Dreams.

Sorry I haven't been around much. Been tired/having headaches, but I promise to get back in the swing of things.

Let me tell you a tale, the story of my past week, a week filled with frightening murders, debauchery, owls with machine guns, rabbits flying aeroplanes, sex, sex, guns, sex...

Well, I'll tell you about all that next time. In the meanwhile...

I saw my doctor the other day and he recommended that I try melatonin when I'm having headaches that prevent me from falling asleep at my usual hours. We talked about literature too, he told me he was reading Tocqueville, and I was very happy to hear that, can't read enough of the French writers, that's what I say!

I tried the melatonin for the first time a couple nights ago and it seemed to work well, I slept a good long time. Although I did wake up once because I had a creepy nightmare (and I haven't had a nightmare, at least a memorable one, since I was a little kid, wait a sec, that's a lie, I had a nightmare about sharks a couple weeks ago... you think I kid but it's true). I tried the melatonin again the next night, and again I slept well, except I had another nightmare, and this one really flipped me out. When I woke up, I felt like I never wanted to go back to sleep again...

The problem is, I can't perfectly remember the dream, but all I know is that I haven't felt that chilled and frightened in ages. The most frightening aspect of the dream was the atmosphere. Actually, in both nightmares I had, there was this sense of impending doom and terrifying suspense, this possibility of great unknown terror striking at any moment... I think that was the scariest part.

I do remember some parts of the last nightmare I had... I was in a house, the setting was late at night, everything was dark except for some blue moonlight. Pretty standard set for a bad horror movie I guess (my mind isn't very original in its attempts to create nightmares?).

So, I'm in this random house, in the middle of a big room on the first floor. Looking up I expected to find a ceiling, but there wasn't one, or at least I didn't see one, all I saw were staircases that led up and up into the darkness. The room I was in was huge, and there were playpens and fences (why, I have no clue), and I think there were people, but I can't remember what they looked like, oh, I do remember one of the people was a coworker from one of my jobs years ago... she was kinda crazy. I don't know what the hell she was doing in my dream, I barely knew her and I haven't seen or thought of her in ages. Maybe she paid admission to get into my dream? Which reminds me, feel free to send me $50 and I promise you the privilege of a guest appearance in one of my dreams...

As I'm looking around, I somehow get caught in one of the fences, and by some weird terrible miracle a necklace of shrunken heads got wrapped around my neck. The physics of my dream was a little weird, I don't know where the shrunken heads came from nor how I got 'stuck' in the fence. Anyways, as I'm stuck on the ground, immobolized by the shrunken head necklace, this is the point I realize something truly terrible is about to happen. As I mentioned some parts of the room were lit by moonlight, but the room was so big that there were large sections filled with darkness (oh, how scary!).

So, I have this realization that something is coming to get me, something from the darkness, but I woke up before I got a chance to see what the thing was. I was hugely disappointed, talk about getting ripped off. I was waiting for the payoff... getting to see my head chopped off in my own dream would've been pretty cool.

Plus I can't believe there weren't any machete wielding animals in this dream... does my subconscious not have the power to create that sort of wacky stuff???

A Memory. My American Film Experiences.

First off, I didn't plan on writing about sharks in this post yet that's what I ended up doing. I guess they fascinate me. Or maybe sharks control my brain, I really don't know.

I was relatively young when my family moved to the US.

The movie experience, particularly the American movie experience, was new to me, and it really blew my mind. The films I saw featured whole new worlds full of craziness and diabolical weirdness, lots of attractive women and demonic monsters, lots of pithy wordplay and characters embarking on harrowing yet successful endeavors... but I particularly enjoyed seeing all the attractive women on screen. And the monsters were cool too, but they didn't help my psyche very much.

You see, the American film experience is truly unique, at least it was at that point in time, before globalization had really walloped foreign film industries (I don't know how true that is, but it seems that way). Moreover, what added to the power of all these American movies I was seeing around 1989-90, was the fact that I was a naive little 7 year old whose viewing experiences consisted mostly of cartoons. The cartoons I had seen were shorts featuring the likes of Bugs Bunny (I always loved Bugs, but I did find his fondness for cross-dressing a little perplexing), Donald Duck, Daffy Duck (whose insane anger never ceased to amuse me, I always remember Daffy getting his beak blown off his head, I thought that was the pinnacle of hilarious, I still do), and Mickey Mouse (although I thought he was boring).

Little did I know how much contemporary American films would change my provincial outlook and form me into the demonic monster I am today. I've come a long way, that's for sure.

One of my first big screen experiences was Ghostbusters 2. Frankly, it was as terrifying a thing as I've ever seen, specially given how young and impressionable I was. I haven't ever seen the movie again, but I remember snippets from that first, traumatizing visual experience...

One thing I seem to remember from the movie were the monsters or ooze that would materialize out of faucets. I even think there was a scene where the bathtub faucet had ooze coming out of it. It was also around this time that I saw Jaws for the very first time. My cold hard intellectual reasoning quickly put 2 and 2 together and I realized the jaw-dropping potential catastrophes that could take place: not only could monsters and ooze could come out of faucets, but there was a huge potential that Jaws could come out of the faucet. This new fear began haunting me night and day, it smothered me, I couldn't go anywhere without worrying about sharks bursting out of faucets. Even the water fountain at school was a potential death trap. I tried warning my friends, but my broken English didn't allow me to properly convey the gravity of the situation.

My mind, once launched into these kaleidscopic visions, would imagine all sorts of frightening scenarios. One such scenario was the one where my parents would call for me, search for me, only to come upon my bloody bathtub, the murky water topped by a couple pieces of floating flesh, and maybe a jagged bone fragment here and there... Lord knows what they would have thought, I would've been too dead to explain that my demise came about from a shark monster that materialized out of the faucet. And I felt sad, I didn't want that to be their final memory of me, my blood in the bathtub, maybe a shark tooth embedded in a piece of my unrecognizable flesh, serving as a subtle clue that might allow my parents to figure out the godawful truth of my demise...

So after seeing Jaws and Ghostbusters 2 I never really could relax anymore when I was in the bathroom. In fact, the thought of Jaws or monsters coming out of household spigots haunts me to this day. And, needless to say, I'm insanely afraid of the ocean. And you know that grate in pools, the one at the bottom of the deep-end, well, it's connected to the ocean via a long pipe and Great Whites can travel through it and end up in any household pool at any given time (I know others believe this, I've come across an internet post or two that asserted this hideous truth). But the CIA doesn't want you to know this truth, and they've done a bloody good job at keeping it covered up (maybe you didn't notice, but we never heard again from those internet posters who asserted the truth). The CIA might even be right in smothering this awful truth, because the truth might be too hard to handle for most people (that's a Jack Nicholson allusion, I'm subtle like that). Hence, most of us live in ignorance, which is probably for the best.

Sheesh, that was a pretty standard conspiracy theory paragraph, sorry, I don't feel very original sometimes.

Ok, anyways, let me finish this because I don't know what I'm saying.

There is something good that came out of all this. My uncle, to this day, reminds me of the time he brought me and a friend to McDonalds. What we ordered for dessert and devoured with utter joy still perturbs him. My friend and I ordered green slime, you know, I think the Ghostbusters people had a deal with McDonalds at the time... so my friend and I ate this green slime dessert, it was probably just toxic waste covered in sugar... but it was sooooo yummy.

So in the end, the movie Ghostbusters 2 might have scared the crap out of me, but at least I got to enjoy some green slime. A happy ending. Yay!

Television. It's Great.

Ok, I haven't spent much time today on the computer, so I'm a bit behind on the blogs. I've been trying to rest because my body is so tired from all the damn headaches... but there is good news from all this resting. It means I watched lots of television. And watching television means I learned tons of kickass shit.

And I suppose this a bit of a rant, but hey, I've felt like pretty bad these past weeks so I'm allowed!

First off, I watched a lot of celebrity stuff. Which allowed me to find out that Sandra Bullock has a new movie coming out. The movie's premise made me laugh because it's been done about a zillion times, you know, stuff about reliving the same day. The movie is called Premonition, and I'm not going to say I have a premonition about how crappy this movie is going to be because that is such an obvious joke to make. I guess I just did. Oh well.

Secondly. I feel like my mind is hallucinating, like I took acid and I'm seeing machete wielding tyrannasaurus rexes who are wearing bandanas and sporting gnarly tattoos, because I can't believe what I'm seeing on tv. Is that show about Hugh Hefner's girlfriends for real (it's called The Girls Next Door)? I don't get it. Is that show a joke, or a parody of a parody, because it's as ridiculous, boring, and as insanely stupid as anything I've ever seen. Yet, somehow all those things combine to make it a great, captivating show! And I'm a huge fan of Kendra, the sporty chick... But seriously, I can't figure out if that show is made by left wing anti-capitalists who are trying to show us the perils of our consumer/sex obsessed society... because you couldn't make a better argument against the pitfalls of capitalism than you could with that show. I feel like behind the show's facade is a thick layer of irony... I bet it's produced by Noam Chomsky.

And the thought of Hef banging all those 20 something foxes, there is something so icky and twisted about that. Well, he's from Chicago, so his show gets a pass in my book, but just barely.

The Hef show is almost as ridiculous as that Flavor Flav show I saw a while back. But Flavor Flav is slightly more hilarious, and he gave out giant clocks. Giant clocks are always awesome and that's what made Flav's show a smashing success in my eyes. And I also learned that money buys love from that show. Which is a good thing to know, and it's a rule that Hef's show certainly reinforced.

Unfortunately, in all my tv viewing, I didn't catch any news on Paris Hilton. I love Paris. She is a true guilty pleasure for me. And I have a feeling she goes home at night and studies St. Augustine or something spiritual and intellectual like that. She is deeper than we think. You know what, I bet she also reads Noam Chomsky at night and she's the producer/force behind the anti-capitalistic Hefner show. It all makes sense.

I also saw a movie called Layer Cake featuring Daniel Craig. Actually I only saw the second half of the movie, and I had no freakin' clue what was going on. One guy gets his head chopped off which is then put in a freezer box, I have no clue why they chopped his head off, probably running his mouth off or something. Maybe he was a rat. Rats deserve to have their heads put in ice boxes. Which reminds me I need to get one of those Don't Snitch t-shirts.

Anyways. I was surprised when some random guy randomnly and much to my chagrin gets a bullet between the eyes. Which was sad but I didn't have the time to mourn the loss of this random character, because all of a sudden Craig is about to have sex with a nice looking blonde, which refocuses my attention away from guy with bullet in head to hot steamy sex with foxy blonde. But the idiot director decides to cut this sex scene short because Craig gets kidnapped by a bunch of random spoilsports (probably jealous of Craig being with the foxy blonde I assume) and then some old guy offers Craig money for drugs but you know the old guy is gonna screw him so then lots of people get shot and I have no clue what this movie was about. And the SWAT team is in cahoots with the bad guys which is great I guess.

I may have mixed up facts and sequences of the movie. But all I know is that the violence was certainly wonderful and executed at a very high level of sadisticness. But the sex wasn't nearly enough, specially considering the one sex scene I saw was interrupted by that stupid kidnapping. And sex counts in my book.

I'm never going to let my kids watch tv. Well, I'll let them, but only if they watch with wry smiles on their faces.

Headaches. Sharks in My Yard. Lost Love.

So far today, my head is feeling better. The past 2 weeks have been bad, the headaches aren't the most traumatizing I've ever had, but they are constant and keep me from falling asleep. I have to get soooo tired before I can sink into sleep. But it's ok, I think these headaches have cropped back up because I went through a very stressful period where I was very worried about my mom and her health. And I can be thankful for one thing, the pain isn't near what it used to be...

I'm thankful to be alive. I really am. And I'm so lucky to have loving people in my life. And we have sharks tied up in the backyard, they are pretty cool too, and I think they love me although they don't say it. I think they have a complex, they have a hard time committing and saying the, "I love you Sebastien." They're kind of macho like that. But it's ok, I still tell them I love them. But there are moments where I'm struck with sadness because they can't tell me they love me. It really does hurt.

Speaking of love, it seems like lots of my friends are experiencing difficult situations with their love lives. It makes me sad, I try and talk on the phone with them when I can. You know, give some support, everyone needs someone who understands and can listen. But it's difficult because of my headaches, I can't talk as much or as often as I'd like.

So what are my general thoughts on love? Does love suck, or is it marvelous and awesome? You probably already know what I think... love is the greatest! It can be terrible and agonizing, but it's totally worth it.

Let me leave you with this song clip, La Bise Aux Hippies, it's so funny and great...

Drawing. Movie. Books.

I'm posting another cartoony drawing... macabre, like usual :)

And I included a chainsaw in this drawing, I know many of you were unhappy with the lack of chainsaws in my drawings. I will try to ratchet up the level of violence in my future drawings. Well, maybe. That's not a promise.

I couldn't fall asleep last night because my head was hurting. So I passed the time watching a movie on tv. The movie was really silly, but it was great. Movie was called Transporter 2 or something of that nature. It was good fun, the villains were totally villainous and great, the love interest was very sexy, the dialogue was horribly horrible, and the action scenes were pretty ludicrous/terrible but somehow that added to the movie's charm.

Other than that, not much to report. I did start what seems to be a great book by a French author I've never read before (Francois Mauriac). There's a bunch of French writers from the 50s era I'd really like to get back into, been a while since I read that stuff. I'm especially looking forward to reading some Boris Vian novels, that guy is crazy great, at least the one book of his I read, L'ecume des Jours, was awesome... definitely recommend that novel, it's been translated in English so it shouldn't be too hard to find if you're interested. It's surreal and wild, but it's full of tragedy and despair too. I really need to reread it, but I don't have a copy of it anymore...

Anyways, hope everyone is having a great weekend! and enjoying the basketball.


My sister said I should change the background so I took her advice! but I'm having trouble coming up with the right color... Please, feel free to give me suggestions, any sort of change I should make in a drawing, or ideas for future drawings!

Whales are Dangerous.

I just wrote a post on how frustrating the past week has been for me, I haven't felt very well, you know, tired/headachy... same old ridiculous stuff. But I think writing the words helped so much that I don't feel the need to post that post anymore. Cool.

When I go through tired times, I usually have a carnival-like bazaar of memories that play through my mind. Some are cruel and sad because they remind me of beautiful moments that feel far away, or the memories remind me of people that feel far away. Hmmm, I wish my mind wouldn't replay so many memories. I wish I could just play an action movie in my brain all day long on the bad days...

But you know what counts? Although there are highs and lows, I'm going to keep getting better. I'm going to become a triathlete champion who eats frosted flakes and flosses everyday. And I'm going to write the greatest novel ever about Romania. And paint stuff. But seriously, I'm going to benchpress 300 pounds. I don't know why, but that's something I want to do.

In other news: A whale killed some guy in Japan. I just saw it on the news. Poor guy. Shoulda read Melville, he woulda known to stay away from whales...

NCAA Basketball. Alice In Wonderland. HP Lovecraft.

The NCAA basketball tournament is coming up.

I can feel the excitement in the air. The terrorist gophers have already tried to steal our tv so they can watch the tournament in their underground lair, but Rambo foiled their wily plot (it's a long story, won't get into it here). But rest assured, Rambo and I have kept up the anti-gopher terrorist training.

Anyways, I've never watched the NCAA tournament before, never really had the time. But this year will be different, I'll at least follow the tournament, and if I'm feeling particularly tired and unable to do much of anything, I'll probably watch lots of games. There isn't a specific team I'm cheering for, the team I would cheer for isn't in the tournament, but I guess I'll cheer for Big Ten teams. Wait a sec, someone just reminded me... I'm cheering for Georgetown!

On another note, I just finished "Alice in Wonderland." I really loved it, so creative and interesting. I've been rereading the poem 'Jabberwocky,' which is at the beginning of "Through the Looking Glass." I think it's unbelievably cool and really fun to read out loud. I particularly love this verse...

'Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!'

I'm looking forward to reading more of Carroll's works, Taarzaan recommended "Sylvie and Bruno," and I'd also like to check out the "Hunting of the Snark."

I'm also reading another book of short stories by HP Lovecraft. He's wildly imaginative, although quite dark, but, to my initial surprise, the darkness of his work really entranced me. Before Lovecraft, I never really read dark frightening stuff.

His writing style is interesting, although it's overdone at times... and I think there are different sorts of flaws in the writing, pace, or plots of certain stories. It's too bad, because instead of 1 in 8 stories being unbelievably great, if certain things had been changed, it'd be closer to 1 in 2 or something like that. Exactly the same thing with painting, not every work by an artist is a masterpiece, each artist has different rates of success. At least that's what I think... But even Lovecraft's lesser stories are awesome, so it's not a big deal. And his best stuff is truly mesmerizing and powerful.

Fringes. And a Couple Thank Yous.

Fringes is awesome (and so is her blog)!

She did a lot of drugs and the talking raccoons distracted her so much that she let her guard down and decided she'd let me write a post over at her blog. Not a smart move.

And a couple thank yous...

Thanks to Deb for posting about my cartoon creations and saying such nice things about them! Please check out her blog, it's awesome, just like Fringes is awesome.

I must also thank Tara, over at Eclectic Spaghetti for posting about me a while back (and saying such nice things too!). Tara is always upbeat, obviously awesome, and she does these very fun drawings about the days of the week, it's kinda hard to explain... so go visit her to see what I'm talking about.

Also, thanks to K over at A Yoga Coffee Outlook for her kind words about this blog. K is most certainly awesome. Go visit her!

I actually have so many to thank... all of you who regularly visit, thanks for helping me stay positive through the tough times, thanks for making me laugh, and thanks for all your kind uplifting words. Anyways, you know who you are. Thank you.

Scorpion Fun.

I'm realizing there are tons of scorpions in my room! I've found way more this past year than I ever have before.

At least I saw before it ever had a chance to sting me. The scorpion came out of the bathroom and seemed like it was heading straight for my foot. For a second I thought it was a cricket and I couldn't have cared less. But then I saw the creature do some weird twirly thing with its stinger...

I considered finding the bottle of Raid to kill it. Using the Raid would leave the scorpion dead but intact (so it could be used as the subject in a future painting). But I figured it'd probably find a place to hide in my room before I could get the Raid. I decided upon immediate action, which meant bashing it with a shoe.

The pictures I posted show the remnants of the scorpion. It's pretty mangled, and unfortunately I don't think I will ever be able to use it as a subject for a still life painting.

I used to be so scared of these things, and while they still kinda freak me out, they don't get my heart racing like they used to. The highs just aren't as good anymore, maybe if I found a snarling grizzly bear in the closet, maybe that would hit the spot...

Please feel free to talk about your own worst animal experiences in comments :)

Tiredness.

Hope everyone is enjoying the weekend :)

I've been tired the last couple of days. I think it's because of all the stress from the past couple weeks. But it's not a big deal, I feel so lucky my mom is ok!

There are lots of things I'd like to write about, but as I mentioned, I'm too tired at the moment.

I'll leave you with a picture of Rambo in a box. Well, he's kind of in the box. And we really do try to keep him frozen as much as possible.

Israel.

One of my blogging buddies, People in the Sun, wrote a post about his experience of serving in the Israeli army. It's a really wonderful post, a fascinating first person account, and, well, there's lots of things I could say about it, but, if you have the time you should really read it yourself and see what you think.

Thinking of this stuff reminds me of this Palestinian girl I worked with back in Chicago. She was really great, we were both way into art so that's what we talked about a lot of times, but she talked about Israel from time to time. It was cool hearing her views, rarely do you hear the Palestinian side of things.

But it's such a complicated situation, mostly complicated by greedy politicians who stand to gain from things not working out...

God, it's so easy blaming politicians, I love it!

By the way, I just discovered this picture, it makes me laugh. I always knew Sesame Street was in cahoots with bin Laden.

Two Dead Rabbits. And a Squirrel in a Hat.

I could probably write tons of stuff right now, I feel so happy. I'm just going to post this drawing, it's a bit grim for the occasion, but everybody likes grim if it includes a squirrel popping out of a hat. I guess the kid in the drawing is either the grim reaper for rabbits or a really bad magician, or maybe he's just a random kid with two dead rabbits and a squirrel in a hat...

YES!

We got my mom's test results back, and it's all good! She just had surgery, but the doctor's were worried the cancer might have spread through the lymphatic system. But the test results confirm that it hasn't! Hooray! Wow, I don't even know what to say, I'm so ridiculously happy!!!!!

Lessons. Books.

First off. Thanks for all the well wishes for my mom. I will be writing more when we know more, still waiting for some test results, but so far things have gone as well as they could have... she is quickly recovering from a successful surgery. But we're not in the clear yet, so of course we are hoping for the best, but we remain prepared to tackle whatever situation arises. Forgive me, I'm still too worried to write about all of this in full detail.

In other news...

Gave another French lesson today. I know I keep saying this, but it's such a great experience, things are going so well, and I can't believe my health is holding up enough for me to do these lessons!

I think I'm going to keep giving lessons even when I'm better. Maybe give some painting lessons too if I have the time for all of that. And for some reason someone wants me to tutor their daughter in science. Hey, why not, I liked science, specially my biology class with the British teacher who always pronounced evolution as 'EVIL-ution.' I laughed every time he said that. He just made evolution sound so damn terrible, like a curse or something. It made me want to kick evolution's ass.

I can't wait to be all the way better. I'm going to go shoot some pool. I guess that has nothing to do with anything.

Anyways.

I've been reading "Alice in Wonderland." I've actually never read it before. It is sooooo AWESOME! I love it. Every word is perfect. Wouldn't change a thing.

Also started reading Milton's "Paradise Lost." I had a friend who always talked about that poem... and since my mind feels sharper these days, I figured why not read it. It's surprisingly readable, and quite a fascinating story, all about the fall of man, but it seems that a lot of the story is told from Satan's perspective. Satan's perspective! How can this book not be awesome?

Unfortunately, for the greater part of this illness I felt too sick to read. And I have a feeling that as I keep getting better I'm probably going to have less and less of a chance to read. In the gradual march back to health, life will takeover my life, which is a good thing! And, as wonderful as literature is, it doesn't quite replace life (obviously!)! I really want to be doing stuff, got tons of projects in the works, I think I've had enough sitting around for a lifetime... Shoot, I can't even begin to talk about all my plans. Got so many. Quite a few art projects lined up with different people. I'm excited.

But in the meanwhile, as I keep recovering, I'll be reading lots of stuff. I'm just thankful I don't have the pain like I used to, watching tv was the only thing I could manage in a sad effort to grind out those terrible days. At least I learned a lot about celebrities. Like Paris Hilton. God I love Paris!

And I like Lindsay Lohan too.

But Britney annoys me.

So, that's it for now I guess.

Couple Drawings.

More drawings I've done of late...

And I have been feeling much better lately! I hope I'll be able to start drawing from life soon enough, but I'll probably keep doing this sort of cartoony artwork even when I'm better, it's a great way to relax and have fun!

By the way, these are all based on childhood memories. Well, not really, but I wish they were... Be cool to run into some eyeball snakes...

Hope everyone is having a great weekend :)

The Eyeball-Snake King

Sweet Childhood Memory

Friends

Spaceship Fun

Story. Drawing. Stuff.

Lauren sent me this wonderful little passage the other day and I decided to write it down, as you can see in the picture above. I love this story! So simple, beautiful, and true! I felt inspired to do a drawing loosely based on it (and, as you might notice, the drawing below is very similar to a previous drawing).

Granted, the drawing is a little bit more sadistic and violent than the story, so, you might argue that it defeats the purpose, but hey, whaddya gonna do! I'll probably try and do some drawings that are a little more true to the story...

By the way, I will most certainly be writing about my mother when we know more. I can't get started on it right now, there are soooo many things to say, and still quite a few worries... But thank you for all the kind thoughts and wishes.

Mom

I'm worried. I'm too preoccupied with my mom's health to write about anything else.

I'm not going to get into it at the moment...

But,

everything's being done that can possibly be done. With the proper precautions, medical intervention, and a bit of luck everything should turn out ok.

Sorry for this worrisome message, but I couldn't not write about it.

I turned off comments but prayers and good thoughts for my mother are appreciated...