A French Toast Story.

I really want to eat some french toast right now. I don't know why, but I really do.

Let me tell you a story.

Many years ago, in a land far far away where magical fairies roamed the city streets with their huge machetes and giant monster rats torpedoed their way down back alleys, I lived in an apartment building with several roommates. As it happened, one of my roommates was German.

One day my German roommate was cooking something in the kitchen. This something smelled good.

My curiosity was piqued, so I strolled into the kitchen to examine his culinary concoctions. What I saw at that moment was the most incredible vision, something so amazing I thought I was going to die and go to heaven (or hell, unfortunately my whole heaven/hell situation is still up in the air).

What I saw was magnificent, dazzling, beyond reproach...

What I saw was...

French toast.

Up to that point I had never eaten french toast, let alone seen a french toast. Frankly, I thought french toast was the great American myth, created so Americans would have some sort of reason to like us French people.

You see, I had never eaten french toast in France. I hadn't even ever heard a French person mention french toast. Maybe 'le french toast' was part of some unspoken secret that French people all knew of but never talked about. Maybe it worked like this, maybe when you were born in France you were born with an instant knowledge of french toast and how to make it, a magical knowledge you had from birth due to your being born on French soil. And maybe there was some unwritten code, some law, that said that if you ever talked about french toast you would be guillotined.

And the reason why I, a French citizen, didn't have this french toast knowledge? I was born in Belgium.

So, is all this possible? Of course.

Unlikely? Indubitably.

In the end, my German roommate showed me how to make this magical bread. And yes, I know there is sweet sweet irony in this, a German kid teaching a French kid how to make something called french toast!

Later, after I had tasted the heaven that is french toast, I became extremely angry. A question kept gnawing at my soul, fueling my anger... Why, why oh why had we never eaten french toast during my childhood? We were French for godsakes, we ate croissants, reblochon, camembert, pont l'eveque, crepes, you get the point, except we never ate the one thing that truly mattered, french toast.

Little did I know the answers to all my questions would change me forever and force me to reevaluate everything I stood for, my moral code, my philosophical underpinnings, everything...

So came the day where I was to face my mother and find out the truth. It started off badly, I accused my mother of terrible things, telling her she had ruined my childhood.

And then...

Then I learned the real reason why I had a childhood sans french toast.

My mother told me everything...

French toast wasn't chic. It wasn't hip. It wasn't even semi-cool. The reality was that throughout French history french toast had been a last resort for the poorest of the poor. You ate french toast if you were starving and suffering through famine. And, most surprising of all, french toast isn't called 'french toast' in France! It's called 'pain perdu.' Lost bread...

So, this 'pain perdu,' it was made with bread that was old and stale, bread too hard to be eaten, but with the mix of eggs and milk, it became soft and edible. It was very calorific, especially if you had nothing else to eat.

So that's it. All my illusions were destroyed. If I couldn't believe in the immaculate greatness of french toast anymore, what could I believe in?

But all that being said, french toast is still the best food on earth, well, not quite, but it comes a close second to chocolate...

I'm Gonna Make Millions...

I was going to write something serious today, and then I realized I didn't feel like being serious.

So, Rambo was playing with this box and he got stuck in it. Then he was kind enough to sit and let me take a couple pictures of him. He doesn't even look annoyed. He looks quite comfortable. We are going to make millions with this new fashion discovery. I was feeling so inspired I came up with a great name for this new fashion: 'Box Fashion Awesomeness.'

I know, I know, it's pure genius...

In celebration lets smoke tons of opium and dream of magical tooth mice playing guitars and singing about how the meaning of life is getting to sit on top of a moving car and eating a pancake with blueberries and drinking an orange mocha frappucino all the while being chased by the Russian mafia who are trying to gun you down for your pancake and pancreas. They are shooting at you with rocket launchers and also throw into this chase a couple of Apache helicopters that are gunning for you with their double-mounted machine guns firing hundreds of rounds per second of 8mm bullets.

I know what you're wondering. Who the hell is driving the car you are sitting on top of and is there any syrup on the pancake? The answers are a termite and yes.

I have no clue what I just wrote.

N.B. All haute couture in these images was created by me (and yes I have this patented and copyright protection so don't even think about stealing my fashion idea)

More Drawing.

Oh, so nice. Been having some good days health-wise! Shoot, saying that will totally jinx me right? Shit, I mean, I mean, I feel like suuuuuch shit!

So, this is another little drawing I just finished. Yes, these are very simple, and I know these drawings are all slightly twisted, haha, I guess that's the point! This one is called, 'Girl with Cat and Their Friend Eyeball.'

Wolfie.

Here's a little drawing I just made. Simple, but hey, I was able to do something, so that's way cool.

Tis a bit gory. But I hope it's still sweet in some weird way.

Wolfie wishes everyone a happy weekend!

Help Safeguard the Web for Children

I've been tagged by my buddy, Saboma, who makes her home over at Maryannaville.

So, this post is about spreading the word to help make adult-content sites more difficult for children to access. It's not an anti-porn crusade (I know all you LA city dwellers are breathing a sigh of relief at that, haha). This campaign is about making pornography more difficult for children to access. Here's the basic message, not written by me:

"Please require a password-protected login before allowing even free access to explicit adult content. We understand that selling porn is your business and we respect your right to make a legal living. But understand our legitimate concerns and work with us. You already have the “warning adult content” on your websites. Yet kids, who are not legal customers of your product, ignore the warning. So to prevent them from having direct access to explicit images, texts and sounds, the simplest way is to have a password-protected login. No more “free tours” before a visitor supplies basic information."

Feel free to spread the word on your own site. For more information, check out Blogger Power's website. They have a lot of interesting and pertinent information on this subject.

Will the US Invade Another Oil Rich Country?

Hopefully not. Instead of attacking countries with oil, I think the US should attack countries that have lots of chocolate. But hey, that's just my opinion, what's yours?

Should the US attack countries for their choclate?
	Yes, US citizens need more chocolate, not more oil.
	No, US citizens are fat enough as it is.
	Just keep attacking countries with oil, ok.
	What's chocolate?
	What's oil?
pollcode.com free polls

Door Quotes.

We all go through hard times in life. Life wouldn't be life without its struggles.

A while back I found some quotes that I really liked. I wrote them on some notecards and taped them to my door. I've written about these quotes before, but I wanted to share them again. I know some of you are going through your own difficult times, so, who knows, maybe these quotes will resonate with you and give you an extra bit of courage and strength!

These quotes have really helped me through my own struggle with illness.

Best to all of you. And I know this is a bit hokey, but you gotta find inspiration where you can!

By the way, please feel free to share quotes that have meaning for you.

Meme Time

First off, I am so sore today! I didn't realize camera tossing would kick the crap out of my body so badly, haha. Goes to show how little exercise I'm able to get. I miss exercise...

Anyways.

I've been tagged by Lauren, she created her own little meme and it's quite fun so here goes...

What was your favorite toy growing up? Little toy cars. I was in love with those cars. I remember doing all sorts of stuff with them, like death matches, hard to explain, but really, really fun at the time.

What was the first curse-word you remember learning? Merde or mierda. I can't quite remember.

When did you learn there wasn't a Santa Claus? Don't know how old I was, but my best friend told me there wasn't a Santa, said his parents had told him. I was incredulous and willing to bet my net worth ($5) that it wasn't so... Alas, I finally got confirmation from my parents that my friend was telling the truth. The terror and horror I felt from this revelation escalated when I then put 2 and 2 together, and realized no Santa also meant there was no Easter bunny and no tooth mouse/fairy (in France it's a mouse who brings you stuff, kinda freaked me out at the time)... and by this logic I also decided there was no God.

My views may have since changed... because I swear I saw the tooth mouse just the other day, I thought I saw him under my bed gnawing on an old piece of cheese.

Hey, crazy tooth mouse, that's MY cheese!

Did you have any pets when you were a kid? A German Shepherd. Always had a German Shepherd, love those creatures.

Where did the monster in your bedroom live? Fortunately I had a monsterless childhood. Unfortunately, it has only been in the past year or two that monsters have moved into my closet. They slobber all over my clothes and use my art supplies to paint weird psychedelic things. I guess they're alright, for monsters anyways.

I tag anyone who wants to do this!

What Happens If You Throw Your Camera In the Air?

People will assume you're really dumb.

...

My pics weren't as exciting as I would've liked. Maybe some of you are willing to try this and will get some cool shots with your cameras.

I just threw the camera in the air and took a picture, just gotta set the timer. I messed around with my camera's settings, but it was difficult getting interesting shots. My camera doesn't let me change some settings, which is a bit frustrating, but whatever, it's still stupidly fun.

The last picture is just a regular shot of my doggy.

I'm going to try and do some more of these, maybe try and get some landscapes/skyscapes. Be fun to do this in a parking lot with lots of cars, probably have to throw your camera pretty high to get a cool shot. Or I could stand on the roof of someone's jeep and throw my camera up, wouldn't need to throw it as high. You need good hands, because if you miss the catch, the camera is done for. Probably better to risk a shitty camera, but I don't exactly have spare cameras lying around...

And yes, this is pretty stupid, but hey, at least I felt well enough to be stupid! Haha...

In other news: I had some results from my blood tests that had my doctor worried, and I was pretty freaked to say the least. But we did some follow-up tests and everything is cool. HOORAY!

Google Searches

This stuff is just too entertaining. I can't resist the lure, I know I shouldn't, it's just too easy...

Plus writing about these weird searches only encourages more crazy searches, haha!

Anyways, here are some of the latest google searches that have led people to this site.

'bike mouvies'- I get way too many of these mouvies searches. Every single person that misspells movies with that extra u ends up here. Ridiculous.

't'- People search this letter and end up here. Gotten a lot of these ones. Makes sense I guess, I did a whole post on the letter X and I can't remember, but I think I talked about the letter T too. Funny thing is, I never get any letter X searches. I guess T is way sexier than the letter X.

'i keep falling out of bed' and also 'cause falling out of bed'- Get rid of the frame, put your mattress on the floor. Voila! I did it for a good long time, it's really quite nice and saves a lot of space.

'WAT THEY EAT DUCKBILL'- That's just psychedelic awesomeness right there.

'calvin humping hobbes'- See, I go through life thinking I'm cognizant of how crazy human beings really are, and then I get a search like this that totally proves me wrong. Thanks, now I gotta reevaluate my whole perspective of humanity.

'alligator under the bed sparky'- Like I said before, just sleep on your mattress, get rid of the bed frame. Alligators love dark enclosed areas. Just like scorpions. Get rid of the places they can hide.

'www. favorit fire breathing dragon sex.com'- Good job! You make the 'calvin humping hobbes' search seem almost normal.

'I am the walrus you like to eat'- Nice.

'big bird and drug commercial'- I was so interested I tried looking this up to see if I could find if such a thing existed. No luck. We all know Big Bird is a big fat stoner.

'I think things are happening but not sure'- Something is happening. You are insane. Sorry, I never like being the bearer of bad news.

'i keep thinking of weird sick things'- Congrats! You're either an artist or a serial killer.

'duckbill platypus chicago'- The platypuses have already conquered Chicago!? We're so screwed. Hope my friends made it out alive.

'fight dogs mouvies'- Too many of these...

'what are the physical aspects of an ourang outang'- They're like platypuses, only worse.

'do german shepherds feel cool'- They do. And they don't even need shades to be cool.

'how to get $500,000,000'- Steal it. Duh.

Another French Lesson. Personal Stuff.

I gave another French lesson today. We are making good progress. Never thought I'd ever be teaching anybody French. It's great fun, specially teaching someone who is so willing to learn. As you can imagine or already know, teaching someone who isn't motivated is very difficult and definitely beyond my current capabilities.

And I felt pretty good today. I'm really getting better, I mean, it's such tiny increments, filled with ups and downs, still major frustrations at times, but I couldn't have given French lessons a couple months ago. So that's good. I felt really alive today. And there are more and more times where I'm able to get really excited about stuff like I used to when I was healthy.

Anyways. Other stuff... I had some bullshit personal problems lately that were really frustrating, but I decided I'm not putting up with that shit anymore. Frankly, I'm not taking anybody's shit anymore. This is what I've decided.

In that same vein, let me say that I will never ever again let anybody get away with insulting me about my illness. Like, saying I'm faking it or being lazy. That shit is crossing the line, and it's complete disrespect of who I am and all I've ever stood for and negates everything I've gone through with this illness. I was sooooo surprised each time I was insulted about my illness that I couldn't say anything. If I had opened my mouth to retort I would have unleashed a maddening frenzy of insults and threats, and possibly hurt someone, so I tried to keep my jaw locked. But I will be healthy again, and will always remember all the idiots who insulted me. Bitches are gonna get what's coming to them. I mean, I don't use revenge as motivation, mostly I just want to live my life and be happy, but I will never forget how badly I've been insulted. At least I learned who my real friends are.

And I wish I could talk more about the personal stuff but it wouldn't be right, not really fair to the other person. So I leave it at that, utterly vague and confusing.

Alan Parsons Project: Cask of Amontillado

Talk About the Worst Book You've Ever Read...

Today is book bashing day. Not quite the same as the most marvelous of all holidays we all look forward to (that would be book burning day of course). Book bashing day is quite fun even though we don't get to burn nefarious literature. But I have a feeling you are wondering what my favorite book to burn is, so to preempt your question I'll answer right here: nothing, and I mean nothing, beats the joy I feel when I get to burn a copy of the book Fahrenheit 451, it's a wickedly sinful novel written by Ray Bradbury. Burning that book never gets old. It's also Dick Cheney's favorite book to burn. What can you say, Cheney is just awesome like that. (just joking by the way, I love Ray Bradbury, although, I really do love Dick Cheney too, the permanent lip snarl thing he's got going is way sexy)

Anyways. Let's talk about bad books. I'm reading a bad book right now, and while it's not the most horrible of the horrible, I'm finding it to be really annoying and boring. The title is Beatrix and it's written by Balzac. I've been liking a lot of this author's other books, so I wasn't expecting this one to suck so bad... I don't even have the heart to tell you the story, but basically it's a silly love story that's so ridiculously boring you'd barf your brains out...

Other books... Well, I remember reading Moby Dick in highschool, and that was the biggest pain in the ass book. EVER. There were chapters and chapters all about the whale, whale characteristics, whale facts, it was constant, the whale this, the whale that... you know what, screw the whale, I don't give a damn. Please, just stop bashing me over the head with whale facts. Can we get on with the plot and forget about whale anatomy... Seriously, I used to love whales, but now I shudder when I see a whale drawing or picture or hear someone talking about whales all because of that stupid book... Maybe I'd like Melville's book more now, maybe I'd understand the depth of the novel a bit better, but I don't really care, I don't want to punish myself with that book again. Once is enough. Although I do like some of Melville's other stuff...

So what books do you hate? Or just dislike or find ridiculous?

Cool Art...

Just discovered this artist, name is Terry Rodgers. I really like his work. Here's a link to his site. Besides all the attractive women, haha, I love the sets, the theatrical aspect of the paintings, and the way the figures are placed within the paintings. And the lighting and tones are great. Everything seems so glossy... And there are lots of different objects and different materials, fabrics (or lack thereof), it all works really well together. There seems to be so much going on, but it doesn't feel like too much. I'd like to see his work in the flesh to see how it's painted, doesn't seem too tight, but it's hard to tell from photo images.

The work reminds me of the artist Jack Beal, but I don't like Beal all that much, I find his stuff pretty boring and I don't really appreciate the way he paints and I don't like his colors. I guess Beal's work is theatrical, that's why Rodgers reminds me of him.

Pandas.

I just discovered these panda photos. They are a couple years old, but no matter, they are just too fun and I can't resist putting them up. I love the little panda in the bottom row, 4th from the left, I can't tell if he's trying to smile or just make a grotesque face.

I'd love to have a panda, I would leave him out front, he'd be like a guard dog, only bigger. I wonder if the panda would chase cars? More pics here.



I also found the following video over at Stuff on Fire, it has to do with pandas, great vid, I can't resist putting it up either.

Phones. Email. Making it Through the Days. Rambo.

Been a bit MIA lately. I'll explain why in the coming days....

But I'm good.

I have so many emails to write and phone calls to return. It's really quite daunting. I don't know where to start. That's why I don't start. Is that a good reason? No, quite poor, but hey, what can you do... And it sucks, still being sick, not only is talking on the phone tiring for me, but it gets frustrating having to explain my situation to each and every person... But the problem is I really do want to talk everyone, there are lots of people I love and care about and I hope they know I'm thinking of them. I really need to call...

Anyways. The following is both an explanation for you guys, but it's also a help to me, writing this stuff down is good for me.

I'm sure lots of people wonder how I make it though the days, well, let me explain my mentality, which is the backbone of how I make it through this ordeal day in and day out:

One hugely important thing I think about is the fact that I'm still alive and that's some marvelous shit right there. Plus I think of my family and how much I love them and how I am blessed to have them help me through this. I also think about all the pain I've experienced through the past year, and I feel such joy and happiness thinking about how I'm not in pain right now. Really, it's just so ridiculously awesome not being in agonizing pain.

I also remember the improvement I've experienced with this illness. I've always felt I was going to get better, and things are improving and I always remind myself of that. Sure it's a bit slow and it's not progressing in a linear fashion, but improvement is happening.

I also remember the good memories of my life, and how I was blessed in meeting and sharing time with so many wonderful people.

I also think of the fact that I have absolutely no regrets in my life. When I was healthy I never took a day for granted and I lived every day of my life to the best of my abilities. I worked hard, tried to be a good person, and just did my best. And it is a great feeling to have, knowing that when I was healthy I didn't squander the days or waste my opportunities.

And of course I think about all the stuff I'm going to do when I'm better. Working. Projects. Sharing time with friends and family. Playing sports. Experiencing a seven day tequila binge. Learning the meaning of life (actually, I already know it, oddly enough it involves 2 flying elephants, 3 drunk gophers, a turtleneck, and a chocolate factory). I'm going to explore outer space (if I'm on a budget I'll have to consider the LSD route). And I'm going to take kung fu lessons and learn how to run up a wall and do a back flip (that would make for a great party trick).

Plus I focus on the things I'm able to accomplish during the days of my illness, no matter how small and trivial they may be. And, with each passing day, this illness doesn't weaken me, it only strengthens me mentally. I know that if I ever find success in my life, whatever success may be defined by, I know that a huge underlying reason for my success will have been the insight given to me by this illness and the struggle I've had to go through. So, instead of thinking that this illness has stolen my life, I try and think that it has opened my eyes and hopefully will help me in accomplishing my goals.

Finally, I hope this illness will have turned me into a much better person, better suited towards recognizing the needs of others, and more willing to be kind, sympathetic, helpful, and caring to any and everyone, but most especially to those in need or going through hard times.

All that being said... it is pretty tough, there're some rough times, there are moments where my optimism runs dry, but all things considered, life could be so much more terrible.

Oh, I'm gonna post a pic of Rambo (he's beyond awesome, I love him so much)... And yeah, I stuck his villainous toys there with him because I'm silly like that.

Valentine's Day.

Mmmmm, miam, miam... Oh, sorry. I was just chewing on some of these cables that are plugged into the wall. Super tasty. I got a weird buzz from them. Cooooool.

Hope you are all having a happy Valentine's Day! Eat lots of chocolate. Whether you are single or with someone, just enjoy the chocolates. That's what the holiday is about. It's what every holiday should be about. Unfortunately the holiday nazis have decided that we can't turn every holiday into chocolate eating happy day. Whatever, every holiday, hell, every day, should be a chocolate eating happy day.

Do I have anything serious to say? Of course not.

The telephone tried to eat me. It smokes my opium and turns into crazy phone monster... Must. keep. calm. Don't you hate people or objects that do that, they partake in your personal stash of drugs and turn into some crazy loon... At least repay me by being funny, stupid crazy phone...

And yes, I know I need to call people. But phone, you are such a crazy bastard I'm scared of sticking my face near you...

French Lesson. Doctor's Appointment. Cartoon.

So, I'm helping a friend of a friend learn French. Today was the first 'lesson.' We're doing this at my house, which is the only way I can do something like this. The lesson went really well, and this guy I'm helping seems like he's going to learn very fast. He's a musician, so he probably has a very good ear, he seems to have a knack for the pronunciation and all that. Plus we get along really well, so I think it's going to be low stress and fun. I hope my health allows me to have enough energy to follow through with these lessons, we're planning on doing them once a week. It's so great to help someone learn, it's a really nice feeling!

I also had a doctor's appointment today, so I'm pretty tired right now. My doctor is sure I'm going to recover, he just doesn't know when, but he ordered up some more blood tests. He says everything has been moving in the right direction, both my symptoms and the blood work, so that's cool. I guess now that I've been having a lot less pain, well, the main thing that's frustrating are the days where I don't have enough energy to occupy myself. But, you know, that's the way it is, I just gotta rest my body on those days and take what it gives me. Plus I'm developing an opium addiction, which is awesome to say the least. I told my doctor about it and he was so enthusiastic, he said he gets high as a kite right before work, we had a good laugh about that! Anyways, it's really nice getting encouragement from the medical establishment.

Oh...

I just discovered this cartoon. Freakin' hilarious.

http://www.coredp.com/reels/sr_core_toon_reel/display_full.asp?mv=3.mov&nos=7

Another Drawing. Hooray!

This drawing is a variation of the second drawing I put up yesterday. It's a picture of kids and creatures in a spaceship exploring space. The polar bear is flying the ship. He's awesome like that. And don't worry, the perspective is meant to be loopy...

Drawing.

So, I haven't been able to draw much of anything for a while. I wish I could do more intricate stuff, but for now, I can't do anything that's not simple, but I'm happy that I'm able to do anything! Cartoony stuff isn't my usual work, but it's all I can do when I'm able to do.

That said, I have fun doing these drawings! I'd like to put up some of my older work from when I was healthy but it makes me a little too nostalgic.

Hope you've all had a great weekend!

Monsters, carrot murders, drugs, flying pigs, it's all here...

Music

My dad gave me this cd to listen to. The daughter of his friend made this album. Her name is Alison Block, the album is called Money and Sex. I was really surprised. It's damn good if you ask me. Great even. There's a couple of songs up on her site. The title track is super. I highly recommend checking her stuff out.

Other news...

I don't know why. I feel like taking pictures of myself lately. Maybe because I don't look as haggard as I used to and I'm happy about that. So here's another pic. You might be able to tell my nose is crooked. I broke it playing basketball. Twice.

Hey, with all these pictures I've put up you'll probably recognize me if you ever run into me! But please, don't sucker punch me in the nose, like I said, it's already crooked.

Uh, and my room is a mess.

Dance

I love these dance scenes. First vid is Fred Astaire. The second is the Nicholas Brothers. Totally mind blowing...

I Got My Contact

I got me some contacts! Look, look, you can see it in my eye, kinda. Well, my eye is a little red, probably because I haven't worn contacts in a while... Aren't you ridiculously excited about this!

Couple days back was my b-day. I didn't particularly feel like talking about it. Specially this b-day was a little bit bitter for me, I was sorta sad since I felt like I was celebrating the worst year of my life. But thanks to all the well wishers! And I'm sure this year will be a better one for me! And I had a nice day on my b-day, a couple friends took me to dinner and a movie, it was wonderful. But I got soooo tired, and I felt so tired the next day, which sucks, but you know what, I'm gonna get better, I already have improved.

Cool news: Gonna try and tutor a friend to help him learn French. I'm excited... I hope my health is ok so that I don't have to bail out too often on appointments. I really want to do a good job... should be fun.

Drive Through Paris in a Ferrari

This is a classic video of a guy driving a Ferrari (supposedly a Ferrari, although it might be a souped up Mercedes from what I heard) at breakneck speeds through the heart of Paris. This video was shot in the early morning (probably to avoid pedestrians and cops), and the driver runs a ton of red lights and basically does a bunch of awesome illegal stuff. Pretty insane, the driver was some sort of Formula 1 racer, lucky he didn't kill anyone! Camera is mounted on the front of the car and there's no editing. Directed by Claude Lelouch. Title: "C'etait Un Rendezvous"

Rambo and Me.

First off. I'm so behind. Emails, phone calls, blogs... Sorry, I haven't felt so great lately, but I'll be getting on top of all that stuff as soon as possible.

Rambo is sleeping on my bed right now. He's so peaceful... His legs are twitching, I think he's dreaming about chasing murderous terrorist rabbits. Anyhow, the picture below is photo evidence that Rambo and I exist in the same dimension. Don't know what dimension it is, but it's a cool one.

On a sidenote: You might notice I'm wearing glasses in this picture. I prefer contacts, but ever since the new year's incident where I thought my contact went behind my eyeball, well I haven't been able to get a new pair of contacts since...

And, one more fascinating tidbit. I got a haircut a little while back. Leaving the house is still super tiring for me, so I made sure to get my hair cut nice and short so that I don't have to go back for another 6 months.

Tomorrow I'm going to blow your mind even more. I'm going to reveal mind blowing thoughts on door hinges. Then, if you're lucky, I might even write about Latin declensions and the fall of the Roman Empire... You think I'm joking...

Giraffe in Quick Sand.

Buddy of mine sent this video to me. From the show Robot Chicken...

Exxon is Awesome

Exxon sure made lots of money (by the way I didn't read the article, I just read the title and that's the extent of my knowledge! My motto: the less you know, the louder you yell. The more you know, the more silent and contemplative you become... Obviously I opt for the former). Anyways. Exxon made billions and billions in profits. Big surprise, supposedly it's some sort of record.

Those people working at Exxon sure are idiots. If they were smart they would've lied and cheated to make us think they made fewer profits. Their profits look even more ludicrous and sinister when placed in the context of the recently released UN report on global warming. Seriously, if I was in management at Exxon, I'd be like, people, people, we can't let the world know how much we're making. Put your brains together and find a way to fudge the numbers. I mean, let the stockholders know we're making money, but don't let the world find out the truth, don't let them find out we're making something like $76,000 profit per minute. The public will want to kill us if they find out the real numbers...

Seeing a company like Exxon make crazy profits arouses the populist mentality and anger within a whole heck of a lot of people. I can just imagine it, after hearing the news, people gravitating towards their gunracks with a silent anger and the hellbent goal of gunning down an Exxon executive. But you know what, those people at the oil companies are just doing their job, and they are getting PAYED! It's our own fault. We need to change. Everyone should ride a bike. Everyone should get sloppy drunk all the time. And become fruitarians. And become one with nature so you can have existential debates with the squirrels in your yard (just like me). And build bat caves where we would have super bikes that run on water and fight crime and beat the evil duckbill platypuses. See, I'm all about solutions. They always say the haters don't have solutions. Call me a hater, but don't say I don't have solutions. One word for you. MacGyver.

But I still can't believe how stupid those people at Exxon are. Haven't you heard of shady accounting, for godsakes, you work in business, in management, I have to assume you aren't so naive that you don't know how to pull the wool over peoples' eyes (and kick them in the nuts while you're at it). Man oh man, I guess those oil company CEOs really don't care, they do their little 2 year stint, get their $500,000,000 payday, then ladida, it's bing bang screw what happens to the company cuz I got mine and that's what counts. Suckas.

On a side note: I wonder how much meow mix you can buy with $500 million...

Gooblogger. Duckbill Platypus Invasion. And a Painting by Georges de la Tour.

Comments aren't working. I'm sure the gooblogger people are getting on this. Anyways, stuff to talk about... hmmm... I could talk about political blunders (Joe Biden)? Nah, it's just too easy...

There are so many things to talk about and I can't narrow it down. I just can't. Since people can't comment, I guess I can just write some crazy ass rant or remark and not worry about repercussions, something like this maybe:

"The duckbill platypuses (platypi?) have landed in Phoenix and are in the midst of taking over our fine city. Their huge arsenal of candy weaponry is diabolically sinister, and includes machetes of the dark chocolate variety (70% cocoa I wonder?) and chainsaws made of swirling colors (I can't quite identify the specific candy used in the manufacture of these chainsaws but the machinary sure is gruesomely loud and fills the air with a soft hum that seems to be increasing in intensity as the monsters approach). The worst part is the platypuses aren't alone, they're accompanied by a horde of delicious looking chocolate covered saber-toothed mini zombie rabbits whose thirst for human entrails is insatiable. Also accompanying the platypuses are flamethrower toting gummy bear monsters, dude, they are torching buildings left and right with gleeful abandon. And I can't even bring myself to talk about the cotton candy poodle monsters, I'll go blind with fright if I even try describing their awfulness.

I stare out my window. The platypuses and their army are fast approaching. The fires are getting bigger. The air feels hotter. And I'm so scared I just barfed on my keyboard..."

Eh, this is all too much work. I think I'll just post a painting I like.

Here you go... it's by the French painter Georges de la Tour, he's one of my favorites.