and added Sebastien to the end, it turns out Sebastien was his great inspiration and muse. Who knew? I have to admit, I'm the one who taught Poe how to paint bird feathers, and I also remember the time Poe asked me, what is journal entry? Yeah, I taught Poe everything he learned, even grammar skills...

Now, I'm sure many of you esteem Edgar Allan Poe, but truth be told, he was kind of annoying. For instance, he always whiningly asked me if he could borrow my laptop just so he could watch what he euphemistically referred to as 'videos chistosos de sexo.' I even saw him use my computer to google search things like 'fascist kitties' and 'real scary shit.' Let's just say Poe owes much to the internet for helping him find fantastic ideas. For example, you know that story of his, 'The Black Cat'? Well, Poe found all his material for that story by google searching 'felins not eating,' 'cruel thinking in the mind. How to overcome,' 'Edgar Allan Poe psychological aspects,' and 'pyschotic visions.' That's it, that's how the man created his stories!

Poe's final short story was called, 'I'm Still Thinking About You in French,' and as Poe tried to explain to me, the story was mainly about cool things on Allen Iverson. Let's just say I had to heavily edit that one, turning it from a simple laudatory story on the merits of Allen Iverson into a chilling tale of horror and suspense. The reworked story involves a scorpion painting, where the creature from the painting comes to life to haunt the main character. The drama involves the main character losing his glasses, and now, unable to see this terrible scorpion, he yells out with terror, "IM NEARLY BLIND WITHOUT MY GLASSES!" But don't worry, the story ends well, the scorpion died before he hurt anyone.

Ban the Letter X. Search the Letter T.

Saudi Arabia is planning on banning the letter 'X'.

Here's what I have to say:

'Great!'

If I had to choose a letter that has caused me more problems than any other, without a doubt it would be the letter X. It has lowered my quality of life by a measurable 10%. Think about it, if each letter was this destructive, we'd have like a minus 3,000000000000000000000000000% quality of life, and that's not very good. It'd be like living in a cave under the ocean with no light and meager amounts of food... I wonder what kind of GDP we'd manage in such an environment, I doubt we could afford decent infrastructure... Wow, there would be serious challenges to overcome.

The problem with tackling the issue of evil letters and their destructiveness, and particularly the destructiveness of the letter X, is that few among us are gifted with heightened sensibilities in the area of evil letter recognition. I'm blessed though, the letters of the alphabet reveal their secrets and their qualities to me, I'm like, what do you call it, a witch doctor? How bout a letter doctor? How bout super duper awesome!

Hey, guess what? Even Marvin the Squirrel is enthused about the Saudi's impending decision to nix the letter X. Wait a sec, Marvin is saying something to me... He's saying he thought it was funny that someone had google searched the letter T and miraculously arrived at my blog. What! Come on Marvin, this has nothing to do with anything! It's not worth mentioning, but Marvin keeps telling me how funny and weird this search is and how I should talk about it. He's so pushy.

First off, Marvin says I should be thankful that this google searcher hadn't searched the letter X and arrived at my blog. He says that if that had been the case, my blog would have to be considered evil, and in turn, I, the writer of this blog, would be supremely evil. Not necessarily a bad thing mind you, but it's also good not being supremely evil. I think being mildly evil is better, it's more low key and sneaky.

Back to Marvin. See, the thing that is really bothering Marvin is that he can't figure out why someone would search for the letter T, unless they accidently hit the t letter on the keyboard and then accidently pressed enter. But then why would they click on any of the links that appeared if this wasn't their intended search... Marvin is baffled. Frankly I could care less...

Working at the Factory. Plus Words and Phrases to Encourage Crazy Google Searches

The summer of 2001, that was a summer I'll always remember. It was the summer I worked in a factory making tail lights for cars like the Kangoo (seriously, I'd be embarrassed if I drove a car with that kind of name!), Range Rover, and Toyotas. It actually wasn't so bad. Now that I think about it, it was a lot like this...


I'm including the draft, kind of fun to compare pre and post photoshop I think. It's a busy scene, maybe too much, can't really distinguish one thing from another, but who cares!

Anyways, as you might guess, I've been feeling better the past couple days, since I'm able to do this stuff! The art I usually make (when I'm healthy) is sooo different, I paint from life, very detailed, realistic, all that jazz, I won't get into it for now because it's hard talking about something you can't do. All in due time, I'm just happy to be making something!

Words and phrases to encourage more crazy google searches:

• tyrannosaurus rex rapping about his mercedes benz
• mouse eating godzilla
• if a dinosaur watched porn, what kind of porn would he be into
• are politicians as evil as duckbill platypuses?
• a pomeranian (circus dog) tried to kill me
  
• does jesus like sauerkraut
• is steven segal stronger than sauerkraut
• how to steal a painting
• how to steal a car
• how to steal a chair
• guns are good for you
• rocket launchers should be legalized
• people getting high with their rocket launchers should be legalized
• we should legalize dangerous things
• basketball is the essence of life
• this lightbulb is the essence of life
• my carpet is the essence of life
• my mailbox exploded in my face
• should i name my dog 'pieceofpaper'
• should i name my dog 'lampontable'
• should i name my dog 'oldladydrivingacadillac'
• i ate all the medicine is that bad
• the scanner ate my face
  

I Can't Help Myself! Google Searches...

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GOOGLE SEARCHES!

More on the wacky interesting ways people get to this site (sorry this just fascinates me, I'm like a cat with a ball of yarn, or maybe I should say, a cat on a bicycle...).

Searches include:

"what if Jesus said i have a headach"- That's not in the Bible?

"Bike Painting Scorpions"- I've never met a scorpion that couldn't paint. I also never thought of doing google searches while stoned, maybe this is the kind of stuff you think of?

"Can You Tell Me About the Duckbill Platypus"- Unfortunately these searches are becoming all too common, I think it's the main way people are finding me. Well, at least they will be fairly warned about the evilness of the duckbill platypus.

"duckbill platypus sting"- For real? I thought they were pretty harmless, after some serious research, I have learned that these creatures deliver a powerful sting, so powerful you won't be able to move your limbs for several days! Wow, the duckbill platypus just got bumped up a couple spots on my 'To Fear' list.

"duckbill platypus youtube fly"- Not sure what this means, although it implies the duckbill platypus has learned how to fly. We are all in big trouble if that is the case.

"sick cartoon bears"- I like cartoons, I like bears, not sure if I like sickness though...

"cat jumping on a bike"- The question is, can they pop a wheelie? Animals and bikes...seems to be a common theme on this blog? Well, I've realized I talk a lot about animals, and that's why I get these searches, I think.

"acupuncture fire steven segal"- Is that his new movie?

"think of the words to say i'd like to think that"- My method of google searches is generally a little more concise and to the point than this person's... Sebastien says, check the thesaurus.

"awesome house party Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends cheat code"- Ever since I posted that clip from the Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends show, I've been getting tons of searches for this cheat code. Must be pretty special.

The damnedest thing is, now that I've written this, I'm only going to engender a slew of similar searches. Akin to the famed snowball effect...

Firefox Is Frustrating Me, Blogger Is Frustrating Me, But Google Searches Make Me Happy

I'll start this off with something fun (that of course, is very subjective!). Google searches of how people get to your site, they can be pretty funny. Naturally, I get a lot of people searching 'chronically sick,' and all that jazz.

Well, I've started getting some different ones lately:

• 'what does a dead leave look like on the big fat awsome house party on fosters home for imagenary friends' : The answer is I have no freakin' clue. And why or how you came to my site looking for the answer to this, it's completely baffling, but quite marvelous I suppose.
• 'violent mouvies' : Well, I do talk about violent movies a lot. Maybe the demographic of my readers is extremely young and they can't spell???
• 'meow mis meow mix. i want meow mix' : Another spelling error, but I have to credit the searcher for their passion for meow mix. Can't fault anyone for loving the meow mix.
• 'rotting body photoshop tutorial' : I felt guilty for this one, why haven't I done a post explaining how to do this. How else can you make effective zombies?
• 'pictures of baby duckbill platypus' : I feel bad for this. This person WAS probably a duckbill platypus lover, and visiting my site probably crushed all their sweet illusions. I hope that person wasn't too disheartened when they found out how terrible and nefarious a creature the platypus truly is. The truth ain't always pretty.
• 'weird sex pictures' : I think that was the first sex search that I've had. I don't think I've posted any weird sex pictures, I really don't think I have.

Firefox and Blogger: I Pray For Your Sake That You Start Cooperating

Oh Firefox, why must you anger me so. You don't want to open, you freeze up and don't let me post comments, or maybe that part is blogger's fault. I don't freakin know. It's so hard to tell what's wrong in the computer universe. I'm not a computer expert, but I'll tell you what I'm gonna do if this chicanery continues...

My lovely next door neighbor has a double barrelled shotgun, and since I've been watching lots of sadistic violent movies lately, I probably can figure out how to use it. Firefox, and you too blogger, you are both going to be staring down the barrel of the shotgun, and you better pray that you start working, because if you don't, your guts are going to be plastered along the wall behind my desk, in a nice modern art Jackson Pollock sort of way. Toodaloo, I'm off to the neighbors!

Actual picture of a FIREFOX(Red Panda)! I want one so bad!