Health Update and a Little Bit of Looking Back

Sorry, this is kinda long...

So, my main idea I had when I started this blog was I didn't want to talk about my illness (epstein-barr virus). I wanted to focus on other things, mostly because this illness racked me with constant worries (for the longest time the doctors couldn't figure out what I had, I was scared I had some disease that was going to kill me!) and also crazy ass pain (the pain in my head was sickeningly bad, it felt like little monsters were slowly eating away at my brain!)... well, this illness was all I could think about, mostly because the pain made it so hard to forget how sick and ill I was. I just remember googling this illness, or googling my symptoms, just praying I could find a magic cure or something. Haha, boy was I wrong, I ended up dying of stress with the shit I read: I'd think to myself, holy shit, I have that crazy ass illness, or I'd start thinking I had cancer, or a brain tumor, or a hundred other illnesses... I'd start sweating, and I mean really panicking, holy shit, holy shit, and I'd start pacing back and forth, I became convinced I was going to die (relatively soon that is), or I'd start worrying that my illness would morph into another illness or trigger something else (yes, it can actually, I just don't think about that anymore, I have no control over that), plain and simple I just thought I'd never be healthy again, or productive or anything. The stress certainly didn't help my symptoms, but I guess that's where acceptance comes in, and I just came to understand that things are the way they are, I came to the daunting realization that my death is a certainty, nothing is promised in life (hell, I just learned to be thankful to be alive, even if I was in pain and couldn't do anything, lots of people have died young, or suffered tragedies, I was lucky, I was still alive!), but I realized the only way I could get through this was to do my best, try and stay as mentally strong as I could, no matter the pain or whatever the damn circumstances. I think that's why I also watched a lot of sports, there was an element of never quitting, of really fighting, tooth and nail, that was something I really respected in great athletes that I tried to adopt in my own mentality. I hope I'm not coming off as dramatic or whatever, I'm just trying to explain how I felt, how I tried to make it through the most difficult days... The only person who could help me at the most terrible moments (not to discount all the support I've gotten from family or friends), well of course it was only myself. Only through faith and hope could I keep strong, and not fall apart and want to kill myself (trust me, this was never an option!) or just bash my head in the wall, or just fall into the deepest darkest depression over my physical pain and circumstances.

Blogging, even when in pain, really has helped me focus my mind on other things, even through some terrible I feel like crying this pain is so bad moments. Well, I won't lie, when the headaches were so bad and constant, and didn't let me sleep for days on end, I did cry!!! That was the only relief I could get!

I know it's not the best thing to be on the computer so much, but the vastness of the internet has really given me a new kind of liberty, which has been so refreshing because my illness has smothered my physical liberties so drastically.

I have talked about this illness from time to time, but lately it's been on a more positive note. Things really are getting better for me, my symptoms, ie headaches, painful lymph nodes, fatigue, are all diminishing, my mind feels so much more alive, I feel like a person again. I still have ups and downs, and I'm still tired a lot, but the best part is the headaches are so much less, so so so much less, I feel so thankful. Finally being spared of constant pain in my freakin' head, sometimes I don't know how I made it through... I thought I'd never make it through this nightmare, the lowest point was when I had to go to the ER because I just couldn't sleep, the headaches were like fire in the back of my head, they were constant and at such a high pain level, my body couldn't relax, these severe headaches could last for weeks, at the ER they gave me caffeine and morphine... I hate the thought of taking drugs. The mere thought of having to constantly take pain pills to survive through this thing, that scared the hell out of me. I tried to suffer through the most wicked pain, I never asked the doctor for pain pills, I just didn't want to cross that line (maybe that wasn't the right decision, I really don't know). I probably could have saved myself a lot of pain and stress, but I knew it was a risk, I didn't want to start taking things I'd become dependent on. That whole period, where I seriously thought I needed pain pills just to get through the days because of wicked headaches, that was the lowest low, the worst time in my life, everything felt so out of control, the pain in my head was out of control, I couldn't work a job (well, I still can't but I know I'm getting there), I couldn't even begin to imagine doing a little drawing, I just felt so damn screwed, like... It's hard not being able to work, not being able to validate yourself through daily activities, I was stuck, and I didn't even feel well enough to think, or imagine, or do anything. I'd spent my whole life working, learning, doing things, validating myself through activities... I guess not having that for a year forces you to learn about yourself, who you are, what you truly believe in...

Not sure I have much of a point with this post, I just feel that for myself it's a good time to express my thoughts, since my symptoms are so much less, I have a little bit more perspective on this whole thing... and I feel like it's important to give you guys a bit more information on who I am, what I'm going through...

But know this, I'm thankful for everything. I really am. I am lucky, I'm surrounded by wonderful people, somehow I haven't been overtaken by pessimism, anger, bitterness, on the contrary, I feel more happy, more joyous than I ever have in my whole life. Wait a sec, sorry, that's a little too glossed over... I'm still scared (less so though), and do still harbor some anger towards the people who doubted me, implied I was lazy, discounted my pain... Let's just say there was a reason I wanted to name our dog Rambo! But I'm not that angry, I try not to waste too much of my time on that emotion, it's worse than a cancer if you let it consume you.

This is a bit similar to a previous post I did, I know I repeat myself sometimes...

Anyways, I hope this post doesn't come across as condescending, or look at how great I am, or give me your pity, or whatever... I just feel it's good to open up sometimes... I've had a lot of moments where I was weak and scared, and I guess I'm just happy I'm making it through this thing, I guess I'm sort of incredulous that things are getting better.

6 Weird Things About Me

I got tagged by Silverneurotic, so I will give you a list of terrible evil things about me.

1. I hate phones. I hate them with a passion. I love getting to talk to people through them, but I feel like they are always causing me problems, disconnecting on me. Plus cellphones are so invasive, you can always be reached (which is both good and bad)... As you can guess I'm not always great with answering my phone. Plus I forgot to turn my phone off last night and it just so happened someone called me at 4 in the morning.

2. I am insanely afraid of sharks, and hence the ocean. You probably already knew that. I'm so afraid, I haven't washed my hands in ages, taken a shower in years (for fear that sharks will materialize out of the faucets, hell, even the drains! The only water I drink is bottled, because I can be certain there are no sharks in it! Of course I don't go swimming in pools, you know that drain in the deep end...well it's directly linked to the ocean, so there is a chance that great white sharks will show up in your pool and come after you). My motto: 'You can never be too careful.' I forgot to tell you I live in a bubble and I'm good at trivial pursuit.

3. I don't eat any candy, sodas, muffins, donuts, any of that sort of junk food. I do love chocolate though.

4. I lived in Japan for 3 years.

5. My favorite invention is the bicycle. Haha, kind of weird to love the bicycle, but it's just so simple and efficient, I love those qualities.

6. I now believe in things I don't see (I guess it's kind of like I believe in magic and spirits, I won't get into the details, they will frighten you! Well, let me tell you about all the monsters I see...wait a sec, I'm not sure if they are drug induced hallucinations or reality). I think being sick by this tiny infintesimal virus showed me there are so many things that we don't see, yet these invisible things can affect our lives in such powerful ways. One basic example other than viruses and illnesses, an example that affects absolutely everyone: Gravity, you don't see it, but it always has a hand in every second of your life. Well, going along those lines, I think there must be other forces and things we don't see (that includes a spiritual realm, religion, any of that stuff, I won't get specific about all that, I don't want you to find out I'm a hardcore Christian conservative who enjoys, delights in, marvels, cries with joy, laughs demonically at the fact that everyone is doomed to eternal hell, while I, because I am so righteously awesome, am promised eternal happiness in a most heavenly place, uh, that would be heaven I guess!). Sorry, sometimes I just ramble...

Now I must tag six people:
WAT
Manuel
Sonja
Lauren M.
Babs
Helen

Anyone else I didn't tag who wants to do the MeMe should most definitely do it.

Ok, One More Drawing

I hope this isn't too many drawings to put up. It's just on days I've been feeling ok I'm finally able to do work on these drawings, which is more than anything I've been able to do in the past year! I'll probably set up another blog where I'll post my artwork, but that'll probably be for when I'm better health-wise. Anyways, I just really enjoy being able to share the stuff I'm working on. This drawing is another surreal little scenario, the title is, 'Is the World Ending?' Once again, any advice or ideas are welcome! As someone mentioned, I didn't have a decapitation in the last drawing, I try to make amends by including one in this drawing.

Note: If I had to be anyone in this drawing, I would be the dog in the bottom right, snoozing away!

You totally need to subscribe to my site. Seriously.

I SAW BOND!!!

Bond Movie: Casino Royale

So, what did I think? First off, I'm thankful they did away with all the gadget nonsense, freakin' fluff is what that was!

Well, the intro scene was the best, with Bond and bad guy jumping off one crane to another, running around kinda parkour style, and it was filmed in a really cool way, so I loved that beginning! Other than that, the movie was so so I thought. Definitely very gritty at times, and damn, the torture scene was, well, let's just say I WILL be having nightmares about that. Cracked me up that the bad guy was a French guy named 'Le Chiffre'!!!! I thought Daniel Craig was good, I feel like the cameramen focused so much on his eyes, I could freakin' paint them from memory if I had to... Craig does make for a great Bond.

Ok, you can stop reading at this point if you haven't seen the movie, I divulge important information. Sorry goes out to Shaymus, I have already ruined his Bond viewing experience.

Anyways, I have a feeling some parts were seriously edited, like, where the hell was a classic car chase, come on, in that sweet Aston Martin, how could you not film such a scene? Plus the poker game, there were some really weird cuts that made no sense to me. And gaaawwwdd, this movie was boring at times, the ending, I mean, do I need to see the girl literally drowning, you know, that's just weird (maybe you dug that part, I didn't). I think they were trying to be very visceral, but sometimes I just felt they were being very brutal and gritty with no reason. Style for style's sake is cool, but when substance is lacking, it gets a bit tiresome. Hell, it's a Bond, so what can you expect. It's a good Bond nevertheless, but I've definitely seen a lot better action flicks than this one.

Flamethrower Bunny Drawing

So I just finished this new drawing. Kind of a riff on the drawings I used to do as a little kid, I guess it's a scene of war in some weird place (cemetary?). Please give me ideas, don't be afraid to tell me you hate things or like things. Is the drawing too busy, scrambled? There's no real focal point, so I think it makes the scene seem somewhat disjointed, but then again maybe that's the fun of it! Is the drawing too cute, not sadistic enough for you? Is this too derivative of something you've already seen (ie, flamethrower bunny makes me think of Itchy and Scratchy)? Let me know if you have thoughts on composition, color, scenario, style, feel free to say anything. Plus if you have any ideas of things you'd like me to include in future drawings, well, please tell me! I'm including the pre-photoshop drawing, I think it's nice to see what's done on computer and what's done by hand.

Links to Cool Stuff. Backstabbing Leads to No Bond. Plus I Got a Stingray in the Mail.

Links: Short Films. Annunciation Paintings.

A friend sent me these links that are soooo great. Mostly short films, really fun stuff...

Animated Short
Ninja Dinosaur
Weird Animation but Cool Song

Also, check out Mariana's post on Annunciation paintings, she includes lots of cool paintings, and she makes some fun commentary!

Backstabbing Friend

We didn't make it to the Bond movie... Here's a story filled with lies and deceit, a story so injurious you will feel sick to your stomach.

My so-called friend had been telling me all week how excited he was to see the Bond movie, telling me I shouldn't see it before he came to town because we would go see it. Of course I get more excited, because I feed off other's excitement, so I was starting to really anticipate the Bond movie (for evidence please witness the previous post). We were going to go yesterday, but I ended up feeling tired and pretty sick, so he just came by the house and hung out. This is when he dropped the bombshell, he told me it wasn't a big deal that we didn't go, he had already seen it! He just wanted to see it again, and was putting up a full-fledged charade to make me think he hadn't already seen the film. He lied to me! And if you know me, you know no one lies to me and gets away with it unpunished (a moral code I've learned from my diligent study of violent movies). My trust in him is shattered, I hope he reads this and feels soooo guilty that he sends me a million dollars to buy my loyalty back (hint, you should do this my friend! by the way, that's cash! I don't accept checks or money orders). We don't have anymore opportunities to see the film, because he is going back to work in a place far far away.

Sorry, that wasn't bad at all, I just thought it was funny that he didn't tell me he'd already seen the movie. For revenge I'm just trying to crush his spirit by screaming billingsgate (first time I ever use that word, I like the sound of it) and writing hateful, spiteful words against his character and person.

Stingray in the Mail

I got the greatest thing in the mail the other day. A stingray! Well, not a real stingray, but a sculpture of a stingray that my friend made, plus the letter she wrote was written on the backside of the stingray sculpture!!! Cooooooooooooooool!!!!! I think it's one of the most fascinatingly awesome things I've ever gotten in the mail. Stingy the Stingray and I are getting along well, we are now good partners. He's pretty good with numbers, so he does a lot of the business stuff that we need to take care of, only thing is he's got a temper but he's still cool so long as you don't piss him off. Stingy wants to come up with terrible torture ideas we can implement on my deceitful friend, I'm trying to calm Stingy down, he is seriously displeased (at least Stingy's got my back, he's cool like that)...

The New Bond Promises to be Murderifically Marvelous

I feel very awake at the moment. You need to know this. I don't know why.

I didn't see a movie yesterday, today might be the day the movie event happens. Most likely we will be seeing a violent movie that is needlessly murderific, with a visual feast that includes huge multi-million dollar expensive explosions, shootouts with blood flowing as freely as wine in the Garden of Eden (see Bosch's painting for reference point, actually this has nothing to do with anything), monsters that eat little kids, psycho dogs with rabies frothing at the mouth breaking into people's homes and eating the stuff in their fridge, super evil villains who are so demonic and crazy and use these mind blowingly intricate sadistic (is that redundant?) torture methods I will have constant nightmares about them in the months to follow, car chases so deliriously hilarious that I will want to blow $80,000 on a new car just so I can trash it as exactly as I saw it happen in the film, and lots of sexy scenes with women who are so unbelievably faked up with make up and sooo skinny I can barely perceive their oh so beautiful presence, oh, oh wait wait, of course there also needs to be lots of drugs and drug dealing super-villains with funky foreign accents and fancy designer eyeglasses that I will need to purchase a pair so I can act as intellectually villainous as the villains I've witnessed on screen...

Yes, I expect many things from the new Bond movie, I really do. My faith is rock solid, I'm sure this movie will fulfill all my expectations and more. Hmmm, yes, I do so love the simple pleasures in life, although I do tend to get carried away in my excitement...

I mentioned torture scenes, I'm not actually a great fan of that, although now that I'm thinking about it, it brings to mind this painting that I really like, it's by David Gerard, quite an insane and gruesome piece... but really beautifully painted!

The Judgement of Cambyses

What Movie To See? Gassehnauer Song, Plus Two Music Videos Featuring Zakir Hussain, Plus Art Links

Ok, I don't have much news to report. Hmmm, if I feel ok I think I might see a movie with some friends, either The Departed, but I really want to see the new Bond, or that movie Happy Feet (my sister told me about it, there's like, dancing penguins! Did you know I'm a sucker for animated penguins?!).

Music Stuff

Check out this song over at Stuff on Fire, it's called Gassehnauer. I LOVE IT!

I also found these crazy cool videos on youtube. The first video features the tabla playing Zakir Hussain, accompanied by a guy on Japanese drums. Second video is Zakir Hussain doing a solo.

Art Stuff

If you haven't checked out Bibi's Box yet, you should! She just posted on a couple artists that are worth checking out. The artists include the sculptor Edouard Martinet, and also the mesmerizing work of Marco Guerra and Yasmina Alaoui, who work along the lines of body art that includes intricate arabesque designs, just incredibly beautiful patterns!

I Say 'HAPPY THANKSGIVING!' I Give a Thank You to You, and I Talk About Cereal Killers

Happy Thanksgiving!

I'd like to briefly thank to all of you who visit my site, and thank you for all your wonderful sites, your great comments, and just being incredibly maaah-vaaaalous overall. As most of you know, it's been a very hard year for me, but blogging has made the journey through this illness so much easier! I can't quite explain how important blogging has been to me, but it's made up for my inability to see people outside of my house in a way that I never could have imagined (I, uh, just hope it doesn't permanently replace seeing 'real' people, haha!, lord knows I'm disconnected enough as it is!).

In other notes, today is an important day because we as humans strike a huge collective blow to the evil turkeys. We've been pushed around and manipulated long enough, and I'm so happy to see, that for at least one day of the year, we massively butcher these evil, dare I say nefarious, blood sucking, bank account draining, rocket launcher toting turkeys. I even have a gut feeling that these turkeys have been working in tandem with the CIA, the KGB, big oil companies (by default they are included in my evil conspirators list), the health care industry, Paris Hilton, and the true evil masterminds behind world domination, the duckbill platypuses. Ok, I'm not going to go into it right now, I can really get going on the duckbill conspiracy...(It's funny, I never get sick of demonizing random things!)

To further make amends for all the cuteness I've put up lately on this site... I'm posting a super scary link, it's all about Cereal Killers. Please, I know it's gruesome and difficult to handle, but I have to atone for the cute overload.

Good Things Plus I Go On a Huge Tangent About How My Grandfather Saved the Eiffel Tower (TRUE STORY!)

Hey, never a bad idea to think about good things! Here's a quick list of things that are good in my life, in no particular order...

1. Getting a new dog of course!!!! Who by the way, is sooooooooooo sweet, so gentle, and truly a kind spirit (or so I hope!). He did try to eat some of my books today, I quietly showed him to my sister's room. I told him I'd give him 3 milkbone if he tore the place up... He did a great job! Little Rambo's really living up to his name.

2. Seeing my sister!!!

3. My improving health (although it's still filled with ups and downs).

4. Seeing my grandmother! Who by the way, recounts all these really cool family stories. There are lots of war stories, funny stories, the story of my grandfather saving the Eiffel Tower (I know, you think I'm lying, but it's true!!!, I'll tell you about it some time, wait, I'll mention it now, he worked as an engineer on the Eiffel Tower, he discovered a bomb in the structure, actually in the bathroom, this was back in '58 or something when there was all those problems with Algeria, he brought the bomb down, bomb squad came, he got some really cool medals, got a picture and article of all this somewhere). My favorite story of my grandmother's is about how her eldest brother made a fortune in Brazil selling ostrich feathers!!! Hahaha, how awesome is that, I always tell her to tell me that story, now the only question is, where did all that money go!!!

Good news, my sister just sent me those pictures of our grandfather. Here you go, it's in French, but you probably get the gist. I never got to meet him, he passed away before I was born, would have loved to have known him!

Gilbert Triffoz (our grandfather) Working Way Up on the Eiffel Tower (eh, I guess he wasn't afraid of heights)

Article About Him and the BOMB!!!!

Won Some Medals...At Least That's What the Records Say!

Whew, okay, back to the list of more good things in my life.

5. Being blessed with a great family all around! (I feel like I always talk about this, but it's true!)

6. This book I'm reading is really excellent, although there's no drugs, sex, or violence in the story, which really kinda sucks, but the quality of the book makes up for that. Plus I watch a couple super violent movies to make up for the lack of it in the literature I'm reading. Things tend to even out that way.

7. I just saw a great movie today, Freaky Friday, much to my surprise it was really good! I laughed throughout, Lindsay Lohan and Jamie Lee Curtis were great, the script was well done, just superbly executed. My recommendation: See this if you haven't already!

8. Getting to draw! It's not as much as I'd like, and I still can't fully concentrate, but my good days are getting better! The bad periods are still tough, but it's a lot easier sucking it up when you can expect times where you feel well enough that you can create!

9. I ate a ton of raspberries today. Miam miam, love that stuff. Ok fine, I'll even admit I ate some chocolate, well, ok fine, lots of chocolate. It's just soooooo good, I'm weak like that.

10. Seeing friends who are going to be in town (hopefully I feel well enough). One friend has already promised to smoke crack with me during the XXX-mas holidays, she is sooo great! I punched my one way ticket to hell a long time ago, so I figure I might as well live it up!

In other notes: Two legendary figures have just passed away. The nobel prize winning economist Milton Friedman passed away not long ago, at the age of 94. Robert Altman, a wonderful director of films, including MASH, Short Cuts, Nashville just passed away the other day, he was 80 years old. It's very sad of course, but we are fortunate that they left us with amazing bodies of work that will stand for quite some time.

Guess WHAT!!!??

We got a dog! A little German Shepherd, his name is.... RAMBO!!! Haha, the family vetoed my choice, Pieceofpaper, but that's ok, I like this name. Wow, it's busy here, my 88 year old grandmother just flew in from France (I don't know how she does it!), my sister is coming in today, and there's a chance one of my buddies will be crashing here. Anyways, I can't resist throwing up a couple pictures of the new dog, I did a blur thing on one of the photos (don't ask me why, I just discovered the tool in photoshop...). Here is little Rambo, cute as can be, sleeping like a big fat little baby!

Getting a new dog is great, but all those feelings of missing my old dog have come flooding back. Sort of feels like I'm cheating on my girlfriend or something (not that I would ever do such a thing!). My last dog was with me during the worst times in my life, I could always find comfort lying down next to him during my most painful days... But what can you do, gotta just be happy with the fact we got a dog, and be thankful my previous dog left me with so many touching memories.

And don't worry, I will go back to posting things that aren't nearly as cute and maudlin very soon...

I'm feeling kinda sick, all this excitement, all this craziness, it's great, but I just gotta lie down for a while.

LOOK AT HIM!!! LOOK AT HIS AWESOMENESS!!!!!

Rusty the Narcoleptic Dog

I must admit that even I, from time to time, succumb to the occasional 'funny dog' or 'dog' search on youtube.

Here's something I found, I love this song, it's about Rusty the Narcoleptic Dog...

Here's another one, just a badly trained police dog, but at least he seems nice!

Working at the Factory. Plus Words and Phrases to Encourage Crazy Google Searches

The summer of 2001, that was a summer I'll always remember. It was the summer I worked in a factory making tail lights for cars like the Kangoo (seriously, I'd be embarrassed if I drove a car with that kind of name!), Range Rover, and Toyotas. It actually wasn't so bad. Now that I think about it, it was a lot like this...


I'm including the draft, kind of fun to compare pre and post photoshop I think. It's a busy scene, maybe too much, can't really distinguish one thing from another, but who cares!

Anyways, as you might guess, I've been feeling better the past couple days, since I'm able to do this stuff! The art I usually make (when I'm healthy) is sooo different, I paint from life, very detailed, realistic, all that jazz, I won't get into it for now because it's hard talking about something you can't do. All in due time, I'm just happy to be making something!

Words and phrases to encourage more crazy google searches:

• tyrannosaurus rex rapping about his mercedes benz
• mouse eating godzilla
• if a dinosaur watched porn, what kind of porn would he be into
• are politicians as evil as duckbill platypuses?
• a pomeranian (circus dog) tried to kill me
  
• does jesus like sauerkraut
• is steven segal stronger than sauerkraut
• how to steal a painting
• how to steal a car
• how to steal a chair
• guns are good for you
• rocket launchers should be legalized
• people getting high with their rocket launchers should be legalized
• we should legalize dangerous things
• basketball is the essence of life
• this lightbulb is the essence of life
• my carpet is the essence of life
• my mailbox exploded in my face
• should i name my dog 'pieceofpaper'
• should i name my dog 'lampontable'
• should i name my dog 'oldladydrivingacadillac'
• i ate all the medicine is that bad
• the scanner ate my face
  

I Can't Help Myself! Google Searches...

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GOOGLE SEARCHES!

More on the wacky interesting ways people get to this site (sorry this just fascinates me, I'm like a cat with a ball of yarn, or maybe I should say, a cat on a bicycle...).

Searches include:

"what if Jesus said i have a headach"- That's not in the Bible?

"Bike Painting Scorpions"- I've never met a scorpion that couldn't paint. I also never thought of doing google searches while stoned, maybe this is the kind of stuff you think of?

"Can You Tell Me About the Duckbill Platypus"- Unfortunately these searches are becoming all too common, I think it's the main way people are finding me. Well, at least they will be fairly warned about the evilness of the duckbill platypus.

"duckbill platypus sting"- For real? I thought they were pretty harmless, after some serious research, I have learned that these creatures deliver a powerful sting, so powerful you won't be able to move your limbs for several days! Wow, the duckbill platypus just got bumped up a couple spots on my 'To Fear' list.

"duckbill platypus youtube fly"- Not sure what this means, although it implies the duckbill platypus has learned how to fly. We are all in big trouble if that is the case.

"sick cartoon bears"- I like cartoons, I like bears, not sure if I like sickness though...

"cat jumping on a bike"- The question is, can they pop a wheelie? Animals and bikes...seems to be a common theme on this blog? Well, I've realized I talk a lot about animals, and that's why I get these searches, I think.

"acupuncture fire steven segal"- Is that his new movie?

"think of the words to say i'd like to think that"- My method of google searches is generally a little more concise and to the point than this person's... Sebastien says, check the thesaurus.

"awesome house party Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends cheat code"- Ever since I posted that clip from the Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends show, I've been getting tons of searches for this cheat code. Must be pretty special.

The damnedest thing is, now that I've written this, I'm only going to engender a slew of similar searches. Akin to the famed snowball effect...

Let's All Join the Circus!

My Thoughts On Borat, And a Movie I'd Like To See

Quick Thoughts on Borat

I saw Borat this weekend with my dad. It was nice making it out of the house, I've really only been leaving to go to doctors' appointments! Anyways, the movie was pretty good, I thought it sort of lost steam about half way through, but I completely expected that. With this kind of movie, the schtick can get tiring, and although it never quite reaches that point, there are times where it gets a little boring. Overall there were some great scenes, stuff that made me laugh like I've never laughed before, and the same goes for my father, I think he was crying he was laughing so hard. I was really happy that Borat got a bear, it made me think about how we should all have pet bears. Not the vicious man eating bears, but domesticated unicyle riding bears (or is that just demeaning...).

The reason this movie is interesting, once you get past the mastery of improvisational comedy, is the fact that Borat unmasks people so quickly and effortlessly, showing what people think, what makes them tick, and what kind of wacky prejudices they harbor. I find it highly ironic that it was the government of Kazakhstan that complained so furiously over this film (did they ban it?), when the true target in terms of criticism is the US. We're lucky to live in a country where such a wacky, subversive?, sort of film can be made, and not only that, but make boatloads of money too!

Movie: District B13

I've seen videos of people doing Parkour, a sort of urban ballet where you try to pass obstacles in the fastest way possible, but I've never seen it integrated into a movie. This clip is from the movie District B13, some of the shots in this action sequence are astounding, I'd love to see how they set up the cameras, must've been tricky. Definitely going to have to rent this film.

I Really Love NPR

Tarantino meets the Care Bears....

Run for Your Lives!!!!

The monsters are coming!!!!

Wow, this really echoes the header I put up. Sorry, I hope all this violent stuff is just a phase. Who'm I kidding, I'm not sorry at all!

The Scorpion

I know you all might have wondered what I did with that scorpion that terrorized us so much we had hallucinations, seizures, psychedelic nightmares... actually it was all pretty cool stuff!

No, I didn't do the logical thing and throw him away, set him on fire, put him on my sister's chair... I'm keeping him in this black cup, saving him for what will become his tragic destiny...

I'm going to do a painting of him (once I'm better of course!). The painting will be called, "The Greatest Painting Ever Because This Is a Painting of the Crazy Scorpion That Tried to Kill Me But He Failed Miserably And I Killed Him Well Actually My Dad Killed Him Because Basically He Wasn't a Perfectly Evolved Apex Predator Like the Great White Shark Is So Now He's My Bitch." I'm still tweaking the title.

My Little Scorpy, as I affectionately call him now, lies quietly and unperturbed in serene solitude... I hope his brothers and sisters don't figure out what ignominious masterplans I hold for him, they are liable to go crazy on me and decide to sting me to oblivion as I sleep the sweet sleep of the truly innocent.

Here is a picture of the vault where My Little Scorpy rests in peace till I bust him out for the painting. (Note to self: Might want to find a more secure location for this thing...)

I'm Going to Be Candid With You, This Is About Memories and Illness (yawn, booorrriiinnnggg)

I've never been a nostalgic person, but being ill has certainly changed that a bit. There are times where my mind just wanders, where it haphazardly zeroes in on some past memories. These memories play out in my mind (uh, like where else are they gonna play out!), sometimes the memories are slightly edited (like that memory where I walk into a restaurant and get revenge on 15 mafioso types and crooked cops who tried to screw me...15 minutes later I walk out of the restaurant with a wry smile on my face, a couple bloodspots on my fancy shirt indicate a fight has taken place, a pool of blood flows out from under the door. Ahhh, those were the happy, halcyon days of yore!!!).

Sorry, I lost my line of thought, I just really get into that kickass Dirty Harryish memory I was telling you about. I really gave it to those bad guys.

Yes, our memories tend to fuzz up the details, but that's the nature of memories I guess, they shift and transform themselves depending on your mood and circumstances. Sometimes the memories are tough for me, it's a tough pill to swallow, remembering being healthy, remembering good times, sometimes even remembering the bad times can make me wistful for the bygone days where life wasn't limited by illness. At times when I feel really sick and I'm in pain, any and all memories are like acid, they eat up my insides in the most terrible gut wrenching ways...

It's been easier lately because I know I'm going to get better, before I felt so sick, the illness felt so endless, so insurmountable, the pain was excruciating... The memories just felt like distant mirages, cruel little vignettes that reminded me of what I once was, something I might never have again... And believe me, I'm still incredibly scared, I won't breathe easy until the day I'm back to my old self.

I truly believe whenever my illness is over I'll look back on this whole godforsaken period as a gift, a transformative period, an experience that broke me down and melted me all the way down to my core, only to transform me into a stronger and better element (don't you love corny metaphors!). Uhh, these are the things I tell myself at least, haha, how else can you get through such a difficult experience! But seriously, I feel like I've discovered strength within myself, strength I never imagined I had... and for that I am extremely thankful, this strength keeps my mind stable (yes, it really is in spite of what you might think!!!), keeps me optimistic, keeps me happy...

Anyways, although many of my friends/ family think this whole illness is a terrible trick played upon me, a sad unlucky experience for me to go through, I know in my heart that I am very lucky. I'm not the only one suffering, I don't have a monopoly on that, all I can do is do my best, find inspiration in any nook and cranny I can... And I never ever forget how blessed I am, with family and friends, with people that love me and that I love...

Moreover, my love of life has only increased because of this experience. My love of people, my family, friends, the world, I find myself with a deeper appreciation of lots of things (like violent movies especially). I'm thankful every day, I'm still alive, I'm going to get better, I've got a wonderful family, I might have a wonderful dog soon!, I think of the crazy amount of painting I'm going to do when I'm better, I think of visiting my grandparents in France, I think of riding my bike, I think of laughing with friends, I think of executing Rambo style revenge on all those people that dissed me while I was down (yes, some have taken cheap shots, those bastards! Actually I could care less what they think, I just have fun thinking of vendettas, they make me laugh), I think of freedom baby!

Rugby

Rugby is a rough sport (and the sky is blue). Now, I know not everyone has a sick penchant for violence, but you know, boys being boys... most of us need a certain quota of bone-jarring NFL/NHL/Rugby sports action. It's inexplicable, but hey, we don't have to explain our terrificly twisted, brutally bloody, sublimely sordid hobbies!

(I wouldn't let this post fool you, I'm really not as macho and violent as I might be coming across. Maybe I'm trying to pull the wool over your eyes so you don't realize how sensitive and sweet I am, so you don't realize I'm a peace-loving beatnik...)

Anyways, I got rugby on my mind because we get this French tv channel here, and they showed highlights of the French rugby team getting trounced by the All Blacks, New Zealand's team. They also showed the All Blacks doing their chant, the Haka, totally amazing! Doesn't get any more macho than this...

All Blacks doing the Haka!


All Blacks Commercial


All Blacks Highlights

A Song

How bout a fun happy song for Sunday...

SCORPION IN MY ROOM! AHHHHHHHHH!

Setting: Nightime. My bedroom. My dad is in my chair, I'm lying down on the floor (it's comfortable ok!!!), we are having a conversation about how much we want a dog.

Well, out of nowhere this scorpion appears. My dad noticed it right next to his foot, which wasn't far from where I was lying down. My dad jumps up and goes into crazy kill mode, while I'm still lying down just thinking he saw a cricket or something. Wham, bam, with a couple of righteous, put the fear of God into you smacks of my sketchbook (thanks pops!) my dad has killed the scorpion.

Did I say I loved all animals in my last post? Uhhhh, you can 'x' that out, because I most certainly don't love scorpions. After the snake incident just outside my room, it's wonderful luck that we now find a scorpion in my room, which also leads to this logical conclusion: If there's one scorpion in my room there's probably more...

Hmmm, I have a feeling sleep will be a bit more difficult tonight. Please, wish me luck, so that I may make it through the perilous night intact. Godamn it, there's also those monsters in the closet!!! I can handle them, but when there's scorpions too, well... I guess I got my hands full, to say the least.

Look, I know you find me sexy Mr. Scorpion, and that is why you are in my room at this time of night, but I will most certainly not make out with you!

Something Incredible and Amazing Might Happen Soon

We (breathe, breathe) might... be .... getting a .... DOG!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I'm sooooo excited, I can't breathe right, I can't see straight. It's not for sure, but just thinking about it makes me go crazy!!!!!

We know that if we do get another dog it'll be a German Shepherd, like the previous two dogs we've had. I'm trying not to pressure my parents at all, I want them to decide for themselves if they want another dog, ultimately I'll be moving out once I'm better... but having a dog, how wonderful would that be!!!

Look, here's a picture of a potential dog we might get:


How cute! How adorable is he??? By the way, if you didn't realize this already, I love animals (yes even the ones I fear), but dogs are my favorite of all!

Firefox Is Frustrating Me, Blogger Is Frustrating Me, But Google Searches Make Me Happy

I'll start this off with something fun (that of course, is very subjective!). Google searches of how people get to your site, they can be pretty funny. Naturally, I get a lot of people searching 'chronically sick,' and all that jazz.

Well, I've started getting some different ones lately:

• 'what does a dead leave look like on the big fat awsome house party on fosters home for imagenary friends' : The answer is I have no freakin' clue. And why or how you came to my site looking for the answer to this, it's completely baffling, but quite marvelous I suppose.
• 'violent mouvies' : Well, I do talk about violent movies a lot. Maybe the demographic of my readers is extremely young and they can't spell???
• 'meow mis meow mix. i want meow mix' : Another spelling error, but I have to credit the searcher for their passion for meow mix. Can't fault anyone for loving the meow mix.
• 'rotting body photoshop tutorial' : I felt guilty for this one, why haven't I done a post explaining how to do this. How else can you make effective zombies?
• 'pictures of baby duckbill platypus' : I feel bad for this. This person WAS probably a duckbill platypus lover, and visiting my site probably crushed all their sweet illusions. I hope that person wasn't too disheartened when they found out how terrible and nefarious a creature the platypus truly is. The truth ain't always pretty.
• 'weird sex pictures' : I think that was the first sex search that I've had. I don't think I've posted any weird sex pictures, I really don't think I have.

Firefox and Blogger: I Pray For Your Sake That You Start Cooperating

Oh Firefox, why must you anger me so. You don't want to open, you freeze up and don't let me post comments, or maybe that part is blogger's fault. I don't freakin know. It's so hard to tell what's wrong in the computer universe. I'm not a computer expert, but I'll tell you what I'm gonna do if this chicanery continues...

My lovely next door neighbor has a double barrelled shotgun, and since I've been watching lots of sadistic violent movies lately, I probably can figure out how to use it. Firefox, and you too blogger, you are both going to be staring down the barrel of the shotgun, and you better pray that you start working, because if you don't, your guts are going to be plastered along the wall behind my desk, in a nice modern art Jackson Pollock sort of way. Toodaloo, I'm off to the neighbors!

Actual picture of a FIREFOX(Red Panda)! I want one so bad!

Why Being a Politician Pays Off, Sports Talk, and a Roadrunner Story

Politics

You know why you become a politician? Because of this, it's all about the money baby! You know what I would eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner if I were a super rich politician? I know you're thinking it... the answer is MONEY, MONEY, MONEY! I particularly like the taste of the $100 bills, and the $2 bill is also noteworthy for the sweet taste it leaves on the palate. Quite maaarvaahlous really! Although that sweet taste could just be cocaine residue, I really don't know...

Anyways, I've really loaded up on politics lately and I don't feel the need to spill any cyber ink on the subject (note: I'm happy to see a balanced government!). I will give you one prediction: Iraq gets partitioned, no other way that country is going to work out. And you can take that to the bank.

Sports

I promised sports talk. Well, as my Arizona Cardinals continue finding ingenious and egregious ways of losing, my love for them only increases. Weird, no? As for the Suns, they have yet to win a game, yet for me, all with that team is forgiven, because they have a French player, Boris Diaw! I really hope Stoudemire can recover from his knee problems, but I truly doubt he can regain the explosiveness that made him one of the most fearsome players in the league, it's going to be one of those sad, coulda shoulda been Bo Jacksonish kinda things.

As for a thing of beauty, I recommend watching the Colts' offense, Peyton Manning is razor sharp, it's as close to artistic as the NFL gets.

Roadrunner Siting!

A roadrunner almost came in the house the other day. I haven't seen a roadrunner in ages (maybe it's because my dog always tried to eat them!). Very funny creatures, I really like them, although the cartoon version really annoyed me, I really wish Wiley had knocked the 'meep meep' out of that smug bastard.

Need Celebrity News? Need Bill of Rights Info?

I know that you answered no to those questions. Nonetheless, I will provide you the information you do not need.

Celebrity News

I haven't been keeping up with the celebrity news lately, and I think I'm starting to suffer some wicked side effects from the withdrawal. Fortunately I was able to temper the side effects when I discovered this post on Lindsay Lohan. I like the interview she gives, she's quite honest about sleeping around, I don't think there's anything wrong with that... buuuut since it's Lindsay Lohan we better chastise her for such libertine Hollywoodized values.

And what is up with Paris, I haven't heard anything from her since she released her album. Is she in exile? Well, I do honestly hope Paris is ok, she's one of the few people who consistently makes me laugh. Wait a sec, here's something, oh, she made up with Nicole... That is so not scandalous. Booooorrringggggg.

Whoah, I don't know if I'm way behind the curve but I just found out that Britney is divorcing K-fed! I hope it's true, sure is about time. The only problem now is how is K-fed going to finance his awful but inadvertently hilarious music...

Election Stuff

Well, I hope in voting today you found an ingenious way to cheat the system (the new electronic voting machines seem to offer a wonderful opportunity to the tech savvy) and make sure your candidate won. Winning is the crux of the system, and if you don't do what you can do to make sure your guy wins, by ANY means necessary, well, I'm going to say that you shirked your patriotic duties, and frankly, you're probably a commie liberal who should move to Europe if you're not willing to cheat to win. If some commie liberal (likely a Democrat) gives you shit for trying to cheat, reference Machiavelli and punch the guy in the face.

Hmmm... About the Bill of Rights, since it's Election day I want to provide this link, it's never a bad idea to brush up on your knowledge of the US government.

Ali G

Oh, how I love this clip! That poor veterinarian, he doesn't understand the deliberate incompetence that is Ali G. Anyone seen the Borat movie?

Actual Footage of the Dastardly Duckbill Platypus And A Couple More Words on the Duckbill Platypus Threat (Can You Tell I'm Bored?)

I watched too much football yesterday. My mind is full of garbled football lexicon. Cover 2, nickel this, dime that, stop the run, flattened like a pancake, out route, draw play, slot back, bootleg...

Football hangover isn't the only thing scrambling my brain today. The evilness of the duckbill platypus is still haunting my thoughts, slowly pushing me over the precipice to insanity.

Take a look at the video I posted at the end, the duckbill platypus looks so innocent and cute, but behind that fluffy little exterior lurks the soul of a sadistic killer, the mind of a madman, the chaotic yet crackerjack thinking of one seriously deranged power hungry beast.

If I feel well enough later, I will enlighten you with my story on the secret deal between George Bush and the duckbill platypuses, and how this deal has compromised our national security. This sad and frightening story of greed, deceit, and corruption stretches back to the Carter administration, and involves a slew of high powered politicians, fat cat (cue meow mix song) businessmen, tyrannical dictators, usurious bankers, fiendish used car salesmen, trigger happy KGB, CIA, NSA, FBI types, terrorists, arms dealers, the porno industry, the people who make Hello Kitty products, not to mention many murderous mafioso types.

The threat of the duckbill platypus is known by few, yet it hangs over the head of humans as a collective, looming like the sword of Damocles...

Please note, this video is not suitable for children.

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

This entry concerns my concerns on the evil machinations of the duckbill platypus. I've been very puzzled on the subject of this creature. It keeps me up late at night, I thrash and turn in my bed, beads of sweat roll down my trembling forehead as I agonize over this painfully difficult conundrum. Sleep will continue to elude me so long as I do not have a concrete understanding of the duckbill platypus and its motives.

I can't quite figure out whether the duckbill platypus is the most ingenious creature ever, with an intellect so strong as to be on par with Einstein's. Or, is this creature not perhaps the most amazingly hilarious, dreadfully dolefully dim-witted living thing on God's green (uh, probably not so green anymore) earth, and has it duped us into believing it is the greatest thing ever?

Some experts even say this creature is planning to take over the world! These people believe the duckbill platypus wants to usurp our position and grab the reins to power, and create a worldwide duckbill platypus hegemony!

Do you believe the duckbill platypus to be as magnificently malevolently marvelous yet damningly devious as some say, or do you believe it is a ruse, meant to trick us and manipulate our innocent psyches?

If this post made any sense to you, I worry about your sanity, as for my own sanity, not a shred of it is left. Well, I need to go find that 'To Fear' list of mine, I gotta add the duckbill platypus.

P.S. I will be presenting more evidence on the evilness of duckbill platypuses in the days to follow.

Hornets From Hell, a Letter From Japan, and the Hanshin Tigers

I wasn't feeling very well yesterday but I felt so much better because of two things:


First off, I saw part of this show on tv, it was called 'Hornet's From Hell.' Any show that helps expand my ludicrous fears of hornets has to be great. And sure enough, this show was classic. It was filmed in a horror movie like manner, making these hornets seem incredibly evil and demonic. Look, being melodramatic and sensationalist, all in the name of frightening the crap out of the public, that's what I call great entertainment while also serving the public interest. I'm sorry to report that I didn't make it through the hornets of hell extravaganza, it was on late at night and I just faded too quickly... I just hope that the people in charge of the tv world are smart enough to rebroadcast this miraculous, marvellously insane, fear-inducing show.

Anyways, it just so happens that these giant hellacious hornets from hell are from Japan. And guess what...

Yesterday I got a letter from Japan! How cool is that? There is nothing better than getting a letter from a friend, even moreso if it's from somewhere like Japan. I'm going to mail my friend something very specific, hopefully they like it. I can't give it away in this post because I don't want to spoil the surprise for my friend.

Another note, relating to Japan. My new favorite hat is this Hanshin Tigers baseball cap I recently dug up from my closet. Someday I will reveal the secret as to how and why I own a Hanshin Tigers baseball cap, but for now I will leave you in the darkness of mystery.

Changes...

Ok, I messed around with the template and widened the main content and also widened the sidebar a bit. Do you guys think it looks ok, or does it make the page seem cluttered? (I changed it back from the feedback I got! Thanks!)

Another thing I'd like to do is add categories, but it seems incredibly complex with blogger.

Anyways, if anyone has suggestions for changes or things I could try out in terms of layout, design, anything really, let me know.

5 Things That I Pass the Time With

• Playing my harmonica, although I technically have no idea what I'm doing, it's soooo relaxing. For those of you that know me personally, it's probably pretty funny picturing me playing a harmonica! I just imagine that I'm like Charles Bronson in Once Upon a Time in the West, he's very cool playing that harmonica. Then he systematically blows people away. Come on, harmonica plus crazy gunfights, tack that up there as another combination you just gotta love.

• I started a new book by Balzac, only this one is one super piggy wiggy of a book, 700 pages with small type. All I can say is this, it had better be good, or else I'm going to hunt that writer down and beat the crap out of him for wasting my time. Ohhh, but you say he's dead, do you? No problem. Did I mention that I CAN see dead people (I also can see monsters and ghosts and flying rabbits), so if his book disappoints, I WILL be able to track him down and lay a proper beatdown down.

• In my better moments I'm able to draw little whimsical cartoony things. It is immensely fun and really works my imagination. It tends to exhaust me, and I can't get too detailed. I do it when I feel up to it, and fortunately, this is more often than before!

• Watching NBA Basketball and the NFL on tv. I remember my highschool days, how I wished I could watch football on Sundays, but I always had a million school things to do that would prevent me from enjoying some thrilling NFL violence. Since I've been sick I've been afforded the opportunity to fill my heart's desires with NFL football, sure, being so sick is a high price to pay to be able to watch football... but hey, at least I'm getting something out of this illness, right? Same goes for the NBA, at least I have something to pass the time with, something that fascinates me in some inexplicable magical way. Sports make no sense, and yet, they do... Go figure.

• I love thinking about all the plans, goals, and various things I want to do when I'm better. Imagining being better is probably the key to actually being better. And having a lot of things to do when you're better serves as greater motivation to recover! Since my mind is feeling better, I can finally think about all the things I want to paint and draw, and things I want to do. I guess that's all very vague, but you know, I can't tell you all my secrets!!!

Rhadamanthine

Rhadamanthine, what the hell does that mean right? Well, maybe you already knew it, but I just learned it. I challenge you to use it in a conversation today, ummm, and with a straight face ok? I'll try it on someone today and report my findings.

Quick Thoughts on Walk the Line, and I Need Advice for Making T-Shirts and a Website

I Forgot

I forgot last night was the season opener for the NBA, and fortunately I missed it because the Phoenix Suns got picked apart by the Lakers. No sense drowning myself in alcohol and pills over this thing... Actually, it's really not a bad excuse to do some careless womanizing and mind blowing drugs. That creak you heard was me popping open my desk drawer where... Actually I can't tell you about that, since the government is watching me, don't want them hitting up my door in 20 minutes with their flashy badges, super sharp suits, fancy sunglass wearing, frowny looking faces. Not to mention the fact that they have guns... Cooooooollll, I love gun play...

Walk the Line

I did watch a movie I'd been meaning to see for a long time, Walk the Line, which was quite good, but you know, the stuff with all the drugs and everything, it was kinda sad to me, but it's good to know in the grand scheme of things everything turned out pretty ok for Johnny Cash. His music is really unbelievable, he's one of the few singers whose songs I can truly feel, they're very powerful. I'd like to see a movie made about him that spans a greater part of his career, something with a little more arc to it.

I did like Joaquin Phoenix as Johnny Cash, thought he did a good job, takes some dedication to try and sing like Johnny Cash for a movie. I love that scar he has above his lip, don't know how he got it but I think it's pretty cool. I got this feeling he's probably a very intense person in real life.

Johnny Cash Singing 'Ring of Fire'

Can Anyone Give me Advice on Making a Website and T-Shirts

So, now that I've been starting to feel better I've been thinking about a couple of things I'd like to do. First major thing I need to do is set up a website for my art. Does anybody have any recommendations on the best way to get this done, I have a friend who's willing to do it, and not for much money, but I'm not sure he's very good at the design aspect. Also, once you have someone set up a site, is it easy to do your own updates, instead of having someone else do it for you? I already have the domain and everything, all I need is to set something up.

As for the t-shirts, I was thinking it'd be fun to make shirts with little monster characters. A good way of going about it seems something like this site, Printmojo, but I've never done anything like this, so if anyone has any advice on this let me know. The quality of the shirts is important to me. So, I don't know if I should get shirts printed locally or through the internet...

Foster's Home of Imaginary Friends

I am feeling great today. And I felt pretty good yesterday too! Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!! I am soooooooooooooo happeeeee!!!

Anyways, this show is my favorite on tv, it has provided me with laughter even in the darkest and most painful moments of my illness. I just saw that a bunch of the episodes have been posted over on youtube, and I'd post the ones that I really like on my site, but I kinda feel guilty if I did that, does seem a little wrong doesn't it? Instead I'll post a short clip from the show. I've posted it before but you can never watch it too many times. This clip taught me how to get people to do what you want... Be as annoying as you can possibly be! Who says you can't learn important life lessons from cartoons???

Do You Fear The Government? and Quick Thoughts on Two Movies

Sure I'm covering ground that has been tread over and over again... but I think it's a thing you can't talk about enough.

Do you fear the government, or, in other words, do you trust your representatives? I think we all need to be watchful and informed, but then again, lives are so hectic these days that such a thing is easier said than done.

I just saw two movies that are pretty cynical on government, or at least worried about growing surveillance methods and the curbing of civil liberties. One was V for Vendetta and the other was Enemy of the State. Both were pretty decent, although I thought Enemy of the State was extremely good, I especially liked the fact that Jack Black, Seth Green, and Gene Hackman were in it. The suspense was perfectly orchestrated, you're on tenterhooks the whole time (and I love that!). I also loved the fact that Seth Green and Jack Black were working for the NSA in a covert op unit, I think that's hilarious. If it's guys like that spying and doing surveillance on us, I wouldn't sweat it too much. Oh, and sprinkled throughout the movie, a couple explosions here, a couple of car chases there, even a bit of gun play, and a finale punctuated by a marvelous bloodbath. As this movie further proves, for a good movie to reach the next level, it always needs a certain amount of ridiculous explosions and fiery gun play.

On to the thought provoking questions these two movies made me think about...

It's true that as technology gets more powerful, one individual can do more good and also exponentially more harm in one fell swoop than ever before. A lot will argue that civil liberties have to be curbed at least slightly to hedge our bets and decrease the likelihood that someone will be able to execute the use of increasingly powerful technologies against us. And by technologies I mean a variety of things, including nukes, diseases, stuff we haven't even thought of and don't want to think about!!

But of course, if the government is going to be in charge of our security, it is also very easy for the government to manipulate us with false information and fear, really something similar to all those future dystopias you read about in books and see in movies, like the two I mentioned above. So the question, to a large extent, is how much do you trust your government and its representatives, and how honest do you think they are in relaying information to the people. Do they manipulate us to gain more power? Are they assessing real threats and telling us the truth about the things we need to give up in order to be safer? Do some representatives have their head in the clouds, and not out of greed or egotism (or maybe because of those things), but just plain naivety not understand the extent of the threats?

What do you think? Are you cynical about how the government operates and uses its power?

Ok, I guess those are vague questions, I'll give you free pass to post any sort of wacky cracked out comment you want.

One Word For You: DOGS!!!

My parents and I dropped by a nearby church to check out the dogs up for adoption. Here's a couple pics. I especially like the second picture, cute how the pugs are vying for the little girl's attention. Anyways, it was nice getting out of the house, especially for something as fun as this!

Johnny Depp Is In Nightmare On Elm Street? What I Think About Balzac, and more on BEARS!!!!

Nightmare on Elm Street

As I watched Freddy Kruger do his slashing and bashing and whatever the hell he does I realized Depp was in this movie. Cool. Anyways, the movie is not very scary, I've been meaning to see it forever. I was severely disappointed with Kruger, he looks like an old man with a wussy glove. That's not hot. Damnit Paris...

Anyways, I just love movies that scare the crap out of me. I think a good dose of scary movies can only be good for you. Kinda like eating your vegetables.

Balzac, a Pretentious Writer You Need to Read

So, I started reading this book by Balzac, a French writer from the 19th century. It's called Le Pere Goriot, and it is excellent. Highly recommended, although I can tell it's not a happy story and the characters in this book are going to get severely punished by fate in one way or another. I'm more of a happy book kinda person, but suffering and tragedy can be interesting... or at least instructive I hope.

BEARS!!!

Ok, I did spend a lot of time in front of the tv today, I was pretty zonked (but no headaches!). Guess what I saw, a show on... BEARS! BEARS! BEARS! Bears are even more amazing than I ever imagined. Their sense of smell is so keen, something like 2100 times more sensitive than ours, 7 times more sensitive than a bloodhound. Crazy. The show talked about grizzlies, polar bears, black bears, brown bears, talked about every kind of bear I guess.

Anyways, tomorrow my mom and I are going to the church nearby to check out dogs that are up for adoption (we're just looking). I kinda wish we would adopt a black bear, they look soooo cute!!!

If you need further proof that bears will take over the world, here you go:

Good News on My Health

Well, I'm finally doing better with my health. The headaches have really subsided, so now my mind is feeling so much sharper, I can finally concentrate and focus on things like reading! Hopefully pretty soon I'll be able to hang out with people and do things, like leaving the freakin' house! I don't mean to get ahead of myself, I'm just thankful the nightmarish headaches have subsided, it feels like sweet sweet heaven.

I've still got a ways to go. My body is still somewhat fatigued, but I can really tell things are getting better! I just gotta keep resting, and staying focused on getting better. I KNOW I'm going to be back to my old self!

I feel like posting a fun song... Puffy Amiyumi's v.a.c.a.t.i.o.n.

Story About a Bear on a Pole, Includes a Happy Ending, But This Doesn't Take Place at the Strip Club

I was really shocked when I saw this video clip. I'm not going to lie, I was so sad for what happened to the bear I thought I was going to cry (I didn't though, look look, no tears in MY eyes, whew, that was close, don't want everybody thinking I'm some overgrown crybaby!). The bear looked so scared and confused, I kept whispering to myself,"Come on buddy, come on, you can get out of this bind. Please. Puuhhhleaaazze just climb down to safety." Then the inevitable happened, the poor bear gets electrocuted and falls to the ground. At that moment I felt sad and guilty for seeing the video, I don't like seeing tragic things. But the end of the video is what redeems the whole viewing experience, it's the best part: the bear survived!!! The bear freakin' survived! Hooray!!!!

Yes, I would be insanely afraid of bears if they didn't look so cute and cuddly. Awwwww..... well, no actually, I am still scared of bears no matter how cute they look.

Tips On How To Win an Election

What you are about to read does not fully encapsulate my views on politics. It's more of a comic book version of my views... actually I just made it up, it makes no sense and you will learn absolutely nothing. You might even lose intelligence, but maybe that's a good thing. Us humans, we're a bit too smart for our own good, we could use a bit of stupididification.

I'm only gving out these tips because it's election season here, so we got a lot of arguing going on. I'm thinking I should run whenever I'm better, I'd love to be called senator.

Anyways, here are several excerpts from my playbook...

A Couple Tips on How to Win an Election

• Being loud, obnoxious, and incomprehensible are three key facts to winning arguments. If your opponent can't understand what you're saying it only makes him look stupid. Only stupid wussy intellectual types will think you are stupid for being loud, obnoxious, and incomprehensible, but most of those intellectuals are stuck in their ivory towers and can easily be dismissed as commie bastards.

• Be brash, brazen, call your opponent a 'homosexual pedophile,' slander his good name as much as is legally possible. Slandering your opponent is a great way to have fun and relax, but it's also a hell of a lot cheaper than making sense.

• Look confident, sneer a lot, have a toothpick between your teeth, and crack your knuckles.

• Make people believe you're Santa Claus. Promise everything to everyone. You cannot promise enough, promise this and promise that, you gotta be a promising machine. You gotta be pretty good with reading people, knowing what makes them tick and what they want in life. Once you can read them, you know every pretty little thing they wanna hear. You can tell that weird cowboy guy he can have his freakin' pink pony if that's what he wants. But you got to do this promising with a big fat smile on your face, a smile that hides all the crazy deceit seeping through every bone in your body, deceit which your eyes might betray from time to time. Which brings me to the next point...

• Make sure you have extremely, ridiculously shiny million watt looking teeth. In effect, when you smile, the dazzle will be so blinding that people won't be able to see the subtle hint of deceit betrayed by your eyes. The eyes never lie, and that's why you make sure people don't focus on 'em.
  

• Have about 4 gnarly looking bouncer types standing behind you in the shadows, at all times!!! Try and arrange it so that only their silhouettes are perceptible to those around you. It helps if the bouncer types wear fedoras and smoke, the smoke will create a hazy, nefarious, maybe someone's gonna get murdered if they piss me off kinda atmosphere. This will further instill fear in your opponent. Intimidation works!

• Use the media! Release fake reports that tacitly link you to the mob, this will help prevent your opponent from even thinking about slandering your good name. If he thinks you're cozy with the mob, he'll be too worried about a new pair of cement shoes and the sad dim glow of sunlight that reaches him at the bottom of a lake, reminding him that if he had kept his slanderous mouth shut, he could be a hell of lot less dead, not to mention getting a better tan.

• Turn negatives into positives. Did your opponent or the media discover that you, the family man, participated in a wild, crazy, awesome sex orgy the night before (you don't regret a minute of it), not to mention the dead hooker they found in the trunk of your car (that of course is a bit more damning). You got a lot of explaining to do. Here's what you do. Say it's all a misunderstanding. It's actually your sorry, failure of a brother who did all this, and since he looks like you, everyone was mistaken and thought it was you (this is a plausible story, please refer to the Carter family for precedent). Next, explain how amazing it is that you were able to find success, considering the gene pool you come from includes such a wicked, amoral brother as yours. Please feel free at this point to include stories of your dire, miserable upbringing (sure it was upper-middle class, but has a bit of embellishment ever hurt anybody?), and that through sheer will and talent you have beaten the odds and found the path to success. People will drink that shit up like kool-aid.
  

• Talk about God. Make sure people know how much you love God. Tell them night and day. Find a church, accost some churchgoers, and coerce them into telling the media how devout you've been all these years. Once again, if you've got to convince these people to lie for you the hard way (ie, putting a gun to their head to lie about how great and pious you are), do it, you need the votes. Just make sure you don't get caught in your coercive measures.
  

• Have lots of money. Lots, lots, and lots. None of our senators is less than a multi-millionaire (or so I believe), so make sure you are super rich, you'll have better chances of winning.

• Win baby. That is your code, the pillar of your existence. I don't care if you have to sell your kids to the Dalai Lama! And don't forget to always lie your freakin' pants off. Evade the truth, evade it like Ali avoiding punches, be that butterfly that dances around the truth, dodging it with grace and beauty. Truth is your kryptonite, it's radiation poisoning, anathema... Avoid the truth and do whatever it takes to win baby!!!
  

• And always remember, sucker punches are perfectly acceptable, even encouraged in the art of politics. You gotta be a bastard, but you gotta love being a bastard to win!

Crap, the cynicism from this writing spilled over onto my hands and onto my shirt. Yucky, I hate cynicism, get it off me, get it off!!! What kind of detergent should I use?

A New Version of Hamlet (Extremely Violent and Modernized), Ghost Pictures, and My Personal Experiences with Ghosts and Monsters

This movie needs to be made, maybe directed by Quentin Tarantino, that would be nice.

I stumbled across this page that has the top ten best ghost photographs, EVER! I'm finally vindicated! I was at that dinner party a while back, telling everybody about the monsters and ghosts that live in my closet. My closet houses a variety of monsters, there are those with googly eyes, jello heads, ghastly hammerhead shark teeth, then there are those with samurai sword arms and drugged out junky bodies who ask me for a dollar, there's also a rubik's cube monster who slobbers all over my pillow when I'm out of my room, not to mention the chocolate frosted covered mini-zombie rabbit army that hides under my bed (this is why I don't sleep well). Those stupid chocolate rabbit mini-zombies are waging war against the Chuck Norris wannabe milk carton monsters who when not fighting, or pillaging my fridge, play their insanity inducing harmonicas. I know, I know, how do I protect myself you ask. Well, I'll tell you, in case you have similar problems, but only because I'm feeling extremely charitable. I've found that if I stuff baby carrots and mashed potatoes under my mattress, a magical shield is created around my bed, a shield so powerful that not even these psychotic monsters can do me any harm.

Anyways, pardon my loquaciousness. Back to the dinner party. Suffice it to say, the dinner guests ridiculed me beyond belief, telling me, "Oh Sebastien, you are insane, monsters and ghosts aren't real. The doctors must have injected you with a big dose of crazy when you were born." So infuriated was I that I broke out into tears of righteous anger. I just hate it when you KNOW you are right, and everybody else is so dumb and wrong. Freakin' herd mentality.

You better respect ghosts and monsters, they are FOR real, not fake, and if you don't give them some respect, they will mess you up. Those mean bastard ghosts actually worked with the CIA in developing the wicked torture methods that we use today. Those ghosts have very twisted minds.

Wow! I didn't mean to write this story, just sort of happened. I'm not doing drugs, I promise!

Awesome Quotes

I just talked to some old friends from college, and it was wonderful hearing their voices. Some of them I hadn't been in touch with in a very long time. It just so happened that the friend I called was at a party with all these other friends. Anyways, I think it helps me, talking with old friends gives me extra strength to make it through these difficult times.

I'd like to share some quotes that really resonate with me. They mostly deal with adversity and suffering.

• "Know how sublime a thing it is to suffer and be strong."

• "All the world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming." Helen Keller

• "He who has hope has everything."

• "He who suffers much will know much."

• "Every trial endured and weathered in the right spirit makes a soul nobler and stronger than it was before."

• "Determination, patience, and courage are the only things needed to improve any situation."

• "Never talk defeat. Use words like hope, belief, faith, victory."

• "Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict."

• "The mind is everything. What you think you become."

• "A smooth sea never made a skillful mariner."

And with that battery of quotes, I'm ready to murderate this illness! Hooray!

Can You Guess The Number I'm Thinking Of? It's Between One and a Million

Probably not, but if you do guess right I'll smoke crack for a year and document the experience via photography and film.

I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm reeaaaaallly bored.

Here's a song that always makes me happy and makes me want to get up and dance!

Oh! And I just discovered this song by a band called Shonen Knife. How awesome is this...